Seek Not My Heart
by soulspirit18
Summary: Bella is transformed and no longer wanted by Edward.She is requested for a visit by the Volturi.A lone soul gains her heart, but will he ever allow her to gain his. Better summary inside, rating may change to M.
1. Prologue

**I like the Alec/Bella pair and thought that not enough people make them so here is my try at it.**

**Twilight doesn't belong to me.**

**Summary:**_ During battle in Eclipse. When Bella cuts herself with a sharp rock, Edward becomes distracted and Victoria takes the opportunity to get through. Three days later Bella is a vampire, but realizes her happily ever after isn't going to happen (well not with Edward). The Volturi know that she has been changed and Aro wants her for a short visit, but will it become longer when a friendship, and possibly more, happen with a certain dark soul._

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Prologue—Seek Not My Heart

A brilliant haze of red and white was the last thing I had seen, before light no longer existed, and an inferno covered me in a cocoon. I allowed death to come to me without a fight, without as much as a single tear. I caused her to slip through Edward just by having my own hands spill my own blood. _Sorry Edward, but you deserve so much more. _All the Cullen's did. I had caused so much trouble for their family in a short amount a time and needed to fix it, even if death had to be the only way.

Hell.

That's where it felt like my end was taking me. I deserved to go to hell. All that I asked for in my life was for my own needs, my own wants. Scorching flames burning throughout my skin for eternity was welcomed.

I didn't know when, but after awhile sounds and smells made themselves known. That was all it took for me to realize that I wasn't in hell, but I was in fact changing. I couldn't say if this was what I wanted anymore after all the thinking of death for so long, and wanting to escape all the problems I have caused to everyone I had ever met. Now all of that is wasted. The Cullen's will expect me to have a new life among them, and who am I to deny them.

One final beat. One life for eternity.

My eyes opened slowly to reveal a form of clarity no human would have thought could have existed. New colors, new details. Everything was so different, yet so the same. _Amazing. _I don't know how long I just laid there in awe of the ceiling, but I regained focused when someone cleared their throat. I turned my head quickly towards the sound and came to look on seven glorious, familiar vampires. At the moment they were all glaring at Emmett, who must have been the throat clearer, why they were I don't know.

I got off the bed at a speed that frightened and amazed me. My action caused everyone to look at me and I felt slightly self-conscious. Jasper must have felt it and smiled, but his eyes showed he was confused by something. Alice looked ready to pounce at me. Everyone seemed extremely happy. I was surprised though to find that Edward was the only one that wasn't exactly looking happy, but then again he didn't want this life for me and is probably blaming himself for all of it.

"Umm…Hi?" I said but it came out sounding more of a question. Once again I found myself amazed, but this time because of my voice. _I guess it changes more than just looks._

"Bella, aren't you thirsty?" Jasper asked confusion still readable in his eyes.

"Well, I guess there is a slight burn but not terrible." I answered honestly. He became even more confused, and possibly a tad frustrated.

"Bella!" Yelled Alice just before she threw herself at me into a hug that should have hurt me.

"Alice." I said before returning her hug.

"Ouch, geez Bella where have you been hiding that strength?" Alice joked and everyone laughed, except Edward who was still looking broody.

"Wait. How did the fight go?" I asked as I suddenly remembered the fight with the newborns.

"It was a cup of elk blood." Emmett bellowed. _I think he means piece of cake. Must be an inside joke._

"Yes, everything went well." Esme spoke with a motherly smile, even with the topic in discussion.

"Bella there is something that we should tell you." Alice said, and then continued. "Well, after Edward defeated Victoria some of the guards from the Volturi showed up. They noticed that you were changing and have decided to tell Aro."

"That's good, right?" I said, but I could tell there was something else.

"Yeah, but when Aro found out he decided that he wanted to see you. Don't worry though it seems he would just like for you to be there as a short visit, nothing more. Possibly try to get you join the guard, but that's it." _Aro has decided to ask me for a visit. Now that's weird. _

"Do I even get a chose?" I asked.

"Not really, you only get to choose for how long you are to stay." Carlisle said.

"Bella, could I possibly take you hunting now." Edward commanded more than asked.

"Sure let's go. See ya everyone." I said waving to everyone as Edward basically dragged me outside.

Edward shot straight through the forest still clutching my hand. Luckily for me being a newborn allowed me to be able to easily keep up. When we were miles away from the house Edward decided it was time to stop. He didn't say anything at first; he just paced in what seemed to be anger. I was worried. I wasn't sure what the outcomes were, or what exactly had him upset. So I simply waited, and didn't have to for long.

"Bella, how could you have been so stupid? Why did you risk yourself like that? Was it because of this?" He yelled motioning at my person. "I didn't want to turn you into a vampire, so you thought you would take a chance by seeing what would happened if you spilt your blood?"

"I thought we agreed you were going to change me if I married you." I whispered.

"Did you honestly think I was going to change you? Why would I have changed you? I loved your warmth, your silent mind. Most of all I loved your humanity, something I no longer have. Now because of your foolish act, you ripped all of it away from me." He sneered.

"You never loved me?" I would be in tears if it were still possibly. Instead tearless sobs racked through my body. Though my heart should be crumpling slowly surprisingly it's not, only a slight piece is missing now. My mind still can't get over the fact that someone that has almost tried to kill himself over my 'death' would not actually hold any real feelings towards them. My heart on the other hand secretly kept itself from Edward after what happened the first time; I guess I never trusted him after that first time.

"No. Don't worry though I won't kill you. My family seems to adore you. We are just no longer in a relationship. In fact we will no longer be in on speaking terms." He said before taking off.

I crumpled slowly to the ground, my mind processing everything that had just happened. I wasn't in pain, it didn't hurt like the last time he left. Somehow I always knew he would just leave me. I just never knew it would be this soon or over something like this, but I should have known that I would never be good enough for Edward. He was unreachable to me, maybe to every girl.

The only thing on my mind at that moment was 'what now?' How are the rest of the Cullen's going to react? Would they still want me? Could I even handle living with them now?

The last question was the most substantial since I didn't know how to deal with living with someone that used me as a pet. What was there now?

I started making my way towards the Cullen mansion taking down some creatures along the way. Alice was waiting for me with Jasper both looked incredibly sad.

"So you're going on your own then?" Alice asked.

"Yes, I can't be an inconvenience." I said.

"Bella, you have never been that. You are family whether you are with Fuckward or not." Jasper told me sincerely.

"Thank you, but I still have to leave on my own."

"Just remember that you can always return to us." Alice said with a sad smile.

They handed me a black credit card for the journey ahead. I whispered a goodbye before sprinting off to the airport in Seattle. I didn't even remember that I was a newborn vampire that was going to a place full of humans until I hit the outskirts of the forest and smelled the blood. Surprisingly, the burn wasn't something that couldn't be handled so I continued. The airport wasn't overly crowded as I made my way to the desks.

"One ticket to Volterra, Italy." I said.

"Well, there is a flight to there but you would have to stop in New York first. Is that acceptable?" The lady asked looking everywhere but at my eyes.

"Yes. Make it first class." I said handing her the credit card. _Might as well go out_, I thought.

"Flight is actually in an hour. Have a good day."

I sat near the gate I was waiting to board. I kept hoping that maybe the Volturi weren't as bad as I remembered from my human memories. _Maybe it was an off day_. I chuckled to myself at that thought. Hopefully, I was making the right decision.

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**I know it's short but it is only a prologue of sorts.**

**Reviews make the world go round. ;)**


	2. Ch 1 Acquaintances

**Sorry, I didn't update sooner, but classes have been demanding and I haven't exactly been in the right frame of mind lately. Anywhoz, thank you all for the reviews and alerts.**

**Oh yeah, let's pretend that Alec and Jane are nineteen in the books, makes my life a lot easier.**

**As always Twilight is not mine.**

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_Seek Not My Heart -- Acquaintances_

It was a blurry memory. Almost like a dream that you have a hard time remembering. It seemed to me that coming to this place and looking down the same alleyway was like déjà vu, except this time I would be to staying for a visit by myself instead of trying to leave with my old love and best friend. How did my world turn topsy-turvy so fast? Oh yeah, when I found out my 'love' was actually in love with my humanity and now wanted nothing to do with me. At that exact moment I felt like that since the time I turned into a vampire my life had entered The Twilight Zone, where enemies actually want you to stay for a pleasant visit and gentlemanly golden guys were actually all-about-me-and-what-I-want little boys; the monsters in a nightmare becoming angels in a dream, and vice-a-versa. Truly, The Twilight Zone.

I decided to just follow the scent of the vampires that went through this alleyway knowing where they were headed. The journey was much shorter than it was when I was human, but then again we did go at my old pace. I found the pretty woman, I remember as Gianna, still working behind the desk, surprisingly still human; speaking on the phone in what I would guess would be Italian. I didn't know what to do so I just waited for her to get off the phone. Which probably wasn't the greatest thing, because it took her about twenty-five minutes to finally hang up and realize I was there.

"Hello, I would like to request an audience with Aro." I said trying to sound possibly distinguished, though I wasn't sure why. It wouldn't matter, they would know that I was the love-struck girl that was here only months ago.

"What is your name?" She asked in a heavy Italian accent. Her green eyes piercing my red ones, it was slightly unnerving.

"Isabella Swan. Or you could use Cullen if that doesn't work." I said.

"Oh yes, Master Aro has been waiting for you." She said while dialing a number on the phone.

"Yes, Gianna." Some man with a deep voice answered.

"A Miss Isabella Swan has requested for Master Aro."

"I will tell him immediately." He said before hanging up.

"Wait for a moment please." She said while picking up a fashion magazine.

I decided to sit in one of the waiting chairs, trying to calm my nerves down. Though I knew there was no reason to be scared of them now, the past was just behind my eyelids. I didn't know if I was going to join the guard or not. The only thing I could come up with to do about that decision was to wait and see how my stay here turned out.

"Bella." The voice from the phone said. I was so lost in my thoughts I didn't even realize someone else had joined us in the waiting room.

"Felix?" I asked more than said.

"You remember me." He said excitedly. "Wow, immortality suits you."

"Thank you. So, are you the one that is leading the way?" I asked though it is obvious what the answer will be.

"Sure am. Follow me." _He sure is like Emmett._

We walked down the familiar corridor to the great doors in silence. The silence didn't feel uncomfortable but I was a bit tense because of the situation. I already knew that a lot of the people were not going to be as friendly as Felix. Like Jane for instance who just wanted to kill me and I really didn't feel like dealing with having enemies. Felix opened the door to reveal all three of the brothers sitting in the exact chairs as last time. The only difference this time was that there are less people in the room. _Must not be feeding time._ Of course one of the people in the room has to be the person that I didn't want to face at the moment.

Jane's glare had me shivering slightly while I made my way closer to the brothers. Next to her was a boy, or maybe man is the right word, that I don't really remember seeing as a human. He was perfect. His dark brown tresses swept all around his head and face, his glowing burgundy eyes boring into mine, and his perfect slightly full lips. Everything, glorious. I had to look away quickly before anyone caught my staring and could assume something that might be true.

"Ah dearest Bella, I see you have decided to stay with us for awhile." Aro said pleasantly.

"Yes, Alice told me of what you had requested of me and I thought it would be a wonderful opportunity." I spoke sincerely. I mean it was half true, no need to tell him that I needed to get away.

"And how is the dear Cullen coven?" He asked

"They are all fine." _Which is true._

"Where is your Edward?"

"I would rather not discuss that, yet." I said, though I didn't know I was going to explain to him what happened until the 'yet' left the tip of my tongue. He simply nodded.

"May I?" He asked raising his hand up in front of himself. I nodded and strolled up to him faking a calm that was impossible to obtain. I placed my hand on to his and heard a gasp slip through his lips. I looked up to see him with blank unseeing eyes. I began to worry that he was looking through every thought that I had ever had, but when he came around he looked slightly shocked and pleased, I wasn't too sure what to think.

"Jane." He said and I knew what he wanted to try.

Jane took a step forward before she smirked at me and a look of violent intention glinted in her eyes. I tensed a little waiting for what might or might not happen. All of a sudden Jane was on her knees with a piercing scream filling the air and her hands pulling at her hair. She collapsed in a heap after a second, no longer in what seemed to be pain. Everyone was too shocked to move an inch, just staring dumbfounded at her. Some even looked at me in fear, though I wasn't sure why.

Aro's other hand clapped on the top of my hand that was still in his possession causing my shocked gaze to look up at him. He was smiling from ear to ear, his eyes twinkling with happiness. Confusion filled my mind as I continued to stare at his excited face.

"Bella, you are truly gifted." He finally said.

"That….that was me?" I asked looking at Jane again, who was currently trying to get up with terror filled eyes.

"Yes. When I touched you, I didn't read you I was reading every thought I ever had all again. It seems you deflect whoever is trying to use a gift on you. Just as Jane had to feel the pain of her own gift the same would happen to any other."

"Whoa, that is awesome. Finally, Jane can see how it feels." Felix boomed high fiving someone I recall being Demetri.

I didn't really know what to say about anything that had just occurred. I hadn't even thought about being gifted at all, I still thought that my mind was just way different then everybody else's. All I really wanted to do was maybe find a room to pretend to sleep in, not be a part of hurting someone that already hated me enough as it is. As if reading my mind, the one that as a human I remembered him full of boredom, Marcus spoke.

"You would probably like a suite after your long flight, would you not Bella?" He asked, for some reason I felt like he spoke to me as a father would a daughter. It was odd how he seemed to know what I really wanted and I had never even spoke to him before. Aro stared at Marcus with a contemplative look before giving me the same look.

"That would be great, Marcus. Thank you." I said gratefully.

"Alec." Marcus called. The man I was staring at earlier stepped forward slightly. _Alec, what a strange yet mesmerizing name, how fitting._ "Could you show Bella to her room?"

"Yes, Master." Alec said glancing my way. My hand was still placed securely in Aro's as he kept looking between Marcus and me. I patted his hand to get his attention.

"Yes, dear?" He asked.

"I need my hand back." I mumbled.

"Of course, excuse me." He said letting me go. I walked up to Alec never actually looking at him. I noticed from my peripheral that Aro went straight up to Marcus and took his hand. There was a smile playing at Aro's lips as he looked at me.

What was going on? It seemed that Marcus knew something that had something to do with me, but what? I remember Edward telling me that Marcus could see bonds, but did that really have anything to do about what was going on. I would just have to wait to talk to him about it since he would be the only person to know. But would he tell me?

"Are you ready?" Alec asked breaking me from my thoughts.

"Yes."

He led the way in silence, I wasn't overly uncomfortable but I did want to talk to him. I didn't understand why but since I gazed into his eyes there was something in me that wanted to find out everything that was Alec. It was a strange feeling that I didn't know how I should respond to it. It was obvious he didn't feel it since he never really spoke to me. Or if he did feel it, he sure was great at hiding it. So if he either didn't feel it or is ignoring it, I would just follow his lead in playing nonchalance.

He stopped abruptly and turned to face a door before opening it. I stepped in and couldn't believe how perfect it was for me. The room's walls were a soft purple that easily took all my stress away. The bed was a queen size; the blankets were white with the same color purple trimming it. There was a whole wall of books; it seemed to be mixed with different genres. A window with a seat overlooked the city and nearby countryside. Everything was perfect, it was me.

"Do you like it?" Alec asked coming through the door.

"Absolutely, everything about this room is perfect. It was like it was created just for me." I said sitting on the bed.

"Well, Master Aro did make it just for you." He said standing by the window.

"Why? And how would he know what I would like?"

"As you know he would very much like for you to join the guard." Turning around to look at me he continued. "He saw through Edward's thoughts of some of your interests."

"So he has been planning for me to come since then?" I asked.

"Yes." He answered simply.

"Does he still believe I will join?"

"Will you not?" He asked tilting his head to the side.

"I don't know." I mumbled placing my hands over my face.

I had no clue what I was going to do anymore. I thought becoming a vampire would mean spending eternity with the Cullen's, with Edward. But he made that boat leave me in the port flailing my arms like a lunatic. Where else is there to go? There's always becoming a nomad, but I don't think I could live like that forever. Being alone, just hunting, occasionally pretending to be human. No, being a lone nomad is depressing to even think about. But could I join the guard? I would need time to think about that one. It probably wouldn't be that bad, some of the people I already feel a strange connection to. The only downside is when I might have to kill someone for not following the rules. The whole situation has my mind rolling in circles that would have had me pushing out chunks had I still been a human.

I looked up from my hands to find Alec staring curiously at me. _I wonder what he is thinking about. _I wanted to ask him, but remembered that we were only acquaintances for the moment. It would be rude to just up and ask him what was on his mind. Maybe in time we could become friends, though I would highly doubt that since if I remember correctly Jane is his twin sister and hates me. Plus, I did hurt her and though it was unintentional it will only make her have another reason to hate me. _Great._ She seriously needs to get over herself though; I mean what in the world did I do to her. Nothing, absolutely nothing. Yet, she feels the need to want to tear me to pieces and make me into charcoal.

"How long do you intend on staying?" He finally asked breaking me from my thoughts.

"Once again I don't know." I replied shrugging.

"Hmm, well if there is anything you would like you know how to reach me." He said before disappearing out the door. _Now what? I wish he would have stayed._

The only downside about the room was that it was lacking on electronics. I needed music to live, and a computer to stay in touch with the world. _At least it would give me a chance to explore the city, _I thought. I lifted myself off the bed to walk over to the giant wall of books. They had some of my favorites, and various assortments that I would love to browse. Before I could even choose what I would love to read there was a tap at the door. I turned around to find Marcus looking at me with his hand still held up towards the door.

"Hello, Marcus." I said

"Would you mind if I came in?" I nodded. "I hope I am not intruding. I just needed to discuss some thing with you."

"That's fine; I was just looking at what books there were." I said.

"I hope everything is to your liking. I know Aro read through the Cullen boys' thoughts about you, but it is not the same as actually knowing someone." He said sitting on the edge of my bed.

"No, this place is perfect."

"But?" He asked clearly hearing that there was more.

"It's actually nothing; I'll just need to buy myself some music and maybe a computer." I said hesitantly.

"I could always have someone bring you to a store." He said.

"That would be great. Was there something else that you wanted to talk about though?" I asked knowing he didn't just come to check on me.

"Yes well as you may already know I can view a bond between people." At my nod he continued. "It appears that gifts like mine, the ones that are not harmful, can be used on you. So I know what your bonds are with some of the people, though with some at the moment it may not be strong but they will strengthen in time."

"So did you come to tell me my formed bonds?" I asked confused as to where he was going with this.

"No, not all. Those are for you to discover, maybe in time I will tell. I came to tell you about the one's you may be worried about like let's say Jane, you may believe that she may loath you but that is not the case in fact if you befriended her you two would be quite the inseparable pair."

"Really?" I asked shocked. _Me and Jane, friends?_ I was right I did step into The Twilight Zone.

"Yes. Did you want to know our bond? I am sure you were confused earlier." Once again I just nodded, but this time it was because I was still in shock.

"It would seem that we will have a bond that of a father and daughter."

"I knew it; the first time you spoke to me I felt it. Is that why Aro was acting strangely?"

"Yes, it has been a long time since I even really looked at someone so when I noticed that you felt the need to be alone, Aro was curious as to what changed that." He answered.

"What changed?"

"You stepped into the room and I glanced at what your ties would be. That's when I seen ours."

"So am I going to have to call you dad now?" I asked jokingly.

"Not unless you want to." He replied with a small smile. _Was that the first smile I seen from him? Did he never smile? Well, as long as I'm staying that won't be his last one._

"Wait, how about that Alec guy? What will our bond be?" I asked as he was making his way towards the hall.

"That is one you shall have to discover on your own." He said leaving.

I don't understand why he can't just tell me. I mean I practically get what my relationships with the others might become. Alec is the only person I'm not sure in that aspect. At least now I know his sister won't be my enemy as long as I try to become her friend, so that means he won't hate me. Though that doesn't mean he has to like me either. I shouldn't be thinking about Alec like this, I mean what is he to me? Just an acquaintance really, so why is it he keeps drifting back in my mind?

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**Reviews make my world go round and also help speed up the writing process. The more reviews the faster I shall write. **


	3. Ch 2 Wander

**Once again Twilight is not mine.**

**Thank you guys for all the reviews and alerts they make my day seem brighter.**

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_Seek Not My Heart--Wander_

Rain pounded on the roof and cascaded down the pane of glass I was currently staring out from. The castle was filled with silence since part of the guard had to go out on a mission. Only a few days had passed since I came here, only a few days had passed since I left the Cullen's. Today was probably the only time that I got an alone time since day one. Felix has constantly wanted me to play games or watch movies with him, and how I'm I to say no? Just like I had assumed on day one he is exactly like Emmett.

I hadn't spotted Jane or Alec in those few days and truly wished I had. Ever since Marcus told me about being a friend with Jane, I had the urge to really try to befriend her even though she would rather deep fry me. For the moment though I would give her some time to cool off before trying to start on my difficult task. Though I didn't think she would ever really cool off.

Terrible, relieved, and most of all confusion. That's how I felt about the situation with Alec. I felt terrible about not getting a chance to see him since day one. And I felt relieved as well since I didn't happen to see him in the few days. Since I looked into those glowing burgundy eyes something in me has felt like it is missing. Foreign feelings stirred that were not yet strong enough to identify. So every time Alec would enter my mind, confusion swept through me like a tidal wave.

I still hadn't gotten to go outside to shop for anything and I was in dire need of new clothing and really missed my music. I decided to explore the city by myself and since it was raining it was perfect. I went towards my dresser to get one of the cloaks everyone here seems to have and put it on covering my face with the hood. I made my way towards Marcus's room first to tell him what I was up to, not needing anyone to worry that I was missing. I knocked once and waited for the door to open and reveal my father figure.

"Hey, I just wanted to let you know I was going into the city to explore." I said.

"Did you want me to have someone go with you?" He asked.

"No, I need some time for myself." He nodded.

"Just stay safe." He said and kissed my forehead before letting me leave.

I tried to be as sneaky as I could get out of the castle, and it seemed to work since everybody just went on doing their own business without stopping me. Not many people were out since the rain was still pouring. I decided to just go a random route for a better exploration. The streets were beautiful and clear. Shops and homes were scattered together on each side between the stone walkways. I tried to just concentrate on what was around me instead of letting my mind wander on certain people.

I came upon an elegant church that was pretty big, after just staring at it for probably minutes I made my way inside. Few people were sitting around kneeling and praying. It sounded like practically all of the people were praying for forgiveness. I headed to one of the first benches and kneeled down. I didn't know what I believed anymore when it came to religion, but I thought it couldn't hurt to pray. Pray for the family I once had, pray for the one I seem to have join, and pray for the future. To just ask even it is not heard.

"Do you believe in God?" I asked causing him to step aside from a large pillar and make his way towards me. I had smelt him before I even reached the church, but let him just follow until now. From my peripheral I could see him run his fingers through his dark hair looking only slightly sheepish about being caught. He looked just as glorious as the first time I had seen him.

"No." Alec said finally sitting on the bench behind me.

"Why?"

"If there were a God, he would not make us be the eternally damned. To live a life of solitude is punishment and no God would do that to his creations." Alec spoke with conviction.

"Do you feel alone?" I asked never allowing my gaze to stray from the crucified Jesus ahead.

"Yes." He answered simply.

"Have you ever let anybody in?"

"Not with my permission." He whispered behind me.

"And you're still lonely?" I asked.

"Yes. Some people can make you feel much more alone in the world. Especially those you love." He said. I wanted to turn and look at him but just feeling his penetrating gaze kept me staring ahead. How can those you love make you feel more alone? I wanted to ask, but though I was already asking personal questions this one seemed that it would be extremely personal. I didn't want to pry in his love business just like I wouldn't want him to pry into mine, at least not yet.

"I believe in balance. If you spent most of you existence miserable, sooner or later something worthwhile is going to happen. It may not last long, but it will make those horrible times seem worth it. For all you know, you may not be alone for long." My voice seemed to grow quieter at the last sentence. I would hope that he found someone for him to spend eternity with, but I guess I wanted that to be me even though we just met days ago.

"Maybe." He mumbled.

"Did you want to help me find music and a computer?" I asked getting up after awhile of us both being lost into our own thoughts.

"Sure." We made our way out of the church quietly into the wet streets. I let Alec led the way to the nearest electronic store through the whole walk we were comfortably silent. When we got to the store Alec opened the door for me to enter first and followed behind me. The store was filled with racks of music of different categories. I went straight to the alternative section and started grabbing all my favorite bands before going towards the classical.

"You sure have a weird selection there." Alec said grabbing the from my hand and placing them into a basket.

"Well, I do like a lot of different things." I said absentmindedly while making grabbing some country and hip-hop C.D's.

"I could see that." He chuckled slightly. I looked back at him then at the basket full of almost every kind of music, and laughed along with him.

"Actually, I prefer alternative more than anything, it's just there are other singers and stuff that are good too." I said.

"Me too. What bands do you like?"

"Let's see, I like 'Sick Puppies' the best and a lot more that you will probably find in there." I said pointing at the basket in his hand. "How about you?"

"I don't really have a favorite, but I like practically everything you picked out except the country." He said making a disgusted face at the end.

"It's not like I'm a fan of country, I just like a few people." I said defending myself.

"Whatever." He said rolling his eyes and I had the urge to stick out my tongue, but thought better not to.

"Anyways, where are the iPods and laptops?" I asked.

"There." He said pointing towards lines of computers and locked up devices. We made our way to the locked up things first and seen a lot of different types of iPods but decided to just get the new nano.

"Purple, black, or silver?" I asked looking at Alec.

"Purple." One of the workers got it out for us and I put it with the other items we had. Then we made our ways to the last item I needed. I choose a nice fifteen inch laptop that had a lot of memory and gig.

"Shiny or dull black?" I asked.

"Dull."He answered and I grabbed the dull black laptop. I knew what I wanted to get, I just wanted to see if he would get it right and surprisingly he did. I paid, though Alec put up a fight, using the black credit card Alice had given me when we said goodbye. Alec was still grumbling when we were outside of the store.

"Alec, don't worry it's not my money."

"Who's money is it then?" he asked curiously.

"The Cullen's." I said trying to sound nonchalant but failing miserably.

"Did you want to talk about them? Of how you ended up here?" He asked.

"No, not just yet."

"Okay. We should be heading back now before your brother or father start to worry." He joked.

"You're the one that would be in trouble." I pointed out.

"Now that is where you are wrong, because they don't even know that I left." He said smiling smugly.

He followed me of his own accord? Why? Was he worried of me being on my own? I felt flattered that Alec had chosen to follow me, but really confused as to why. And he hadn't told anyone he was leaving to follow me, so clearly he didn't want anyone to know. That would example why he was hiding behind that pillar and following me in the shadows. But none of that really answered my other questions. This guy was seriously going to make my brain blow up.

"Yeah, let's go." I said sounding slightly detached lost in my thoughts.

"Okay." He said sounding worried. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, just a lot on my mind." I answered smiling lightly.

We walked to the castle in a thoughtful silence. I couldn't seem to get over the fact that he was stalking me earlier because he wanted to. Maybe he was just overly curious as to what I was up to and was bored enough to follow. That actually felt like a valid excuse, because surely he was interested in me than more than for curiosity sake. Just like Edward. No, that wasn't fair on Alec I didn't know him well enough to even judge the slightest things. _Not everyone is as heartless as Edward_, I kept reassuring myself. If I believed everyone was heartless I would just end up hiding my heart never allowing anyone in and I didn't want to be eternally in solitude.

Is that what Alec had been doing? Hiding his heart? From the conversation early that's kind of what he was suggesting. Why would he do that though and yet not want to live in loneliness?

"We're here." Alec said breaking through my thoughts.

"Thank you, for today Alec. It was fun." I said honestly.

"Same here." He said before disappearing again.

I made my way to my room walking at a human pace and found Jane sitting on my bed staring out the window seeming to be lost in thought.

"Hello, Jane." I said surprised.

"Bella." She said getting up and walking towards me. I was afraid of what she was going to do next. Would she try to attack me?

"Don't worry, I'm here to talk." She said shutting the door behind me. I relaxed slightly when she said that and went to place all the bags along with the one's Alec dropped off.

"What did you want to talk about?" I asked sitting on the bed.

"Marcus told me about our tie about a couple of days ago. That's the reason you haven't seen me around, I just needed to think."

"Umm, yeah I was actually going to look for you when I got back."

"Really?" She asked not really believing me.

"Yes, I was going to try to befriend you." I said honestly.

"So how do we go about doing this?"

"You could help me with my computer and stuff, that should help us get to know each other." I suggested.

"Sounds like a plan." She said. I could tell that we were going to get along just fine.

After hours later of talking and laughing, we found out that we had many things in common and we're not to different from each other except maybe when it comes to giving pain. Jane actually wasn't bad once you got to know her, but for some reason she did enjoy torturing people. She told me that the only reason she could come up with not liking me was because she couldn't use her power on me and that Aro accepted me very quickly. She said when she was thinking about us becoming friends that she realized that it was nothing that I could control and she let her jealously get the better of her. After she got that off her chest it was all smooth sailing for our friendship.

"Jane, do you know where I am supposed to hunt?" I asked when everything was silent.

"No, are you not going to have a regular diet?"

"No, it wouldn't feel right to me, not after knowing I was going to go vegetarian for so long."

"I could see how that makes sense." She said nodding her head. "Hey, maybe I could try it when you go?"

"Yeah, that would be fun. I didn't really want to go alone, so that's perfect." I said enthusiastically practically bouncing in place making Jane laugh.

"So, you went with my brother shopping?" Jane asked innocently.

"Technically yes I did, but I didn't ask him to come. I knew he was following me so I called him out and then we went shopping." I told her trying to make her not be suspicious.

"That's weird."

"Why?" I asked.

"It's weird, because Alec never shows interest in anyone let alone stalks them. Usually, he stays in his room or sometimes plays with Felix or Demetri." She said contemplatively.

"Anyways, I'm going to find Marcus and ask about the hunting thing. Bye." I said trying to get away from the topic choose. I already thought way too much about it I didn't need to think more the subject.

When I came to Marcus's door I was about to knock when I heard him say 'enter.' His room was almost the exact same as mine except everything was a royal blue instead of lavender. He had a book in his lap while he sat by a fireplace.

"Did you have a pleasant day?" He asked looking up from his book.

"Yes, I just came by to ask about how I am supposed to hunt." I said sitting in a chair next to him.

"Yes, well there is a forest miles away that would have to do. I would like someone to be with you at all times when you are out of the city, though." He said with protectiveness oozing from his voice. I got up and hugged him, whispering an 'of course' before sitting back down.

"How's your new friend?" He asked humor in his eyes so I knew he knew about my time with Alec.

"Which one?" I asked exasperated.

"Jane, of course. Who else could it have been?" He asked to innocently.

"Okay, I know you know about my day with Alec. Anyways, both of them are great. This whole day has been fun." I said.

"I'm glad. So are you going hunting anytime soon?"

"I was thinking of going tomorrow and Jane wants to join me." I said trying to suppress a laugh from imagining Jane drinking from animals; I highly doubted she was going to enjoy herself.

"Have fun with that then." He said chuckling softly probably picturing the same thing.

I left the room and decided to just travel around the castle. I opened doors that didn't have a recent smell but all I found were bedrooms. After awhile of looking in bedrooms, I decided to head back. As I turned I noticed a small door and went to see if it was unlocked. The door handle was rusted and a bit stuck telling me that it hadn't been opened very often. I glanced around before opening it up more and looking inside. It seemed to lead to another place all together, but to get there I had to crawl through. After glancing around once more I crawled into the tunnel backwards in order to close the door.

When I finally got to the other side, I got up and dusted off my pants before looking around. A large pond was in the corner with rocks of different colors decorating around and in it. The walls were made of glass, allowing a beautiful scene of the countryside hills. A large chandelier decorated the ceiling along with a few cracks that allowed the rain to seep through. The rest of the room had some furniture that was falling apart, dust and cobwebs cluttered the entire place. The floor was made of marble and had small puddles everywhere. Wilted flowers covered tables, vases, and the floor. To anyone else this place would seem rundown, but to me the large room was an ancient masterpiece. I walked around my hand hovering over every object I came across. Broken books were on the tables, but I couldn't read anything on them since years of rain splashed on the pages.

I wondered if anybody else knew of this place. It seemed like a perfect place to get away from everything. On a sunny day this place would be idealistic. Did anyone come in here to just enjoy it? I inhaled to try to catch a scent that might answer my question and was surprised of the only person came in here, very recently, was none other than Alec.

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**I wonder what's going to happen next with the room. :) **

**Review's make me make you a big batch of your favorite cookies. **


	4. Ch 3 New and Old

**Don't own Twilight.**

**Thanks for all the reviews and alerts.**

**I don't know if I should do an Alec POV, if you want it review please and tell me.**

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_Seek Not My Heart--- New and Old_

I walked through the corridors trying to be as stealthy as possible. Maybe, Alec wouldn't even know I was in that hidden room. That was all I could hope. That place just seemed to be like a sanctuary that I would not like to disturb. I made my way to my room not seeing anyone around and sighed in relief that I was not caught.

What was it about Alec?

Sure he was probably the most attractive guy I have ever met, but that wouldn't cause me to feel some sort of a pull towards him. Nothing for that matter should make me feel this way. I hardly know the guy. Even though yesterday we spent the time together, alone. It was spent in silence most of the time.

He seemed sad, maybe depressed even. His eyes held something in them that I have not seen in anyone before. Almost like he was lost and didn't know his place in the world and didn't care anymore. Was it all about him being alone for so many years? Had that been what he was talking about in the church?

Jane did say he seemed to only spend his time with himself or others when he felt like it. So why follow me? Why would he want to?

A light knock invaded through my thoughts dispelling many unanswered questions. I said a light 'enter' before sitting up in my bed. Aro opened the door with a giant smile plastered on his face.

"Sweet Bella, how have the days been to you?"

"They have been fine. I've been making many friends." I said trying to muster a small smile.

"Ah, that is good. I had heard you and Jane are finally seeing eye to eye, and Alec helped you with shopping."

"Yes, Jane is actually going to show me where I should hunt and try it for herself." I replied trying to stir the conversation from Alec.

"I know, but what of Alec?" He asked innocently.

"What about him?" I asked just as innocently, but failing and sounding overly cautious.

"Did you two get along well?" He asked.

"Yes, we have music preferences in common." I answered. He nodded contemplatively.

"Was there something you needed from me Aro?" I asked as politely as I could.

"No. Oh yes, I wanted to know if you considered joining the guard yet?"

"Not yet, but I am thinking about it." I told him honestly.

"Good. Well, have a good evening, Bella."

"You as well, Aro." I said just as he shut the door behind his walking form.

I stared at the door completely confused about what had just occurred. Well, more so confused about the way Aro had mentioned Alec. It was like he knew something that was supposed to be a secret, like that first day I got here the way Marcus and him had that look. But what did it have to do with Alec? Or myself for that matter? Did Alec know what was up with those two? Where was Alec now?

I quickly got up and ran straight to Jane's room, trying desperately to distract myself from my own mind. Everything since I got here has been about Alec. If I was trying to avoid him, I couldn't even do it in my own head. Why? I finally got to Jane's door, but before I could even knock she opened the door quickly.

"Hey, wanna take me out hunting?" I asked overenthusiastically. _Fresh air maybe that would clear my head._

"Um, sure." She replied looking at me as if I had finally lost it. With the way her brother was always present in my mind, I wouldn't be surprised if I had gone crazy. I wonder if that would make me the first crazy vampire.

"Good, let's go." I said making a gesture for her to lead the way.

We ran down several of the corridors before finally exiting from the final door. Stars sparkled throughout the almost blackened sky. A full moon seemed to cover everything below with a beautiful light. The streets were empty except for maybe a small group or two coming or going to a bar. Nobody bothered us as we made our way passed the city walls walking at a fast human pace. Once we were passed and seen no one around, we set our true speed out running towards the dense forest miles away.

We didn't stop until we were far out into the forest, and Jane beckoned me to start. Animals that sensed our presence began scurrying into their homes, rustling leaves softly. Heartbeats drummed a high paced song, while enticing smells wafted and mingled through the air causing a burn to flare up in my throat. A week without hunting as a newborn, that probably could have ended badly especially since I was around humans today. I made my way east towards what sounded like a spring. Many animals were drinking from the water, before I drank from two and the others noticed. I took down two more and allowed the others to get away, I was satisfied and didn't need to purge.

Jane appeared soon after with a disgusted scowl covering her angelic face. I pictured her rubbing her tongue on her sleeve trying to get rid of a foul taste, and snickered to myself causing a deeper scowl to decorate her features.

"So I take it you don't approve?" I asked trying to hide my amusement.

"No, that was repulsive. How you eat that I will never know. I think I shall be sticking with my dietary chose, if you don't mind." She huffed.

"Of course not, by all means eat what suits you best, but aren't you the one that was curious about animals? You know they say 'curiosity killed the cat."

"Yeah, well I am not going to be the one killing any cats or any animals for that matter, that's your job." She said getting back to a more pleasant mood.

"I don't think I would find cat's that appealing." I said.

"You know…" She began, but paused and looked at the night sky.

"Yes." I prodded after many seconds of silence.

"My brother seems to want to try the vegetarian thing; maybe you could take him next time." She said with that same I-know-something-you-don't-know look that Aro had. _Does everyone know?_

"Sure, I guess if he wants." I replied somewhat confused. What was up with everyone? Just as I was finally about to ask what has been on my mind, Jane steered the conversation in a different direction and succeeded in distracting me.

"So have you called the Cullen's at all?"

"No, not yet, but I have thought about it." I said quietly.

"What's been holding you back?" Jane asked sitting next to me on a fallen tree.

"I just…I don't know what to say to them. I mean I didn't even say goodbye to most of them. They probably think I don't love them anymore, now that…" I stopped abruptly, remembering that I hadn't told anyone what happened and wasn't sure if I was ready yet.

"You don't have to say anymore until you're ready." She said giving me a reassuring smile.

"No, I trust you to not say anything." I said. "After, my change Edward took me out to hunt. Well, he didn't. Edward took me far into the forest and told me he only loved me because of my humanity. Since I was no longer human, I was no longer wanted. He left me on the forest ground for the second time of my life. I hunted some and made my way towards the home to find just Alice and Jasper waiting for me. I was too much of a coward to say goodbye to anyone else." My voice got quieter towards the end of my mini story. Jane had been silent except for the occasional growl.

"You should call them. They all probably still love you and would most likely want to hear from you. If anything it's a way to say goodbye."

"I will. Thank you, Jane." I said hugging her.

We took off towards the castle never slowing down our vampire speed. The sun was beginning to rise as well as the people. I started to think about how my family would react to hear that I wasn't coming back anytime soon. Alice probably already knows, which would mean so does Jasper. I probably already made them all sad, would me not going back make it all worse? I hoped that they would understand. And what of Edward? Did they know what he did? He probably put up that whole golden boy persona for Carlisle and Esme in order to stay. Were the Cullen's even whole still?

The only way that I was going to figure anything out was to not chicken out and actually make that phone call. When we reached the entryway, I continued to run until I reached my room and cell phone. Before I could think their number was already dialed and ringing. Two rings, then an answer.

"Hello Bella." My dear pixie sister answered with her usual cheerful voice.

"Hey, Alice. How have you been?" Other voices made themselves known by saying my name in shock then excitement.

"Great, but we all miss you so much. Before we start talking, why don't you speak to everybody else?" She said before I heard shuffling going on.

"Bella, how are you baby sis? I really miss you." Emmett boomed through the phone.

"Hey big bear, I've been fine and miss you too. Is everything good over there?"

"Yeah, everything's fine. You should come back, Eddumbass has been sent to stay with the Denali's."

"Why was he sent away?"

"Alice told us about what he did and none of us wanted to see his pretty face around, so Carlisle sent him away. Are you going to be coming back?" He asked hopefully and I felt extremely bad for my answer.

"I'm sorry Em, but right now I need time away, alright? But I promise that I will visit sometime." I told him sadly.

"That's fine Bella, just as long as I get to see you again." He said before another shuffle was made.

"Hey Bella." A whispered voice of Rosalie spoke. "I know we weren't exactly close, but umm…I just wanted you to know that I always considered you a sister." She said sincerely.

"Same here, big sis. Hopefully, we can get to know each other better in the future."

"Yeah, I would like that." She said and another shuffle.

"Bella, I thought I should tell you Rosalie wasn't lying." Jasper said, then a sound of boulders hitting. "I think she already knows I wasn't lying." Rosalie muttered.

"Where'd she hit you, Jazz?" I asked amused.

"She hit my head, after she tried to punch my arm." He sounded like he would be pouting on the other end. Everyone else was laughing on the other end. "I really just wanted to tell you to do what will make you happy, I know it sounds cheesy and all, but you're my sis and I want you to be happy even if it means never coming back."

"Thanks Jazz, and your right it does sound cheesy." I said laughing, and heard Jasper chuckling then a shuffle.

"Bella dear, is everything fine? Everybody is treating you well over there, right?" Esme's motherly voice asked.

"Everything's fine, Esme. I've made many friends among the Volturi."

"That's good. Come back to us soon, dear." Another shuffle.

"Bella, you will always be considered a daughter to me even if you choose to not be a Cullen." Carlisle said.

"Thank you, Carlisle."

"Tell my greetings to my old friends and stay well, Bella." Carlisle said before handing the phone over.

"Hold on, I'm going to need to get out of here." Alice said. About two minutes later and she spoke again.

"So what's up?"

"Nothing, I just can't figure out what I'm going to do anymore."

"Things will be better, just wait and never give up hope." She told me cryptically.

"Why can't you just tell me what you saw?"

"It will change the future; just always remember to never give up hope."

"Never give up about what?" I asked exasperated.

"Love." She simply said.

"Have you seen who he is?" I asked shocked about the fact that I even had another chance at love, and that apparently Alice has seen my future mate.

"Yes, and I've seen you so happy, but to get there just remember what I said."

"I will, Alice."

"Goodbye Bella and I can't wait for your next call in two weeks." She said happily.

"Wait, I didn't decide to call then, how…?"

"Some things that might happen will make you call me, even if you didn't decide yet."

"Okay then, bye Alice." I said hanging up.

The sun was in the middle of the sky telling the world what time of day it was, no clouds obscured the view, but being a vampire doesn't allow you to enjoy that type of day. My day seemed like it was going to be an empty one, the only things roving through my mind were about what Alice said about never give up hope in love. She obviously has seen my true mate, my forever. The only problem though was I just wasn't too sure if I even wanted to be in love again. I loved Edward and just ended up with a heart in shreds. Then there was Jacob, who basically was just competing with Edward using me. I loved them, they hurt me. Did I want to love again?

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**I know this one's shorter but I just couldn't continue with it.**

**Reviews make Jasper covered completely in your favorite ice cream to devour up. **


	5. Ch 4 Moments

**Everyone already knows this but I have to state it: Twilight does not belong to me.**

**Thank you all so much for the reviews and alerts.**

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_Seek Not My Heart—Moments_

"Human's are coming, sorry." Jane told me. After my phone call with my old family, I stayed lying on my bed letting my mind wander. Everything just seemed so confusing these days and I had no idea how to process any of it. Jane came over about three hours later to warn me about the soon-to-be meals that were arriving in half an hour.

"It's alright; I'll just… go out for some air." I said rolling off the bed.

"Well, you don't…"

"Jane, I really don't want to hear wants going to go on." I interrupted. "This isn't weird. Just because we don't have the same diet doesn't mean it's going to be weird. I'll just not be around during that time."

"Yeah, alright. Did you want me to go? I mean I did just hunt with you yesterday, so I'm set for the next week." She said

"No, you can stay. Well, technically you really didn't hunt much; maybe you should grab a bite." I said trying to show her I really was okay.

"Yeah, your right, I guess have fun outside then." She said before skipping out of my room.

I went to my wardrobe to get my cloak before making my journey towards the exit. Many people waved as they passed me, probably going to the throne room. I walked at a fast pace, trying to get out before the screaming started. I wished that there was something I could do to stop them from drinking from humans, but I knew they already found my diet weird and wouldn't even consider trying it.

Somehow I felt someone following me and knew who they were without a scent. I didn't understand how I could feel who it was, so I just chalked it up to being involved with my power.

"Aren't you going to eat with the others?" I asked without stopping.

"How do you do that?" Alec asked making his way to walk beside me.

"I don't know, gift maybe." I replied shrugging. "You didn't answer my question."

"I already hunted. Plus, I have started to reconsider a diet change."

"So you hunted animals." I said glancing at him.

"Yes, it's actually not as bad as Jane made it out to be. Maybe I could join you the next time you hunt?" He asked with a bit of hope.

"Okay, that's sounds fine, I don't think anyone else wants to try anyways and apparently Marcus wants me to have a chaperone. Are you going out too?"

"Actually, I was following you again." He stated like it was the most natural thing in the world.

"Why?" I asked.

"I was bored. So here I am." He shrugged

"You were bored?" I asked in disbelief as I began putting my cloak around myself. For some reason I felt a little disappointed with his answer. I wanted to delve deeper into that emotion to find out why, but before I could he began speaking and I decided to question it later.

"Yeah, I had nothing else to do and everybody else is busy." He said as he opened the door for me.

"That's true, I guess." I said.

"So what were you planning today?" He asked stopping when we were a good distance away from the castle.

"Not anything really, I just didn't want to be around." I said simply.

"Why didn't you want to stay inside?" He asked curiosity burning through his eyes.

"I didn't want to hear the screams." I whispered, knowing he would be able to hear, as I began to walk again.

"Oh." He said simply as he followed me.

A very awkward silence fell over us after that. I probably made him feel bad about his recently old diet change and didn't mean to at all. I quickly asked the first question that came out of my mouth.

"Why did you decide to change diets?"

"I felt like it." He said, for some reason it felt like he was lying, but I chose to leave it alone for now. Maybe, he had his reasons for lying.

"I hear you and my darling sister are good friends now." He stated.

"Yeah, it was a complete surprise that we could actually get along so well." I said shock coming out in my voice. Even though Jane and I became friends days ago, it still never ceased to surprise me.

"She was just jealous of you before." He stated simply.

"Yeah, she told me about the jealousy thing and couldn't believe that she could be jealous of me." I said.

"From what I could gather, she considers you her best friend now. Do you?" He asked looking at me from his peripheral.

"I feel that I could consider Jane like a sister." I told him.

"She'll be glad to hear it. Thank you." He said gratefully.

"For what?" I asked.

"For actually becoming her friend. Most people don't even want to get to know her because they're afraid. She's never had a true friend before." He said.

"How about the people here?" I asked.

"They never bother to get to know her for her. They just want to be her 'friend' so she won't hurt them. That's why she acts the way she does." He said with a hint of sadness in his tone.

"I thought she only acted that ways towards me." I said.

"No, she's pretty much cold towards everyone. I think the reason she gave you a chance was that there was no reason for you to hate or fear her. I encouraged her to befriend you when she asked my opinion." He said truthfully.

"People can be so infuriating." I mumbled. "I'm glad Marcus told us of our bond or else we would have never thought of befriending one another." He simply nodded.

"Do you know anywhere to hang out around here?" I asked coming to a halt.

"We could try the forest; there is not much around here, unless you like shopping?"

"No, the forest is good." I said a bit quickly earning a chuckle from Alec. _It was a magnificent sound_.

"You don't like shopping much, do you?" He asked.

"Once you shop with Alice you learn to loath the very site of a clothing store." I laughed remembering some of her worst shopaholic episodes.

"You're probably the only girl I know that doesn't get excited about clothes. You're different." He said walking again.

"Is that good?" I asked a bit self-consciously. For some reason, I needed Alec's approval.

"Very." He said winking before taking off towards the forest.

If I had been human my face would be on fire, as it was I stood there a bit in shock before shaking it off and taking off after him. I followed his scent, which went pretty far since he had a good head start, into to the forest. Alec's wonderful scent seemed to be heading towards the sound of a bubbling brook. It seemed that it was where he was currently, because other than that everything was silent. No creatures for miles, well at least no living creatures for miles. Either he grabbed a few snacks or they all just ran until they considered it safe.

I made my way to an opening through the trees and come across a small creek with a slope on the opposite side full of luscious green grass flowing like a river from the warm breeze, and in the middle looking like the perfect picture of relax was a shining Alec. I just stood there stunned by how gorgeous he truly was, and afraid that this godlike creature would disappear. The sun seemed to only shine on him, creating a sphere of light around his figure.

My gazing was cut short when Alec abruptly sat up and caught my stare. I quickly looked towards some passing birds with my hand running shakily through my hair, trying unsuccessfully to act like I wasn't staring. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Alec grinning smugly and trying not to laugh. If his grin didn't make me feel so light, I would have hit him across the head.

"What? I was just looking at the birds." I huffed, walking up the slope and gracefully sitting down.

"Birds? If you say so." He said chuckling slightly before lying back down. Soon after glaring at nothing, I joined him.

"This is nice." I whispered after awhile of comfortable silence.

I could feel a stare on me and opened my eyes to Alec propped up on his elbow looking straight at me. He didn't even look away when I stared right back into his ruby eyes. Some of his hair was brushing against his eyes and I just wanted to wipe it away, but didn't want to ruin what was happening by scaring him off. We didn't move, didn't speak; simply stayed trapped in one another's gaze.

This was one of those moments's that would just stay in your mind forever, cherished. The spell was broken when darkness completely took over and nightlife creatures started traveling around. Alec got up and for a moment I thought he was going to make a run for it, but he surprised me by offering his hand to help me up. A bolt of electricity went straight to my heart and I could have sworn it beat for a second when my hand connected with Alec's. He jolted a little and I knew he had felt it as well. But what did it mean?

Our intertwined hands were reluctantly pulled apart as we started to head back to the castle. For some reason I felt cold. He never spoke, and neither did I. When we were in front of the doors, I reached out to open the door but my hand was quickly taken into Alec's. Once we were touching that coldness just disappeared. Again he said nothing; I couldn't take his silence and desperately wanted to just leave, but something in his eyes made me just stay. Gaining courage, I swept his hair out of his eyes, my fingertips just brushing against his skin. His eyes closed as my feather light touch glided towards his jaw.

In the back of my mind, I was questioning our actions. I mean we hardly know each other, but…it felt like I've always known him. If anything it seems that he feels the same way. Whatever, these feelings are.

As my fingertip grazed along his chin, his eyes snapped open and the look in his eyes held a battle that was there for only a second, before he let go of me and rushed inside. Leaving me dazed and confused. I stood there unmoving before deeply inhaling and shakily letting the air leave my dead lungs. I placed my hand on the door knob but gave one look at the sky, noticing it was a new moon tonight, and made my way inside after another deep breath.

I ran towards my room not seeing anyone in the halls, not wanting to see anyone. Alec just left me feeling completely flabbergasted. I couldn't think clearly, at all. If anyone tried to speak to me at this moment, I would prove to be a babbling mess. I needed to just lie down and relax, in order to pull myself together.

I tried listening to my music, but somehow all the songs just reminded me of the one person I was desperately trying not to think about yet. Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec….ever since I got here, he is the one constant thing running through my mind. How vexing! Do I like him? He is kind of hard to not like, but this just seems more than a simple crush. More than I have felt before, but all these emotions come and go before I have time to read into them. And earlier when he said he only followed me simply because he was bored, I felt disappointed. Could I actually feel more for him? Could I actually lo….

A knock at the door broke through my mini mental breakdown and I gladly opened it revealing Jane, the person that could probably help me. I quickly pulled her in and shut the door.

"Hey, what's the rush?" She asked slightly peeved.

"I just….I needed to talk." I said pacing.

"Umm, are you alright? You look… flustered, I guess." She said plopping on my bed.

"Okay, well don't get weird, but ahh…your brother and I spent the day together, and we just had little moments." My voice started out slightly strong to just dropping to a mere whisper.

"Really? What kind of moments?" She asked bouncing in her seat.

"You have to promise not to tell." I said.

"I promise and if I break it I'll…let you make my gift backfire on me again." She said seriously. I nodded.

"We spent practically the entire day just staring at one another's eyes in a beautiful part of the forest." I told her, getting flustered thinking about it.

"I don't know how you did that for the entire day, but it seems pretty magical. Did anything else happen?"

"When we were at the southern entrance, he took my hand in his and I brushed the hair out of his eyes. But out of nowhere, he just left me there." I said plopping down right next to her.

"Alec can be pretty weird sometimes."

"So you don't know what his problem is?" I asked.

"There are some things that Alec keeps to himself, and I think this would be one of them. I know we're twins, but everyone has secrets. If he brings it up to me though, I'll be sure to tell you." She said.

"Thank you, Jane." I said giving her a hug.

"So do you like him?" She asked when I let her go.

"Who?" I asked trying to play dumb.

"Who? You know who. Do you like my brother, Alec?"

"How could someone not like him?"

"Okay. Do you love him?" She asked. For an instant I seen that glint that Aro and Marcus always had when speaking about Alec to me.

"I barely know him. What is it that everyone seems to know?" I finally asked.

"I don't know what you mean." She said looking around the room.

"Jane, did you know that you're not a very good liar?"

"No one is allowed to say anything, well at least for now. Don't worry its nothing bad, and when the time comes I'll be the first to tell you."

"Fine." I huffed. "So Jane is there anyone you are interested in?"

"Pssht, no." When she seen my glare, she spoke. "Fine, I kind of have a thing for…"

"I didn't hear anything you said." I said.

"Felix." She finally whispered out.

"Really?" I asked in disbelief, when she looked at me embarrassed I immediately backtracked. "Don't look at me like that; it's just that Felix is like a brother to me. Hey, how about when he comes back from whatever Aro sent him to, we could all hang out?"

"That sounds fine, I guess. Just promise you won't say anything."

"I promise." I said.

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**Hmm…. Reviews please, and criticism is always golden.**

**Something seemed to be missing in this chapter, but I couldn't quite place it, if anyone can tell me please just tell me. Or maybe I'm just not completely liking how it turned out.**


	6. Ch 5 Senses

**Sorry for the last chapter, it was rushed and just not how I wanted it to turn out. I promise in the future to really make sure that everything is 100%. And to make it up to everyone I made this an Alec POV and longer. : )**

**Well, thank you to those of you that did review.**

**Twilight is not mine.**

**Without further ado…**

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_Seek Not My Heart— Senses_

**Alec POV **

Many of my kind would like to refer to humans as only a natural food source, nothing more nothing less. If you were meant to die as nothing more than a meal, how could you become something less? To me, to become less would be to simply become a vampire. Humans are so much more than the eternally damned. They are allowed to live as if they were going to die in any minute and most die in peace, while we simply grow bored after years of the same blandness.

Nothing lives forever, eventually we all die. Or so they say. Vampires would scoff at that saying and not think twice about it. I, on the other hand, believe, in a way, the same can be constituted about vampires. We may walk around with the living, but inside we are filled with death- though it may not be ours, it surrounds us. Death is our life, and we cannot escape. It is the one thing we share in common with humans. Just with a different aspect.

I just sat around, not exactly doing anything, just like every other day that we were not sent on missions. My only company that I truly allowed to kept, being my mind. Thoughts of life, death, were running through my mind as always when that pesky Cullen came to ask for death. I thought nothing of it; some vampire's grow bored with this life and sometimes came to us to seek what they could not do themselves. But when he wanted death because of some human girl that shocked me. I never believed a vampire could have feelings for a human, other than bloodlust. Never thought a vampire would become close enough to a human in order to get those feelings.

This Edward Cullen thought that his mate was a human. From the people I know with mates they all met as vampires, never human. To me if she was meant to be with him, then she would have already been changed even if it had to be from him. Yet, he did nothing and now she is died. They were not mates; they were not destined to be.

Once, I had wanted a mate. I had wanted to be able to have someone, to not be alone. That want didn't last very long. As I watched others of the guard with their mates, I realized I never wanted to be so changed. So not in control of my own self.

Apparently, though the Edward boy's source got their information wrong and the human girl was alive. She came to save the boy with his 'sister.' Aro sent me to wait for Jane, Demitri, and Felix to arrive and lead them all to the throne room. My life changed when a tug in my chest pulled towards a striking human that had big fearful brown eyes. An emotion brewed under the surface towards her as she looked at me. It felt similar to sorrow. This enchanting creature was terrified of me and it made me feel sad. I could not understand it. The two Cullen's and she were only a fleeting moment, but it was enough to cause her to haunt my every thought after. Her terrified orbs, her shaky voice, and her thrumming heartbeat. Though she was terrified, she was beautiful. Everything about her plagued my very being.

For months it had been that way, but I never searched her out; I never really wanted to. She could live with her Cullen's with forgetting that I had ever existed, and I could go on not caring for much in this life just as before. It may not sound like I had a happy life, and it's true I never felt happy; but then again I never felt much. Never wanted to. Sure I would mess around with Felix or Demetri, but that's all superficial fun.

She came back, as a vampire, deciding to spend a fortnight with us. The look she gave me this time was completely different than the last; it made me feel lighter for some reason. My chest didn't feel so empty since she came back. That slight pull I had felt towards her as a human, became stronger, but I choose to ignore it. I wondered why she came to be with us alone, without her precious Cullen. I heard about the newborn rampage that happened by a revenge hungry woman, and how she had turned the girl. Was that what caused her 'love' to not be with her? I didn't know, and I frankly didn't care.

I avoided her, because just like I never wanted to search for her, I didn't care to know her. It was strange how she had some type of a hold on me. Her coming here just made things difficult, because though I didn't care to know her it hurt to ignore her. I couldn't understand what was going on with me. Maybe, I was turning into one of the vampires that lose their minds after awhile.

The first time, out of days, I left my room I seen her leaving the castle alone. I was curious as to where she was going and decided to follow. For some reason, she was able to sense me and get me to talk to her. Spending my day with her was the best and the worst experience of my life. When I was around her she made me feel as if I was human again, but she also made me much more terrified that she could cause such strange, new emotions to emerge from me. It was like I had no control over myself anymore. And I loathed it.

After that, my thoughts were filled much more about her than previously. Every book, every song, everything had her face, her eyes, her words, voice. I couldn't understand any of it. I almost wanted to just get rid of her forever, but an ache in my dead heart made me stop that thought process stop immediately. Maybe, if I was actually losing my mind Aro would allow my death.

My sister told me all about her new friend, and I was glad that Jane finally had one. Even if it happened to be that girl. Jane was for the first time truly happy. She even spoke about hunting animals, but said how atrocious they were. I told her I would test it out for curiosity sake. I lied, to her and myself, for some unknown reason I almost wanted that girl to accept me, just like Jane. If I hunted the same as her, it might make that easier.

Hunting animals was a first and I didn't think they tasted as bad as Jane made them out to be, but maybe it was because I genuinely wanted to switch diets. Since she came here the first time, humans just never seemed appealing anymore. Now though I can switch diets without anyone questioning me about it, whereas before she came everyone would probably want to know why. And how do you tell a bunch of human blood lovers that you changed diets because of some fleeting human girl? But now, they could all just assume that I didn't want to make her feel different or something like it.

I really wanted to stay away from her. I wanted to stay in my room until she left Volterra. There was no way though, I was far too curious about her to ignore her. And I couldn't ignore the emptiness I felt whenever I tried to cease thinking or seeing her.

I needed to know her. And I hated it.

I tried following her again, but she knew I was there somehow. We basked in the sun and I felt content. When she spoke and I looked at her, I couldn't stop staring at her. She was too beautiful to exist on this earth. She must have sensed my eyes on her, because the next moment her striking ruby eyes looked right back at me. I wasn't ashamed to have been caught or for the fact that we stayed like that for the rest of the day. My mind was too busy focusing on how her lips would feel pressed on mine. I didn't act on that thought though; it was a confusing fleeting thought.

When we made it back to the castle, I don't know why but I pulled her hand into mine, something in me didn't want her to leave. Something came alive in that touch. My heart seemed to beat a bit before it was once again dead. Her finger's grazing along my face, felt wonderful and I couldn't get enough of that warmth her touches would leave behind.

It was all so new, and I wanted more.

I left her standing there. But I didn't really care. I just had to get away from her. I couldn't think clearly with her around. Yet, she wouldn't leave my mind even as I entered my room.

There were always things in life that I grew to just ignore, because they served no purpose. Emotions were one of those things. Even when I was young, before changing, I learned that they got you nowhere. Even the positive ones seemed to always lead to negative ones that were so much stronger. My past was always filled with pain worse than our transformation. I became numb in my human life as a child and it never ceased in this life.

Bella.

She came through here and made my lost emotions to return without actually doing anything. But along with them, she brought about new one's that caused me to feel alive. Though my dead heart does not beat, she made it for a second with only a single touch. Though my skin has no warmth, she left pleasing burn with a simple caress.

She was beginning to cause me to question my old beliefs, one's I had since I was past the newborn stage. A magnificent creature such as her could never be considered to be less than anything. She was so much more, the brightness in this dreary world. She could never be simply just death. Maybe we, other vampires, are but not her. Never her. Bella was the essence of life, in my eyes.

I couldn't be with her, yet wouldn't stay away.

Why? I had no answer.

How could something so mesmerizing be so terrifying? Yet again, no answer.

I needed her to leave. I wanted her to stay.

She was making my life one big contradiction. I couldn't think properly anymore and it was driving me insane. Though it hurt, I wished I had never laid eyes on her. Wished she didn't come back. The only hope I had left was that she would not join the guard and just leave after her visit ceased.

I couldn't stay in my room any longer; I was beginning to feel claustrophobic. The only place that would probably save me for awhile was my haven. Other's have never gone there, either because they never noticed the small door or just ignored it. Out of curiosity sake I had found it, and escaped to there ever since.

I grabbed my sketch book and pencils. Drawing was the only activity that helped me throw my thoughts away, except for the ideas and beauty that I wanted on paper. The halls were empty many with their others, the living world outside the walls were silent truly escaping. I entered my sanctum loving the silence of the night. I only took three steps when I smelt that someone had been in here. If it had been anybody else, I would have probably would have ignored it. But her scent was in here.

I didn't know how to react. I came here to get away from thoughts of her, but how do you get away when their scent clouds your senses. Oh, how I wished I could use my gift on myself in that moment.

It didn't look as if she touched anything, only walked around. After minutes, I decided to just get lost in drawing. The wind whistling through the creaks of the walls, drips of old rainy days falling thanks to gravity, stars that shined in the room like candle lights. I wasn't even paying attention to what was going on between my paper and pencil, so when I looked down after awhile I wanted to rip apart everything that I could see.

The art was of Bella sparkling under the rays of sun on the grassy slope.

I sat frustrated simply staring at what had been created. Even in my own haven, even in my own get away, I couldn't escape her. She was taking over my life, just another thing I loathe.

For the first time in my long life I was scared. This girl, Bella, she terrified me with the way she could just take over me so completely. She was becoming the blood that I no longer needed, the heart that has long since stopped beating, the mind that I once thought was my most cherished company. How could I, Alec Amadeo Volturi, be scared by some gorgeous girl?

Oh, how I dread seeing her again.

**JPOV – Jane, hahahaha another person. Gotta love it :) **

I knew of the bond that existed between my twin brother and my new best friend. Master Aro had told me after Master Marcus has spoke of the bond that would be between myself and Bella. I was ecstatic that he would no longer be alone. That was one of the ultimate reasons I had given Bella a chance. My brother had always been distant towards everyone, even as a human. Sometimes he was even a bit distant towards me. He really needed someone, and what I could see from Bella so did she.

After getting to know her I could see that they were definitely perfect for each other. The only problem for them will be when they realize their feelings and how they act on it. Bella might question them at first but probably embrace them. Now Alec on the other hand, he will fight till they are both destroyed. They kind of balanced each other out on some things. One example would be of how selfish Alec can be, but how selfless Bella is. They had plenty in common as well when it came to the arts; literature, music, and the usual arts.

I've been trying to get them closer, but there is no way to get Alec to do that Alec doesn't want to do. And Bella just seems to be lost in her thoughts most of the time. The only thing I could hope for is she is thinking of my brother. I am happy that he has at least spent the day with her, twice. As long as they are around each other, even if it is bit by bit, it's still progress.

How I wish I could just tell them they are meant to be, it would make things so much easier. But no, Master Marcus wants them to come to love each other before telling them. I tried to explain that things may just get bad, but all he says is that if it comes to that they are mature adults that can deal with their own problems.

If things do go badly then I plan on taking matters in my own hands. Not by telling them, but whatever the necessary thing to be done is. I just desperately want the two most important people in my life to be happy. For now though all I can do is nudge them the right way.

Bella is obviously going in the right direction. I can see her already having some feelings for my brother. Alec, I have no idea where he is in this. By what Bella had told me, he might have some feelings but is certainly confused by them and probably wants nothing to do with them.

The only thing that I'm not sure about is whether Bella will be joining the guard. Somehow I'll have to get her too, because if she plans on leaving in a week then that is not enough time for the two love birds. Plus, she would have to join in order to stay with Alec forever.

Now, if only I could get my own mate. How I long for Felix to be the one, but something tells me we are not meant for forever. He fears me just like many others, I don't understand why I even like him. Life is so complicated. And I can feel that it is about to become much more complicating.

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**Poor Alec, he is so confused and scared. And I made a bit of a Jane POV.**

**Review**

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	7. Ch 6 Decision

**The Lovely Sparkly Vampire Story does not belong to me.**

**So, so, so sorry. I meant for this to come out sooner, but nothing would come to me. I mean I know what I want in further chapters, but I don't know how to get to them. Don't worry though; I think I have it figured out.**

**Anyways, without further ado—**

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_Seek Not My Heart- Decision_

Has it really been only two weeks that my life changed so drastically? Was I only human and in love fourteen days ago? I feel as if I have been drifting only awake in some moments, for at least a hundred years, since I've started a new life. Am I truly awake and a vampire? Or is it a wishful dream again?

No. No, in the past my wish filled dreams consisted of Edward, myself, and forever. It's a good thing vampires no longer sleep, no longer dream.

It's strange that I no longer feel that tie with Edward anymore; it is almost as if we were never in love. And even though he hurt me, and lied to me, I still care for him but I believe it is more of a sibling love. More like a distant sibling love. Would I ever see him again? I would love to understand why he did what he did, because obviously he was lying.

It matters no more if I ever see him again.

Once the blood stopped flowing, I was destined to start a new life. But where to start, to live?

Ah, and that is the question that is constantly around and desperately needing an answer.

Going back to my former family is definitely out of the question. Too much heartache has happened in that town and with them to ever allow any sense of security.

Living a normal life and pretending to be human similar to that of the Cullen's on my own would be hard to live with by myself. Who wants to always live behind a façade, never having anyone to share what is underneath?

Of course, last but by far not least, joining the guard. After staying here for awhile now, I have not seen any downsides. I'll have a new family, friends, and I will never need to hide what I am, or who. If I don't want this life… well, I suppose there is running to another place since Demetri can't track me anyways.

A big sigh of relief, that I didn't know I was holding, escaped my mouth. I have finally made my decision on what to do. This is now my home; the Volturi is what I have been searching for without even realizing it. I'll have everything I have ever needed, wanted, here.

Having finally thought about my future and decided what I was going to do, I left my room needing to discuss it with Marcus. If anyone could tell me if I was making the right decision it would be him.

"Bella, Bella fo' fella, be by BELLA!" Felix sang while running recklessly towards me.

"Hey Felix, nice song." I said sarcastically.

"Why, thank you." He replied with a mock bow. "So what are you up too?"

"I was actually heading to see Marcus." I said before continuing walking.

"Can I come with?"

It might be good to have someone else's input as well, and since Felix was already like a brother to me I know he would like an input. Even though it was pretty obvious that he would want me to stay.

"Sure." I shrugged.

"So, is there a reason we're seeing the ol' man?" He asked.

"Kind of, don't worry its nothing bad. I'm pretty sure everyone is going to be happy." I told him.

"Please tell me, I wanna know now." Felix whined, from my peripheral I could see him pouting towards me. "Please, please my sweet little sissy Bells."

"Don't give me that look, you'll find out soon." I said. He huffed and when I finally thought he was just going to be patient, he quickly hoisted me up on his shoulder with me facing forward and took off running towards our destination.

"Patience of a three year old." I mumbled from his back. "I think you can put me down now since we're here."

"Nope, you just stay where you are for right now." His hand that wasn't holding me knocked lightly on the door.

"Come in Felix, Bella." Marcus's voice said on the other end.

Felix walked in like me hanging off his shoulder was a normal everyday thing, and Marcus simply gave us a questioning glance with a slight smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.

"Bella needed to speak to you and was walking to slow for me."

"No, it was more like you didn't have enough patience to wait for what I wanted to talk about." I said trying to hold my head up.

"What do you need to speak of?" Marcus asked.

"Well, when Felix puts me down I'll start." Just as I finished my sentenced, he simply dropped me on the floor. "The least you could have done was set me on my feet." I said glaring at him through the hair that fell in my face.

"Now where is the fun in that?" Felix questioned with a smug smile.

"Anyways," I started while getting off the ground, "I just wanted to know if…"

My nerves started to get the best of me and I started to second guess whether anyone would want me to stay. Maybe I was the only one that thought of some as family. Maybe they were all counting the minutes, days, weeks until I would finally leave—all wondering when I would leave. Would I just end up shattered to pieces with no one, again? They say a person's emotions are amplified when turned, how will I live when…

"What is it, Bella?" My new father asked, concerned. "Whatever you need, I will support you."

"I just wanted….I wanted to know what you would like for me to do for my future." Not quite what I was going to ask, but it does find out what I need answered.

"I think you should join the guard." Felix boomed.

"I would love for you to stay with us, but it is all your decision." My father answered.

"Do you think others will want me to stay?" I hesitantly asked while staring at my hands.

"Duh, everybody loves you here. You have made this place more like a family." Felix said patting my back in a comforting gesture.

"Felix is right, my dear. You have made the misunderstood open up and allowed them acceptance."

"Then I shall stay." I finally said. Still those second thoughts were there, barely whispers but still there. I decided to ignore my fears for this once, because no matter what they are always going to be there.

Felix looked like he wanted to run out of the room and yell out to the whole castle about the news. Marcus had an actual smile that made me extremely happy to have put there.

"I should probably talk to Aro, huh?" I asked.

"Why don't we all make our way to the throne room?" Father suggested while taking my right arm and wrapping it around his elbow.

"Can I be the one to spread the news, please?" Felix asked with a pout.

"Fine, take all the fun away from me." I said feigning being upset.

"I am glad that you shall be staying with us." Dad said patting the hand he held.

"As am I."

We walked down the hall and seen many of the others smiling knowingly, and they all seemed genuinely happy about the news that I'm sure they eavesdropped on. It made me feel extremely better that now I knew that all, or most, would be glad about my decision.

Felix practically crashed into the throne room doors with his excitement. Knowing that my brother and father were so happy about my choice caused my nervousness to practically not exist.

I wasn't nervous about Aro, because from the first time I had met him he had always wanted me in the guard. I was feeling a bit nervous by some, mostly one person's, reactions.

Okay, it _was_ one person's reaction.

Since the day Alec and I had spent together, which was four days ago, he has basically just ignored me. But the ignoring isn't so much the problem as is the way he looks at me when we see each other; it's almost as if he can't stand the sight of me. Even Jane had no clue as to what was wrong with him, or maybe she just wouldn't tell me.

How did his attitude change so drastically? Why did it?

I thought we were becoming friends, I suppose I was just blind. Somehow I know that if I were to ask him if he were alright, he would dislike me more.

Why is it that most of the guys I know have some type of bipolar disorder?

I was cut short from my musings by Aro's gleeful voice. I guess I was thinking longer than I thought, because when I looked up it seemed Felix already showed Aro everything and he seemed to be half way through whatever it was he was saying to me.

"…almost thought this day would never come. Ah, Bella we are all so happy to have such a precious asset as yourself. Benvenuti sempre al Volturi." Are said, finishing with a clap of his hands in his excitement.

"Thank you, Master." I said bowing my head a bit.

"Ah, dearest Bella from you none of that is needed. You are like my niece, and as such there is no need for such formalities." He said with a huge smile.

"Alright…uncle." I said somewhat uncertain. I suppose he heard it, because the next thing I knew he wrapped his arms around my shoulders in a hug, to which after a moment of hesitation I returned.

I didn't realize how much I was craving this kind of acceptance until right then.

Once he released me, Jane came running full speed to me and soon I was in her embrace while she jumped around practically carried me.

"Bella, Bella, Bella now you'll always be here. I'm so happy right now, I might explode." She got out through giggles. I just laughed.

Felix grabbed the both of us into a death grip hug. If Jane had been human she would be blushing like crazy. Demetri came over to us and ruffled my head, making me glare and him to chuckle.

"Now I can take you shopping whenever I want." Heidi said, from her spot next to Demetri, smiling smugly at my look of horror. "I promise not to go extremely overboard."

"Which means it will still be overboard." I grumbled as Felix set us down and everyone else laughed.

"It's alright Bella, I'll be there." Jane said.

"I guess that does make me feel better." I said.

I looked around my new family, who were all full of happiness. I left them to themselves as I made my way around the room and before I was even aware of it I was trying to search for Alec.

I found him near the doors, just watching from afar. I walked up slowly to him and simply stood by his side. After a couple of seconds of a bit of tense silence, he spoke.

"You are really going to stay." He stated without looking at me.

"Yes." I simply said in the same fashion as him.

"Why?"

"How could I not want to stay? Look how happy everybody is." I said gesturing towards everybody talking and laughing, even Cauis had a slight smile.

"That does not answer the question." He said finally turning and placing his intense gaze on my eyes. "Why?"

"How could I just leave when I have found a family? I have a sister, a brother, an uncle, a father." _And you_, I finished in my head, _whatever you are to me._ "I can't leave, it would hurt too much." I said looking back at everybody, knowing that I absolutely had made the right decision.

"Then you are weak." He said, still staring at me when I snapped my focus back on him. I just looked right back at him trying to find what he was saying, what he meant.

When I was about to speak, he simply left with one glance at the group. I stood there completely stunned. After days of nothing, all he tells me is that I am weak. What? What did I miss? What did I do to be on his dislike list? He confuses me to no end, I just….I feel, no…. I want to demand him what his deal is.

Ugh, I can't even think straight.

I can't stand him, and yet I feel so cold without him near me. So empty. Why is that? How could I feel so strongly to someone I hardly knew?

I took in a huge breath and slowly release it. No more thinking so much that is my new goal. Putting on a smile, I made my way back towards the others. One look from my father and I know my smile isn't not working.

"Are you alright, Bella?" He asked concerned. "Here let us go to your room."

I simply nodded my head as he led us towards the hall. Jane followed along without saying anything. I needed to say something before my thoughts were turned back to Alec, but once again that was impossible so of course my question was about him.

"So, are you going to finally tell me what my bond is to Alec?"

"Oh, Bella you know I told you that bond was one you would have to figure out on your own." Father simply said.

"It's okay, Bells I'm sure you two will figure it out sometime." Jane said.

"I knew it, I knew you already knew and by the way some of the others act they know too. That is not fair." I whined.

"Many things are not fair, you should know that." My father said giving me that look that only parents give.

"You're right." I said. "But others shouldn't have to know."

"That's true, but people have big mouths." Jane said skipping to my side. "So what exactly happened with you and my brother?"

"Not now, please." I whispered out, but spoke louder on my next sentence. "But by the way you two acted when we finished talking, I know you guys overheard."

"Yeah, I have no idea what his deal is though." Jane said.

"I could speak with young Alec, if you would like?"

"No, you guys don't need to do anything. I think I can handle it."

By handle it, I meant basically ignore him just as he was to me until recently. But ignoring him didn't really sound to appealing. Maybe, if I got him alone I could get him to tell me what his deal was. Or maybe eventually he'll speak to me of his own accord.

Maybe.

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**Okay, I know short. I guess it was more as a filler.**

**Anywayz, review review review review review review review review review review review review review review review review review review review review review review review review. PLEASE. **

**Ideas and constructive criticism are always golden. : )**


	8. Ch 7 Companionship

**Twilight is not mine, neither is anything Evanescence.**

**YAY!!! I love all of you guys so much. We made it to 100 reviews. YAY!!! Oh, man I'm gonna cry, lol.**

**Without further ado **

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_Seek Not My Heart— Companionship_

The sun was high up into the sky showing the world that the day was way past its waking hours. Well, except for the one's of the world that don't need sleep then the sun simply tells us we cannot go out for at least six more hours. My skin was shining throughout my room and it was really getting hard on concentrating on reading when I was like a disco ball, and my lights danced across the pages.

After hours of trying to read in the morning, I finally gave up and simply left my room. I made my way down the corridors trying to find that small door that I had stumbled upon when I first got here. At the moment, I didn't care that it seemed to be Alec's sanctuary. I just needed a place to go, somewhere to relax. Somewhere that I didn't feel trapped, like my room.

Actually, I simply forgot that I had basically kicked myself out of the ancient room and hoped that Alec wasn't there right now. If he happened to be there then I'll simply tell him I got lost. Then again maybe I need to talk to him; I never was one to be a coward. Okay, scratch that I suppose there are times when I am a coward.

Lately more than ever I have really wished that I could sleep. That I could get a couple hours of unconsciousness. I hate how much I think….no; I hate how much I seem to think about one person. A person I hardly know.

No, maybe hate is a strong word. I just can't stand how he is always, always on my mind.

And the calling me weak thing, what was up with that? If something that makes everyone, including yourself, happy why would you be considered weak for making that decision? I think he just has some major issues, seriously if I thought the first couple of times with Edward's emotional changes would give me whiplash then Alec's were going to cause my head to snap completely off.

But…but maybe he is right about the weak thing. I couldn't handle living alone, being all alone again. I couldn't handle living with the one's that could leave me again, because they would someday realize that I was never worth it—that the first time they left, they should have stayed away. Maybe choosing to stay here was a security need, once you join the guard they can't exactly kick you out. Maybe… maybe I am weak.

The small, rusted door looked exactly the same as it had a week or two ago. Checking my surroundings, I found myself alone in the hall and went noiselessly through the door. Though the sun was shining through the room, everything about it seemed almost melancholy. The shadows seemed to be cast around darker than normal, the ceiling's cracks seemed to try to keep its tears unshed, the puddles around mocked me with my own lonely reflection.

Does seeking companionship really make a person weak?

I had no answer. And I didn't want to answer it myself; I guess I wanted Alec's answer.

I walked around, until I reached the small pond in the far corner. I sat next to it, and just looked through the water almost like it would give me some sort of answer. Just tell me anything.

I don't even know why I just had the urge to begin to sing a song from a long time ago that for some reason never understood then, but I think that I finally do.

_I've been looking in the mirror for so long_

_That I've come to believe my souls on the other side._

_All the little pieces falling shattered._

_Shards of me too sharp to put back together._

_Too small to matter,_

_But big enough to cut me in to so many little pieces if I try to touch her._

_And I bleed. I bleed._

_And I breathe. I breathe no more_

_I take a breath and I try draw from my spirit's well._

_Yet again you refuse to drink like a stubborn child._

_Lie to me; convince me that I've been sick forever._

_And all of this will make sense when I get better._

_But I know the difference between myself and my reflection._

_I just can't help but to wonder which of us do you love._

_So I bleed. I bleed._

_And I breathe._

_I breathe no more._

_Bleed. I bleed._

_And I breathe. I breathe no more._

I feel as if I don't even know myself anymore. I feel… lost. Ever since my eyes landed on him, everything just seemed to change to me, yet nothing has. He makes me feel a way that I never thought possible for anyone. I want to know him, learn about him, but he doesn't want to be around me. I'm almost pathetic when it comes to him. Maybe, he is right.

And there's the question in my thoughts again…Does seeking companionship really make a person weak?

I must of asked aloud because a silkily, smooth voice answered behind me. I knew the voice, of course I knew the voice, but there was the chance of hallucinations like when I was a human. I stood and swirled around in one motion, facing the one person that I was never positive how I felt about seeing.

"I used to think so." He had said earlier, but never moved or said anything after I faced him.

He used to think so…So what did he change his mind like last night? Now I felt silly for thinking so much about something that someone who clearly has no idea what they themselves even know for sure even said. Did he even think before he spoke? Or does he like to make me lose my mind, then say something else that almost gives me a headache.

"What changed your mind?" I asked after a couple of minutes of uncomfortable silence and settling myself down.

"Why are you here?" He asked, ignoring my question completely. His head was tilted slightly to the left side, while his eyes looked at me searchingly.

"How long were you there?" I asked, deciding if he wouldn't answer my question I simply wouldn't answer his.

"You didn't answer my question." He said.

"The same applies for you." I said smugly.

He didn't say anything, he looked to be thinking as he moved forward but stayed as far from me as possible. Finally he looked at me with that searching gaze again, then out the glass wall towards the sinking sun. Instead of sparkles that we usually have, he seemed to cast a glow about him. He truly was ethereal.

"I won't answer your first question. As for the second, I have been here since a little before you had started singing." He said, all the while his eyes never strayed from the horizon.

Had I been human I'm sure my cheeks would be burning about someone hearing me singing. Slowly, my embarrassment left when he showed no sign of poking fun at me.

"Well, I came here because I found it really soothing." I said.

"Did you know I come here?" He asked, turning his head as he asked the question.

"When I found this place, yeah I smelt your scent." I admitted as I plopped myself on the floor.

"Then why are you here, now?"

"I really like this place and I was really, really hoping it was empty."

"You can come here anytime you like, but please and keep it to only you." He said as he also sat on the ground.

"So, why were you being a jerk yesterday?" The question ran out of my mouth before I had time to process it. My hands went feebly in front of me as if to put them back in my mouth. I mean I wanted to ask it, but didn't want him to take it the wrong way.

"I wasn't aware I was being a jerk." He said, confusion marring his face.

"You called me weak." I almost hissed out.

He didn't even say anything, only simply nodded his head. I really felt like strangling him at that moment… ah, too bad we don't need to breathe.

"What would make you call me that?" I asked as calmly as possible, but my tight fists and glare probably gave me away.

"You can't leave anybody, all because you love them." He stated simply. But the way he said love with such disdain, made another question arise that I knew had no chance of being answered.

"So, you could leave everybody and anybody behind? Just like that?" I asked in disbelief.

"If the need arises." He whispered, looking unseeingly through the glass.

I wished I had Edward or even Aro's gift at that moment. That haunted look he had when I first seen him was back in his eyes.

What could have caused that look in his eyes? What happened to him?

I wanted to ask so badly, but didn't want him to leave just yet. He may aggravate me sometimes, but for whatever reason I never felt cold or empty when he was around. And there was still that pull that was always getting stronger almost every day, it almost hurt now. I didn't know how to make it stop. Didn't know if I wanted it to stop. I wonder if he was feeling it too.

Oh, how I wished to know what was going on in his head. But, since I knew I couldn't ask any of those questions knowing he would either ignore them or leave, I decided to ask another.

"So why have you been ignoring me?" That snapped his full attention back on me.

"Ignoring you? What would make you think that?" He asked innocently, too innocently if you ask me.

"Maybe, it's because you haven't spoken to me since that day almost a week ago." I said.

"Have you ever thought maybe I just never had anything to speak to you about?"

"You could have at least said hello." I said stubbornly.

"Well, as you probably have noticed I'm not exactly a social person." He said with a slight smirk.

"Yeah, but how about in the future you tell me when you choose to ignore me again, alright?"

"What would make you think I'll be ignoring you again?" He asked still smirking.

He was messing with me, I knew. Even though I was dead serious about him telling me in the future if he was going to ignore me, I was extremely glad that he was in a better mood.

"I don't know you might just come up with something." I replied shrugging.

"That's true I could." He said with a nod.

"So you'll warn me though, the next time?" I asked, probably with a pleading look.

"I think you'll be able to tell when I choose to stay away." He said softly.

We sat there, opposite sides of the room, lost in our own little thoughts when I decided to break it again.

"Tell me about yourself." I practically demanded.

"Not much to know, I'm sure Jane has told you plenty." He replied in an almost hard tone, his eyes guarded.

"Actually she hasn't told me much, and are you so conceited to actually assume that I would ask about you?" I asked lightly, trying to get him to loosen up.

"No, not conceited." He said shaking his head slowly. "I just happen to know I'm perfect, and you were probably wondering about the perfect man that's related to your best friend." His tone was playful also, but his eyes were still a bit guarded.

I laughed because he was so right about the perfect thing, but he didn't need to know that I actually thought that when I first saw him.

"Perfect." I snorted playfully. "Okay how about I ask you a question and you ask one in return?" I suggested.

"Alright." He said after thinking for a moment.

"What is…your favorite color?" I finally asked. I figured light topics were good.

"Don't have one." He said.

"What? You _have_ to have a favorite color." I said in disbelief.

"Well, I never thought about it before."

"Okay, what color do you find most pleasing to your eyes?"

"At the moment, red." He replied, his eyes boring into mine as if trying to tell me it had another meaning.

"Your turn." I mumbled, looking down at my hands.

"What is your favorite book?" He asked.

"Villette." I replied.

"I don't believe I've read that one. What's it about?" He asked.

"A woman that always kept herself guarded, even with a man she loved through her whole life. Well, when he opens himself up for her she still remains closed and eventually he moves on. She falls for another man and decides to finally listen to her heart and finds that he…" Before I could finish Alec interrupted me.

"Let me guess, he loves her also and they live their happily ever after." He said in a bored tone.

"No, no they never get their happily ever after." I told him, looking up.

"Then why do you like it so much?" He asked.

"Because it teaches us that we have to live are life to the fullest no matter our fears, because we never how long we'll have. Plus, there's way too many happily ever afters, how many times do those happen in real life?" I asked barely above a whisper.

"Never." He breathed. I smiled a slight smile, and then turned to the darkening horizon.

So far as everybody probably already knows my happily ending never happened, and I'm not too sure it will ever happen. Maybe I was never Juliet at all. Maybe I was that barely-mentioned girl Rosaline in the beginning that Romeo was supposedly in love with, but then his eyes landed on Juliet and Rosaline was completely forgotten.

"Have you ever been in love?" I asked.

"No." A pang hit where my heart used to beat, it confused and frightened me. "What happened between you and the Cullen?"

"You know a heart is a fragile thing, and I always thought Edward treated mine with the same caution that he treated me with. But I learned that was all a ruse, while he treated me as if I was porcelain and kept me on a pillow, he kept my heart in a drawer full of sharp inanimate objects." I told him angrily, taking a deep breath I softly said, "He never loved me."

"I suppose I'm not really weak after all." I laughed humorlessly after a moment of awkward silence. Alec never said anything, probably didn't know what to say, but I could feel his gaze on me.

"How's that?" Alec asked.

"According to what you said earlier, I am weak because I can't leave the one's I love. But if that were true I would have remained with the Cullen's, the one's I still love." I said as I looked back at him. It seemed he moved closer when I wasn't looking, but yet not close enough.

"I suppose you are right." He said giving me a smirk.

"So, tell me how you came to be a vampire." That caused his smirk to completely disappear.

"Pass." He said.

"Pass? I answered your question." I pointed out.

"I'll tell you another time, alright? I don't want to get into my human years." Alec said looking away from me, lost in distant memories.

"Was it really that horrible?" I asked.

"In the time we grew up, yes. We were never accepted." He said shaking his head as if it would clear the horrid things that probably happened then.

"No need to get into something that you don't want to." I told him.

"Thanks."

"Any hobbies?"

"I draw; I usually come here when I'm going to." He said. I finally looked that he did in fact have a sketch pad with him.

"Can I see, please?" I asked pleadingly.

"Wasn't it my turn to ask a question?" He asked amused when I pouted.

"You just did." I said victorious.

"No, I have to say that didn't count."

"Ask your question then." I huffed.

"Well, what…" Before he could finish, we heard shouting through the halls that sounded like Jane yelling my name. We listened more intently.

"Bella, where are you? You have guests in the throne room. Bella!"

I was definitely upset that I had to leave Alec, especially now that we finally were talking. I looked at Alec and he didn't look to happy about being interrupted either, that made me almost smile.

Guests? Who in the world would visit me?

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**Okey dokey, that's chapter 7. Are you happy Alec is being approachable now?**

**Oh, I wonder who's visiting Bella, but then again it's probably obvious. Or maybe it's someone completely different then who you think. Hahaha. I don't even know what I'm talking about.**

**Reviews make me write, write, write.**


	9. Ch 8 For Now

**I know this took forever, and I'm sorry for that, but lately my brain just doesn't seem to want to function right. I mean I go down to work but nothing is coming. But I think I'll be fine soon. So I made this one longer, yay.**

**Thank you for all the reviews, favs, and alerts. Especially big thank you to one reader (maddie) that suggested someone shirtless and someone jealous, that actually made the chapter way better.**

**Anywhoz, as always the sparkly vampire tale does not belong to me.**

_Seek Not My Heart— For Now_

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**On the news with Alec**

The fates certainly do loath my very being.

Why did she have to choose to stay? She couldn't have gone back to her Cullen's, or want to live as a nomad. No, she had to want to stay here as a guard member for hundreds, thousands, or more years.

The sad part about it is that most of me was extremely happy that she chose to stay. The rest that I let take over was mad. Mad that she would stay and make me continue to feel whatever it is I feel for her. Mad, more so, at myself for caring.

Weak…weak…._weak_…

I told her she was which I knew wasn't true, it was the only way to hurt her. I'm the weakling, the one that takes the cowardly route every time with her. So my way of making her stay away from me was to hurt her, and I did. And it also hurt me. But distance was good to me.

I was only in my room for two hours, twenty three minutes, and forty six seconds before my sister swooped in.

"Stop being so foolish." She yelled.

I had no idea of what she was speaking of and told her so.

"Of Bella, you keep giving these mixed signals. One minute you're her… I guess friend, then the next your call her things that are positively untrue. She's like a sister to me and I don't want anyone hurting her, especially you." Jane said calmly, and then very lightly said, I think she was saying it to herself, but I heard. "You more than anyone shouldn't even be _able_ to do what you are."

Now I was confused, what could she possibly mean? Why shouldn't I be able to do what I am? Does she know about the pull and the pain?

"What did you mean that I shouldn't be able to do what I am?" I asked her; abruptly she looked like a deer trapped by a set of headlights. "Well?" I asked impatiently.

"It's nothing, really brother it's nothing." She said while shaking her head wildly.

"It does not really seem like nothing, Jane."

"Umm, I just meant since you are my brother you would at least be nice to my best friend." She quickly explained.

"I don't mean to be rude to her." I said looking away.

"Then why do you glare, avoid, or ignore her. It kind of seems that you are intentually being rude."

I thought about what she said and had to admit she was right, I was being rude. "Would it be better if I apologies to her?"

"Only if you won't continue being rude to her. It is either being her friend or just staying away." That was all she left me with before she walked away.

Weren't those always the choices? Speaking or avoiding?

It all would have been better had she just left.

If I chose to avoid and ignore her for the rest of time maybe her very being would disappear from my mind. Maybe the force that pushed me her way would be gone. I doubted that though, since she would still be around and she never disappeared even when she came and gone the first time, neither did the pull.

I knew I wouldn't be able to stay away anyway, I've already tried unsuccessfully. But could I continue letting her take my own control away without even knowing it.

I could talk to her for a time, see how things go. I didn't care to have friends, maybe because I never had any…never knew I wanted any. But she…she was someone I wanted to get to know… for some reason someone I needed to get to know.

The fates certainly do loath my very being.

Maybe, having a companion won't be bad. For once in my life, I hoped.

Hoping for what, I didn't know. Whether we could be companions, whether it ended badly so I could stay away from her? I didn't know.

I wished she would have just left, despite the twist it caused my dead organ from that thought.

For now we would be _friends_, and if I don't believe things are looking good avoidance will have to be the next route. At least this would keep Jane happy for a time being.

Apologies would have to be made first, so leaving my room I began my search for Bella. Not finding her in her room or with anybody else, I made my way towards my sanctum maybe find her later.

She was there gazing through the pond creating invisible patterns across the water, completely oblivious and singing. I felt shattered by her haunting voice and song. Someone like her should never look so broken hearted, so lost.

She finally realized she wasn't alone when I answered her own self question. I didn't exactly apologize; it was just something I ever did. Never have I been wrong, well until she came along.

I made up the excuse as to why I found her weak. If anything she was the strong one, the one who could let people in without fear. I never feared anything, but she makes me.

I fear knowing her; I fear the power she can have. But there is something that I fear that I don't even know what it is; this whole new feeling that makes me feel human. I can't stand it, yet I thrill on it.

Have I ever really felt human? One time, just like all of us, I was alive. Most vampires say their memories of those times are practically nonexistent, but I can remember almost all of the horrific things.

Jane and I grew in a time when anyone and everyone had been our enemies, when a home was a lonely cell but outside was bloody nightmares. Anyone and everyone, anywhere and everywhere we were always treated the same.

Anyway, even the time we were alive, I never felt it. Numb, maybe. Maybe not, I always felt the pain that to me was worse than the transformation.

I was glad Bella took me from my thoughts; times like those should stay where they belong.

She really was something else. She seemed to be a romantic yet a realist, what with her favorite book it seemed that way. I figured girls loved happy endings all the time, once again she proved me wrong. She was right though, when do happy endings ever really happen?

Something in me felt happy that she and Cullen weren't anything anymore. I knew that boy was not her true mate. I moved closer to her without even knowing it really, but I suppose something in me wanted to touch her again especially now she isn't with anyone.

Before I could ask her anything else, Jane was running through the halls yelling that Bella had guests. I was upset that someone interrupted our time, but left her without a word because I shouldn't have felt that.

Turned out the guests were some Cullen's and some wolf. I don't know what it was but I didn't like that wolf anywhere near Bella. Some type of protective urge, yet it also felt like anger and envy. I don't know, but she wasn't his to touch.

_Mine_, the beast in me kept growling territorially.

I don't know, but I decided to ignore it. Not think about it. Or her.

At least for now.

**Back to you Bella**

_You can do this, you can do this, you can do this…It's probably not him; he has no reason to see you…_ The chanting that I created wasn't really helping. If anything I was getting more nervous.

My hands ghosted over the handle of the throne room doors, slightly shaking. The rest of my body still as a statue, I wasn't even breathing. Luckily, I was alone in the corridor that led to this door; everyone was waiting for me on the other side, including my guest or guests.

Everyone left me to myself when I made up the excuse that I needed to change my shoes. For some reason Jane and Felix fell for it, while Alec simply left after hearing his sister calling for me. He didn't even say 'goodbye', not a single word, just simply left and that hurt.

So here I stood just hoping that my visitor, or visitors, was someone that I was ready to see and face. Earlier I had thought seeing Edward would be okay, but at this moment I realized I was far from ready to see him. I may no longer love him like I used to, but the pain of what he did and all of the things he said still caused me pain. It all hurts less every day; especially when I'm around Alec, but I'm not ready for him to put himself back into my life.

_Please don't be Edward, please don't be Edward…_

Taking a deep breath, I released it the same time as I pulled one door open. I continued my chanting as I took a step forward then another, but abruptly stopped when I smelt something terrible. A woodsy pine smell that was way to strong mixed with dirt and…_wet dog_.

Looking up from the marble floors while raising a hand to cover my nose, I looked around for the source of the grotesque scent, really confused as to who or what could smell so badly. But all at once the smell didn't even matter. Nothing else was around as I took in my best friend, Jacob.

Before even I knew what was going on my arms were wrapped around my once upon sun. I felt my mouth widely spreading into a huge smile. His long arms encircled me and lifted me from the ground just like old times. And just like then, he was still shirtless which I would have to question him about since they probably went on an airplane.

"Bells, look at you all red-eyed and creepy looking." Jacob laughed as he spun us around, his old smile spread widely on his face.

"Oh, Jake, I missed you…" Before I could say anything else, a growl ricocheted through the room and startled us from our reunion. I looked around and noted that Alice and Jasper were also here, but I wanted to find who growled first before going to them.

My eyes landed on a very…_jealous_ Alec. I stared at him confused, shocked, and flattered, for a little while before patting, an also confused Jacob, and motioning for him to put me down. Some were looking at Alec like he lost his marbles, while others like Aro, Marcus, Jane, and surprisingly Alice and Jasper just had knowing smiles on their faces. _Great, more people to know something that I don't, _I thought.

Alec looked ready to skewer Jake over a giant bon fire, while rotating him slowly to get him really crispy. Luckily, he didn't seem like he was going to act on the thought. He abruptly looked like he was upset with himself.

I had the urge to go to him, and tell him that Jacob was nothing but a friend. I wanted to hold him while I told him that I only belonged…._to_….._him_. A bigger wave of confusion and shock swept through me at that thought.

There was no way. No way… There was no possible way…

But yet, it all made sense, everything I felt for him from the very beginning of my arrival. The pull, the thoughts of nothing other than him, all the feelings, everything. His touches that set me alight, his words and voice that echo through my mind, his actions that always hurt and all at once make me feel as if I'm soaring. Him simply just being in the same room, even if he won't acknowledge me, makes me content.

I wanted to belong to Alec.

A huge weight was lifted from my mind as I had my epiphany. It all just made sense now. It scared me though, to feel this way with someone so soon; to feel something stronger than I have ever felt with someone I didn't really know.

Abruptly my mind and heart pushed all those thoughts away. I couldn't…no, I wouldn't fall for someone who wouldn't love me back. And Alec couldn't have feelings for me, could he?

I looked at Alec again, but his face went to being cold and emotionless. He wasn't looking at anyone, just staring through the wall. I had no idea what to do though, I wanted to figure out why he would be jealous by Jacob but I also wanted to keep my distance for now.

Only a minute or two passed as I thought and Alice being Alice had to get my attention by leaping at me, almost causing us to fall to the ground.

"Bella, are you glad to see us?" She asked all the while clinging on to my neck, and never giving me the chance to answer. "The big dog wanted to see you and make sure you were okay, sooo I took it upon myself to fix a vacation to Italy as a surprise. So surprise!"

"Yeah, you guess really did surprise me, more so Jake being here than anything. Hey, Jasper it's good to see you." I said as I gave him a hug.

"You know that is somethin' I've been wantin' to do for a long while." He said as we parted. "Now, tell me 'bout this new boy that's fawning over my lil' sister." He whispered flicking his gaze towards Alec.

I lightly punched Jasper on the arm telling him to 'shut up' to which he chuckled.

"So how long do you plan on staying?" I asked looking between them.

"A few days, I still have wolf duties to attend to." Jacob answered looking around the room a bit warily.

"That's great, by the way how'd you get Sam to let you leave?"

"Well, since no leeches have been around, he figured I can leave for a few then get double the patrols. And since some of your bloodsuckers wanted to see you, he figured I'd be alright if I traveled and stuck with them."

"Jake, you didn't have to leave if it meant more work; a phone call would have sufficed." I scolded him. Not even bothered by his nicknames for vampires, but it seemed like others were by all the hissing and growls.

"Same all Bells." He laughed.

"Bella," Alice groaned, "how can you be a Volturi member and still have no fashion sense? Haven't I taught you anything?" She asked shaking her head.

"Alice, just because I'm a vampire doesn't mean I love to shop. Plus I love my clothes, they're comfortable." I mumbled.

"Introductions, dear Bella." Aro spoke reminding us others were around.

I nodded and began, "Well, most of you know Alice Cullen my sister, this is her mate Jasper Hale or Whitlock my brother, and this is my best friend who is a wolf Jacob Black."

"Like the Children of the Moon?" Caius sneered. _Geez, Caius always the charmer._

"Those exist?" I asked.

"Yes, the werewolves change during a full moon. Does that happen with your friend?" Aro asked curiously.

"Umm, no we can transform anytime we want." Jacob answered.

"Nah, these dogs are more like shape shifters." Alice said while patting Jakes arm.

"May I, wolf?" Aro asked as he held his hand up looking excited.

I nodded at Jake when he looked to me. Jake went forward slightly but it seemed Aro couldn't wait and went the rest of the way. His face held fascination as he clutched Jakes hand in his. Once finished he let Jake go and looked like a kid that just got candy.

"Wolves are very interesting, especially with all the magical happenings." Aro said to which Jacob shrugged.

I looked around glad that nobody was going to harm anybody. My gaze landed on a dejected looking Jane who also looked like she wanted to hurt Alice. Once again, I found myself confused.

"Can you introduce the rest of us yet?" Felix whined.

"Okay, well that is my brother Felix, my father Marcus, uncles Aro and Caius, my sister and best friend Jane…" at her name she looked at me with happiness, and it explained the way she was earlier. Of course, she would think now that Alice was here she would be replaced. I would have to talk to her later. "Demetri, Heidi his mate, Chelsea…" on and on I said every body's names until finally "and this is Jane's twin and my friend, Alec."

Friend came out sounding weird since I really had no idea as to what we are. Alec didn't really acknowledge that I had said his name, except to turn his gaze from the wall to my eyes. His eyes never betrayed a hint of what he was thinking or feeling, just emotionless and cold. A constricting pressure tangled around my unbeating heart, but besides placing my arm around my chest I chose to ignore it. Not think about it.

Or him.

At least for now.

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**Again sorry it took forever, but I didn't want to give you guys something half assed.**

**REVIEW PLEASE… : )**


	10. Ch 9 Sing Us a Song

**Thank you for the reviews, alerts, and favorites. Some of you suggested karaoke, and I just thought it was too good to pass up so be ready for some singing.**

**Sparkly vamps not mine, neither are any songs.**

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_Seek Not My Heart— Sing Us a Song_

After all the introductions and the awkward silence that ensued, I couldn't take it anymore and decided to just lead my guests to my room along with Jane. I thought of maybe having Alec come along, but he was still boring a hole through the wall.

Alice bounded right through my doors and went straight for my closet. Jacob got comfortable on my bed, while Jasper browsed my wall of books.

Before Alice could lecture me on clothes to have and not have, I pulled Jane out the door with me and walked until we were out of hearing range.

"Why did it look like you wanted to use your gifts on Alice earlier?"

"It was nothing." She replied not looking at me.

"Jane, you know I practically see you as my sister and I would never leave you." I said, continuing when she finally looked at me. "Them coming here won't change anything. I love them, but I have made my decision and plan to stick with it. So there is no reason for you worry, alright?"

"I know, it's just…" She said, but didn't continue.

"What?"

She didn't answer at first, but looked mad at herself. "I guess I was just jealous, I mean you have known Alice longer and I thought that you might maybe even realize that she's better than me." She mumbled.

"Jane," I started, "I'm never going to think someone is better than you. You are my true sister; no one can take your place. The Cullen's never got me the way everyone here does. Here I feel like I actually belong, I've never felt that way with them."

"Really?" She asked happily.

"Yeah, so don't worry so much. I'm happy to see them, but I'm not leaving."

"I promise to give them a chance then." Jane said, after giving me a quick hug.

"Good, I actually think you will all get along great." I said, as we made our way back to the room.

I barely reached the door before Alice yanked me in and pushed some of my clothes in my face.

"Bella, what are these?" She screeched.

"Um, shirts?"

"Please don't tell me you wear these plain cotton tees."

"They're comfortable." I said clinging them to my chest. Everyone was laughing at what was happening, but I didn't think this was funny at all. Because knowing Alice, she would burn all my clothes and buy me what she thought was acceptable.

"What's comfortable if it doesn't look good?"

"Hey, why don't we do something for fun?" Jane suggested, completely saving me. "It's too sunny to go out, and I think everybody is getting bored."

That seemed to stop Alice from her shopping thoughts, and I released a huge breath of relief.

"You know what would be fun?" Jake asked not lifting his head from the pillow or allowing us to answer. "Cooking something for the big bad wolf."

"Sorry wolfie, no." Alice said.

"Scavenger hunts." Jane suggested.

"Too much work." I said.

"Dress up." Classic Alice suggested.

"No." We all said in unison.

"Pranks." Jasper said, and Jacob nodded like crazy.

"I don't think so." Jane said.

I could hear someone running straight for my room, just before they crashed in. Felix looked around, eyes lingering on Jane but she was totally oblivious as she stared at the floor looking like she would blush if she could.

I had a feeling something was definitely going on there and I really wanted to know what, but figured one would tell me in a matter a time.

"I heard you guys suggesting things and thought I could help." He said.

"And what do you suggest?" I asked.

"That's a great idea!" Alice yelled and started to bounce around my room.

For some reason a sense of foreboding filled me about whatever had Alice and Felix so happy, and I knew this was not going to be fun for me at all.

* * *

The words were floating on the screen, while letters were being highlighted across slowly as the melody and person sang along at the time the words would light up. Laughs were circling all around, as we listened to the out of tune voice of Felix.

While everyone was filled with excitement and amusement, I was feeling only absolute dread. I didn't want to do this, why were we doing this?

Oh yes, because they all thought karaoke would be fun and insisted everyone do it—of course excluding the brothers. And when I say everyone, they really wanted _everyone_.

And I really didn't want to sing in front of everyone.

Maybe I can sneak out without any—

"Bella, you stay where you are or so help me." Alice said in an eerily calm death like tone that had me kind of scared. Then she started skipping up to the make shift stage and I remembered its tiny pixie Alice. I think I can take her.

I am a newborn. I can outrun her in no time and of course I have much more strength. The only thing I have to do is not decided what I'm going to do until last minute.

_Don't think, don't think, no thinking…..Now!_

I jumped over the couch before anyone really noticed. I kept going without looking back, just running. I could hear some people laughing and call after me, Felix singing 'Touch My Body' by Mariah Carey in the background totally oblivious to me making a dash for it. But I didn't care.

Anything to get out of this.

I was closing in on the doors, and at the moment I was really questioning why they kept doors in a place filled with vampires. Especially since these doors only led to the game room. No privacy needed, I mean it's a game room not a bedroom. Plus, why are they closed in the first place?

My fingers were grazing right on the knob when my feet tripped over some object and I began heading straight for the ground at a fast rate. I felt utterly surprised that I was actually tripping since I was just as graceful as any other vampire and haven't had to worry about my famous human clumsiness.

The object turned out to be someone's high heels; in fact they looked like the one's Alice insisted on showing earlier to me.

I didn't move at all once my face planted into the ground. Instead, I laid there in defeat. At least, for awhile I would accept defeat then try something else.

I felt someone pick me up and carry me in my 'all is lost state' then place me back on the couch. I opened my eyes and found out it was Jasper. His hand was placed in mine to keep me in place, I think, since I couldn't feel him pushing any emotions on me. First Bella Barbie as a human, now Bella Prisoner as a vampire.

Geez, can life get anymore wonderful?

"Bella, just for that you're up next." Alice chastised.

_Oh great, looks like I spoke too soon_.

As I looked at the make shift stage the most horrifying thing I, and practically everybody, witnessed was Felix running his hand down his chest still singing. I shuddered from that but did happily see him looking very intently at a goo-goo-eyed Jane. _Yep, there was definitely something happening there._

I looked over at my captor, who looked disgusted and amused by the performance going on. Surely, he doesn't want to do any of this. Jasper has always been one to stay out of the spotlight, just like me. Maybe, I can get him on my side. Doubtful, but I could still hope.

"Jasper, are you going to be singing?" I asked innocently.

"Alice tells me so." He replied, looking like he knew I was up to something.

"Really?" I gasped in faux disbelief. "You never hit me as the type to sing in front of a large group of individuals."

Jasper's brows scrunched in confusion at my display but spoke anyway. "If it makes Alice happy, then I'd do it."

Since he was getting all lovey about Alice, time for a different tactic. Time to stall. "Well, I'll have to see that to believe it." I said, and then yelled out though I didn't need to. "Hey, Alice will Jasper really sing? Because I think if he does I would like to see that first before I take the stage."

Alice looked absolutely ecstatic that I was finally seeing her way in this and that I suggested Jasper to go next. Jasper still looked at me in confusion, since my emotions screamed 'success', but let go of my hand and went to the stage after Alice almost literally kicked Felix off the stage.

Jasper picked his song and started to sing something about riding a cowboy, but I wasn't paying too much attention since I had to figure out a way to get out of this. Jasper singing first was a great way to stall, but now what.

Before I could get any good ideas, Alice took his place and held my arm down while staring dreamily at Jasper. Instead of trying to make a run for it again, I decided to just ask her if I could leave.

"Alice," when I got her attention I continued, "can you let me not participate?"

It was strange, but her eyes seemed to go blank as I asked my question.

"You don't need to participate." She answered with an emotionless voice.

"Umm, alright." I said, shrugging off her weird behavior.

I let go of her hand and as soon as I did, she went right back to her normal behavior but let me go. I was a little dumbfounded as I got up from the couch and made my way towards the doors.

Why did it seem she just went blank and let me leave without a fight?

As I pondered this, Jasper must have finished because soon I heard her asking a person if they would like a go.

"No, I'd rather watch." Alec's voice responded.

I didn't even know he was here. I looked to where his voice came from and sure enough he was leaning against the wall on the far side. He caught my gaze and looked about to join me, when Jacob's shirtless chest completely blocked my view.

"Bella, you have to sing please." He pleaded, even using puppy dog eyes and I couldn't help but laugh.

"Jake, I was actually going to make a break for it." When he continued with those eyes, I huffed a bit in annoyance. "Jake, I hate attention."

"Yeah, but this might be the last time we see each other for a long time." He reasoned and I had to admit, he was right.

"Can't I just do something else later?" I asked still trying to get out.

"No, I wanna see you karaoke."

"Fine, but you owe me."

"Sure, sure." He replied as he pulled me.

He pushed me on the make shift stage and sat on one of the chairs. Everyone was just staring and if I was human I probably would have fainted or at the very least puked.

I quickly turned around to find a song to sing. My mind was a jumbled mess, to many nerves going haywire causing me not to think straight. After a minute or two, I just chose a pretty much random song that I always liked and thought was pretty ironic now.

The melody started to play and I turned to face my audience. My eyes were on the ground, but I lifted them after letting a huge breath out and started to sing.

_There's one way out and one way in  
Back to the beginning  
There's one way back to home again  
To where I feel forgiven_

_What is this I feel, why is it so real_  
_What am I to say_

My eyes found their way automatically to Alec, as if they were searching him the whole time. He was staring right back his gaze seemed to soften as I sang and I couldn't take my eyes away from him, and it looked like neither could he.

_Its only love, its only pain_  
_Its only fear, that run through my veins_  
_Its all the things you can't explain_  
_That make us human_

_I am just an image of something so much greater_  
_I am just a picture frame, I am not the painter_  
_Where do I begin, can I shed this skin_  
_What is this I feel within_

_Its only love, its only pain_  
_Its only fear that runs through my veins_  
_Its all the things you can't explain_  
_That make us human_

As I sang the chorus while looking at Alec, the emotions that I've been trying to keep away seemed to be brought through the surface. All the pain he made me feel when he was away from me, the fear of how strong everything he made me feel was, and the...love, was it really that yet?

I didn't think so, but I could already feel myself falling.

_That make us human_  
_That make us human_

_It's only love, it's only pain_  
_It's only fear that runs through my veins_  
_It's all the things you can't explain_  
_That make us human_

_That make us human_  
_That make us human_  
_Oh that make us human_

When it was over, the applause seemed to be a buzz in the background as I kept my eyes on Alec. Wondering if he felt the same?

He seemed to be conflicted about something. I was just about to make my way to him to do or say what I'm not sure, when I was scooped up by very warm arms and turned away from my view.

I turned my head around as best as I could and only seen a glimpse of Alec's retreating figure.

Jacob placed me on my feet, but I could feel him shaking me to get my attention.

"Bella, are you alright? Bella?"

"Huh, oh yeah I'm fine. Brain must of shut down on me, sorry." I said trying to sound joking, but was still a bit absentminded.

Jacob laughed. "You sounded great; who knew you would be able to sing?"

"Thank you, Jake. Umm, are you going up next?" I asked a bit impatiently.

"Sure am, you better cheer."

"Sure, sure." I replied as I made my way to the doors.

People kept stopping me to compliment me but I was not paying the least attention as I tried to leave.

The halls were completely empty and quiet, the only sounds coming from the room behind me. My body seemed to have a mind of its own as I was led forward seeming to follow the pull in my aching chest.

When I reached the outside of Alec's room, the pain in my chest almost completely disappeared.

I wasn't exactly sure what I was doing here. Talk to him, but what about? Should I knock? That would be the polite thing to do.

As I was about to lift my hand to knock, the door swung open to reveal an upset and confused Alec.

"What are you doing here?" He asked a bit rudely, but I ignored that.

"I actually have no idea why I'm here." I answered honestly. He seemed to be a bit taken aback by my answer, but let me in his room. "So did you like the performances?"

"Only one." He answered closing the door.

"Really who's?" I asked turning to look at him.

"Yours." He said simply. I felt like I could have been blushing and looked down at my hands. "Don't be embarrassed, your voice is very enchanting."

I was absolutely speechless by his compliment and wings fluttered in my stomach and soared straight to my heart by how flattered I was feeling.

I could feel him lifting my chin up so I would have to look at him. He didn't do anything, only looked through my eyes searchingly.

His closeness and the realization of where we were hit me, and my gaze drifted to his lips then back up to his searing red darkening stare. My bottom lip went between my teeth and he followed the movement with his eyes.

It was as if we were in a trance as his hand moved from my chin to my shoulder, grazing along my arm until he reached my waist. He pulled me closer, his arm circling around my back till we were practically chest to chest just hovering over one another.

Alec's face was coming slowly over mine when I tilted my head back to look at him. Our noses touched lightly as we moved towards each other.

Our mouths barely brushed together leaving warmth on my parted lips. He moved his face a bit back just looking at me. My hands came up to tangle through his hair as I tried to bring him more to me.

My eyelids fluttered closed as he brought his lips closer. Our breaths continued to caress, when all of a sudden my named was yelled very loudly in the hall the voice sounding like Jacob.

The trance we were in completely dissipated and we broke apart, leaving several feet between us.

All that was left was the awkwardness of what almost happened.

* * *

**Hahaha. Tell me how you felt about the almost kiss.**

**Thank you guys again for the wonderful idea of karaoke, if you have any more ideas I'll try to put them in.**

**Please review even if it is to say I suck.**

**If I get a lot of reviews I promise I'll update on Wednesday.**


	11. Ch 10 Kiss Wish

**Oh, I forgot to say that the song from the last chapter was called "Human" by Civil Twilight. **

**Geez, I thought this chap was going to be all easy but it turned out to be a ****pain**** in the ass and if it sucks sorry. But I did promise to get this out on Wednesday for you guys and I did, YAY!!**

**Twilight is not mine, you know this and I know this so on to the story…**

* * *

_Seek Not My Heart—Kiss Wish_

I stood there, in Alec's room, not moving from my position at all. The whole situation of what almost happened just had me planted in place. My head and eyes couldn't stop swerving around though, trying to find a way to get out of this.

My head and body were thinking or trying to figure out how to get out of here, disappear. If only I could teleport, that would definitely make things so easy. But that is probably why I don't have that gift, because my life has never been easy.

My heart was telling me to stay and wait, but how could I possibly listen to that when at the moment I just wished there was a pile of random wood and I had a box of matches.

I didn't know what to do. Which really shouldn't surprise me since anything to do with Alec caused me to not know what to do or think or anything. I never even understood what I actually felt towards him. I didn't even know why I came here in the first place.

The tension was reverberating through the air, filling us completely with it. I almost felt like I couldn't breathe.

I felt like I wanted, maybe even needed, to say something but what could I possibly say. My mouth felt dry—though I don't think that happens to vampires— and continued to open then close with a mind of its own.

Jacobs shouting still continued, growing further away but still echoing back to us. I wasn't sure if his interruption was a good thing or not.

This was the third time he stopped something from happening, and if I was being honest I was extremely annoyed at him. It was almost like he had some type of radar that told him something was about to happen between Alec and me.

What would have happened if we actually did kiss?

Right now was definitely awkward and technically nothing even happened, would it have been better if we got it out of the way?

Because right now even through all the tension, I still wanted to know how he tasted. Man, did I feel like slapping my forehead.

Alec was probably handling this much better than I, or maybe worse I couldn't tell. While I looked like a shaking gaping fish, he was standing still as a statue with his head back raised to the ceiling, eyes shut tightly, and hands clenched.

If anything, his whole posture made my own start to stay completely still.

I wished I had Edward's gift, just to catch a glimpse in his very confusing mind. By his posture it couldn't be good though.

What if…what if he is thinking that what he was about to do was a mistake? That us even becoming friends was a mistake.

Do I really care? I don't even know why I bother with that question, because obviously I care. For us. For him.

I am hopeless.

And he is still just standing there.

And Jacob is still yelling farther away now.

I really just wanted to run out his room and sing crappy songs, just to escape this. But I couldn't because he was standing almost in front of the door and I didn't know how to pass him without having to be close to him.

And thoughts about being near him at the moment keep appearing in my head and I can't trust my body at the moment. I just really wanted to kiss him.

I wished that he would just do or say something, anything. But minutes pass and I realized he was just too deep in thought and I will have to be the one to say or do something to leave this place.

"It umm…sounds like a…uhh puppy probably had an... accident." I tried to joke with a shaky forced laugh.

I took a semi steady step forward, one after the other walking slower than a regular human pace, trying to get to the door all the while staring at the ground.

Though we had no warmth, I could feel heat emanating from Alec's body as I passed. He didn't stop me or say a word, just stayed completely still. And I was slightly disappointed.

I hastily opened the door to leave, following the sound of Jake's constant yelling. He ended up not being too far and sensed my approach immediately.

I huge gust of shaky air leaves my body when I begin to not feel so rigid. But my mind is still wondering what Alec is thinking at the moment.

"Bells, where'd you go? You didn't hear me sing." He said a bit miffed.

"I needed to talk to someone, don't worry about it." I said. "Sorry for missing it, did you do good?"

"Good? I did great. Those vamps were all jealous."

"Sure, sure. How about we go back to the group?" I suggested.

At his nod, we turned back for the direction of the game room. My body stiffened slightly when we passed Alec's door, but relaxed once we were a good distance away.

My thoughts were completely focused on other things, so of course I jumped when I felt a hot hand on my shoulder. "You keep acting funny. What's up, Bells?"

"Nothing." I muttered.

"It obviously isn't nothing."

"I'm just confused is all, don't worry about it."

"Will you stop saying that?!" Jacob yelled throwing his arms in the air at the same time. "You're my best friend of course I'm going to worry."

"I'm sorry, okay? I just…I dunno what's wrong with me anymore." I huffed in frustration.

Jake took a hold of my shoulders and stared at me, and then he all of a sudden got a knowing and amused look.

"It's a boy." He simply said.

"Jake, I'm not pregnant." I deadpanned.

"What?" He asked in disbelief, then shook his head and added. "No, I meant you're acting weird because of a boy."

"He is not just a boy." I replied crossing my arms.

"Who is he? Is it that guy that growled at me yesterday?" He asked amusement sparkling in his eyes.

"Maybe." I mumbled, avoiding eye contact.

"Geez, Bells always falling for the bloodsuckers." He laughed, while I looked at him like he lost his mind.

"Jacob, you do realize I too am a bloodsucker?" I questioned.

"Nah, you're just Bells." He said. "But seriously tell me about him. What's the problem?"

"I don't know what to say." I replied honestly.

"Well, just let it all flow out." He said as he started walking again.

"I actually don't know." I sighed frustrated then spoke louder because I was frustrated, "He is always so vague about practically everything, and it makes me incredibly confused. Then he makes me mad because I think too much about him, almost all the time…And he causes me pain when he's not near, that I don't even think he realizes and… and now… now I think everything is going to be awkward between us, and I really don't want that because we were just starting to get along."

"Wow, okay." Jacob said with a knowing look.

"Why do you look like that?" I asked suspiciously.

"Nothing, just some of the things you said were…interesting." _What the heck is that suppose to mean?_

We were getting closer to the game room and ended the discussion topic. People were still singing and dancing around, but I didn't join in. Instead my mind wandered straight for how I was going to face Alec.

And what the heck was with everybody and knowing looks? Also, what did Jacob exactly find interesting?

* * *

Everyone began dispersing after a couple of more grueling hours of karaoke. Luckily for me nobody tried bothering me to either talk or sing.

Jacob looked like he was about to pass out soon and I wondered when was the last time he actually slept. _Looks like my bed is going to finally be used_, I mused._ And my room is going to smell._

I had to basically drag him down the halls to my room and throw him on my unused bed. Alice and Jasper didn't even offer to help.

"So I forgot to ask, where are the rest of the family?" I asked after we settled around.

"They had to go to Denali." Jasper answered. His eyes seemed a bit guarded and I had a feeling they were not going to tell me if I started asking a bunch of question, but I could still try.

"Why?"

"Edward is acting up, you know how he is if he can't have his way." Alice said seeming nonchantly, but she wasn't going to go into details.

I nodded though, completely understanding. "But why did they all have to go?"

"Well, Emmett wanted to come but he couldn't leave without Rose."

"Ah yes, good ol' Rosalie." I muttered. "So what would you guys like to do once the wolfie wakes?"

"Shopping." Alice predictably screeched. "Tomorrow the weather is supposed to be all clouds and slight rain."

Oh great.

**Next day (or hours later, basically when Jacob finally wakes up)**

I remained trapped in my room with a snoring dog and a hyper pixie for hours upon hours, which let me tell you it is not an ideal time. The three finally left me alone when Jacob woke up. If it was up to me I would have ran away a long time ago, but since I am a chicken I did not want to go in the halls and see Alec.

I kept wondering if he would ignore me for good now, or if not ignore me then what would he say to me. Having him ignoring me was definitely worrying me the most though.

Really, I shouldn't be freaking out so much; he was the one to make the move I was just there to… I still don't know why I was there. But he should be the one to come to me or something.

Alice had invited a few more people to our shopping excursion, because she had the belief that shopping makes everybody's heart flutter, even if it can't for us. And it kind of seemed most of the girls also shared the belief; the guys were just tagging, or just being dragged, along.

I was one hundred percent confident that Alec would not be going with us since he just never hit me as a social or a shopper person, so of course I thought I would have nothing to worry about when I made my way to the garage to join everybody around the cars.

And oh boy was I wrong.

I didn't make it too far into the garage when I seen him leaning against a car far from the others.

I just completely halted, possibly stunned. I really couldn't even tell what I was feeling, way too many emotions jumbling around. Racketing throughout my entire body.

Finally my emotions seemed to stop at being a nervous wreck and stuck there.

I wasn't sure if I was suppose to go up and speak to him, though I wanted to, but I remember earlier thinking he should come to me.

But if I completely ignore him, what would he think?

Gaining a bit of courage I decide to just go with the flow. So my feet began to carry me forward and Jane was the first to notice me.

"Are you alright?" She asked concerned.

"Peachy." I replied. "Are we leaving now?"

"Yeah, we already decided who is driving with whom while we waited for you."

"So, who am I going with?" It was probably a stupid question.

"Alec volunteered to take you." She said with a huge smile.

At that answer, my insides were a mixture of flutters and flopping, it made me feel slightly sick and lightheaded. "Oh, okay. So how long is this drive?"

"About two or so hours." I nodded. "Well, we're leaving now so you go on to my brother."

She gave me a quick hug and bounded to Felix's car. I turned around and headed to what felt like my death, well second death.

Alec was still leaning casually against his car, but now his piercing eyes were staring at me. As I got closer to his car he moved to the passenger door and opened it for me, I would have blushed if I could.

I slid in and he was in the car once my seatbelt clicked in place. The cars were zooming out of the garage, one right after the other. Of course they were all expensive, fast, and shiny.

Alec probably had the only car that wasn't a bright color, in fact his was black. A completely black Ferrari, which also had a nice purr coming from the engine.

The air was still and thick around us. I couldn't help to let my mind drift to the moment that caused this. His lips only lightly brushed mine but I was still able to feel that currant of electric warmth that slipped through my body. If that was good, how would it feel to have my lips pressed much tighter to his?

He was rigid in his seat, clutching the stirring wheel, while I was fidgety. It felt as if there were prickles all along my skin as the seconds passed slowly along. The flutters and flops still engulfed my stomach, and it was almost as if I could hear it going on.

The purr seemed to turn into an aggressive growl that was truly frightening. Soon rain sprinkled, bouncing noisily on the car and entire area. Electricity that fused through the air spoke of the extreme tension in the small car.

And just as I was finally about to snap, he spoke.

"I'm sorry."

"For what?" I asked confused, eyes completely on the road.

"I apologize for trying to kiss you; it was not something I could control." I could feel his stare on me as he spoke.

"Why would you be sorry for that? I don't think I was complaining about it then or now." I said. _And I was never going to complain if he wanted to try again._

"Still, I shouldn't have done that. We were just becoming…friends, and then I had to do that."

"You shouldn't have to apologize for something we were both about to do." I said, from my peripheral I could see him nod.

Another silence reigned over us, but it wasn't as noisy as before.

"What did you mean you couldn't control it?" I asked quietly, finally chancing a glance at him.

He looked thoughtful as he spoke, "I actually have no idea what it was."

"Oh."

"Did you really want to, before we were interrupted?" He asked eyes on the road.

"Yes." I whispered.

He didn't say anything but he wasn't rigid, only looked to be pondering. The car ride was mostly silent except for the light noises of the engine and nature.

From the way he was really deep in thought about what I answered, I began to think that maybe hopefully he was thinking about trying again. Uninterrupted.

This is either going to be the best shopping trip or just another nightmare through a mall. Either way I wish he would kiss me.

* * *

**Like I said at the top this chappie was a pain in the ass, so sorry if it sucks.**

**Please REVIEW!!! PLEASE PLEASE. Don't make me use the puppy dog eyes.**


	12. Ch 11 Tease MeLeave Me

**You guys are just awesome with all the reviews and alerts. I love them all, and thank those that leave ideas for me to think about.**

**Twilight does not belong to me, I know this and you know this sooooo on to the story…**

* * *

_Seek Not My Heart-- Tease Me/Leave Me_

The car ride was filled in complete utter silence, both of us lost in our own little worlds. There really was no longer any tension, besides me wanting to touch him. But who can blame me when the only thing between us was the armrest.

I tried the whole time to keep my eyes either straight ahead or out my window, but it was pretty difficult to not try steal glances his way. I just couldn't stop the memory of our almost kiss, and the way his eyes were filled with so many emotions that were incomprehensible and scary yet made me feel so wanted.

I wanted to fill the silence, but I guess I was a bit embarrassed that I admitted that I did in fact want to kiss him. It really didn't help that after I answered that question he didn't speak a word after.

It almost made me look forward to shopping with Alice, just to be out of this car. The only good thing about it was since I could no longer blush he wouldn't know I was embarrassed. Or if he did I believe Alec would never mention it.

We were the last to pull into a parking space, while everyone else was waiting and talking around the parking lot. Humans passed by both walking slow and staring mesmerized or practically ran while taking quick glances, fear radiating off all of their forms.

Alec parked and turned off the ignition while unbuckling his self, he never took a single glance in my direction as he made his way out of the car. For a moment I thought he was just going to ignore me and I felt utter disappointment, but surprisingly he came around the front and opened my door.

A quiet 'thank you' left my lips to which he nodded absentmindly. I wanted to question him on what he was so intently thinking about but before another word could come out Alice grabbed my arm, seeming to appear out of nowhere, pulling me rather roughly towards the mall.

"I am about to get you enough clothes to at least last a century." She told me as we zoomed past everyone in a fast human pace, Jasper a stride behind us.

When we got in the store she pushed me into a chair by the fitting rooms and flitted off towards a clothes rack pulling out various things. I was glad that she wasn't having me follow behind her when she was like this.

Some others of my family came in the store and simply looked around calmly, completely opposite to Alice's rampage.

Her arms were filled with clothes when she came to me, wordlessly throwing them into my arms. I got up from the chair and headed to the fitting rooms next to me, already knowing the routine I went through every time Alice took me shopping in the past.

At least now I had vampire speed to go through try on various clothes, that was definitely one thing I would not miss about being human; the speed. It only took me three minutes to try on everything whereas it would have taken me almost an hour before.

The majority of the things Alice picked were actually things I could see myself wearing, but there was some that definitely had me questioning her sanity. But I knew I would just have to grin and bear it because she was going to force me to get everything.

She was already standing, well bouncing, in front of the door and took all the clothes and skipped to the register with Jasper beside her. As she went to pay, I sat back down on the chair from earlier because I knew she wasn't finished with this store yet.

I had my head resting on the wall while I concentrated on how many dots there were on the ceiling. I was so in to my task that I didn't even notice someone come up beside me until they spoke.

"Having fun, are we?"

I practically jumped from my seat before finding it was just Jasper. "Oh yeah, the ceiling is really interesting." I answered as I relaxed back into the seat and looked back at the ceiling.

"Alice is letting you go free." He said.

"So I no longer need to stick around for clothes?" I asked excited, turning to face him.

"Yeah, go find yourself a bookstore." He said, and then his eyes twinkled mischievously. "You could even find that Alec guy to have fun with."

"Jasper." I practically yelled, to embarrass to care.

He shrugged. "I was only saying."

"I'll see you guys later then." I said before rushing out of there.

It was sprinkling lightly as soon as I was through the mall doors. The cool fresh scent of mist wafted through my nose and I welcomed it. I felt free, though I didn't even know that I was feeling so claustrophobic before.

Malls used to do that to me when I was human, I guess that feeling is still able to happen even as a vampire. Not exactly sure if that is a good or bad thing.

Humans passed by, entering the mall staring since they thought I wasn't looking. I ignored them, just enjoying the scent and feel of light rain.

I decided to sit on a bench nearby remembering that standing still was not normal. I was only sitting for maybe ten minutes when a boy probably two or three years older than me sat beside me. A little to close beside me.

"It's a little cold out here; would you like to be warmed up in my car?" He asked in what I suppose was supposed to be a husky sexy tone.

"No thank you." I said politely, hoping he would go away.

His hand was moving towards my knee, and just before I was going to stop it another person's hand snapped out and stopped the human's destination.

We both looked up to see who the hand belonged to and I was pleasantly surprised to find it was Alec. And by the look on his face he was not happy.

I guess the boy wasn't dumb, because he bolted up at Alec's look of rage and mumbled some apology before dashing towards a group of other men.

"Hello." I greeted slowly, not exactly sure how to deal with this angry Alec.

"Why would you let him touch you?" He growled sounding jealous. I was feeling absolutely overjoyed and confused that he sounded that way.

"I was actually about to stop him when you popped out of nowhere." I said with a bright smile.

He was silent for a moment, the anger ebbing away from his face, before speaking. "Why are you sitting out here in the first place?"

"I hate shopping." I simply stated.

He sat beside me silently keeping a gap between us, causing a sigh of disappointment to pass my lips.

He looked at me questioningly but I simply shook my head. "So what are you doing out here Alec?"

"I hate malls." He said, but I could tell he wasn't telling the truth.

"So what made you mad earlier?" I asked.

"Nothing." He mumbled, clenching his hands into tight fists.

"Really?"

"Leave it." He snapped.

A tense silence filled the air between us and I was ready to just go inside the mall and find myself a book store when Alec finally spoke.

"I am sorry," He said, "I should not have snapped."

"It's alright. I shouldn't have asked." I said looking at him through my eyelashes.

He seemed to have relaxed a bit and looked at me; one of his hands moved to my chin and brought my face up more then he dropped his hand.

"Did you get some clothes?" He asked, trying to make small talk.

"Yeah, Alice made me try some on then let me leave. She could probably tell that I was extremely bored, or Jasper told her." I told him.

"I'm surprised they just let you go, especially that dog." He said, sneering on 'dog.'

I chuckled. "Yeah, me too. They always seem to right around the corner."

"Did you see where Jane was?" He asked.

"I think I saw her with Felix." I replied with a huge smile, thinking about her with Felix.

I was definitely glad for Jane. I still wasn't sure if she and Felix were an item or anything but if he was keeping her happy then he could keep his limbs. Oh, yeah I needed to remember to threaten him sometime. I laughed outright at that thought.

Alec looked at me like I lost it with his head tilted slightly in a very adorable way. I simply quieted down and shook my head, clearing my thoughts.

"I was just thinking I still need to threaten Felix." I said.

"Threaten?" He asked in disbelief with his eyebrows raised high and eyes wide.

"Well, I have to make sure Jane doesn't get hurt." I told him in a matter of fact tone.

"I'll have to help you with that." He said.

I laughed lightly imagining Felix's face at the two of us threatening him and soon Alec joined in, probably thinking the same thing.

We quieted down and drifted off in our own thoughts in a very comfortable silence.

"What do you do to me?" He asked abruptly, looking conflicted.

"Huh?" I asked dumbly, really confused about his mood change and question. _Was he alright?_

He stared hard at me, searchingly, but soon he gave up and sighed. "Nothing, obviously you don't have a clue."

There it was again. Confusion. Every time it came to Alec it was almost like his job to make me thoroughly flabbergasted in our talks.

The light rain started slowing down then completely stopped. I pulled on a lock of my now wet hair simply playing with it, kind of ignoring Alec.

_What do you do to me?_ His question replayed in my mind. What was he feeling? Did he feel the same towards me? What is it he does to me?

His hand against my cheek startled me from my unanswered thoughts. I looked at him questioningly, but he didn't speak as he brought his face close to mine.

I was planted in place by my shock as his lips brushed mine lightly. My eyelids fluttered closed and a heat filled my lips when he pressed our mouths against each other.

My hands tangled through his hair as I brought myself closer. I rush of fiery burn flooded through my entire body when we deepened the kiss.

Emotions for Alec that simply bubbled under the surface unleashed themselves now and I finally realized what they were.

I granted him access when his tongue swept my bottom lip, our tongues danced for the lead to which I gave to him.

He pulled us apart rather quickly, but there seemed to be some reluctance. My eyes stayed closed a little after we broke apart. I suppose I was just in a daze, his sweet taste still lingering in my mouth.

I opened my eyes slowly and found him staring intensely back at me. This probably would have been slightly awkward if I wasn't so out of it.

He didn't say anything as he swept some of my hair behind my ear, lingering his fingers by my temples. I never got a chance to speak before he just left.

I sat alone on a bench, soaking wet, and with a heart that felt like he just took a large portion with him.

And I couldn't feel mad at him or hate him, I could only feel pain and sadness as he walked away, because the emotions from earlier that I finally realized rung throughout me and shouted in my mind.

I was in love with Alec.

It felt like a giant weight had been lifted now that I finally realized and admitted it to myself.

But the hole in my chest still burned from him leaving me, and I wasn't too sure if finding out my true feelings were a good thing. Especially to find out I love someone that would not love me back, someone that just hurts me…

Before I could any deeper into any thoughts, Alice pranced in front of me and glided gracefully on the bench. Jasper strolled by and just stood in front of us, carrying a ton of shopping bags. Neither saying a word, but the way Alice was looking at me had me realizing that she knew what was happening.

"Why do I always fall for the one's that will end up hurting me?" I sighed.

"Bella," Alice started while grabbing my hands, "remember when we spoke on the phone? What did I tell you to keep hope in?"

Shifting through my memories, I remember what she said cryptically then. "In love."

"You will find your soul mate, even if you have to go through pain. Just never give up that hope, and you'll survive."

"How are you so sure, Alice? The future always changes." I argued.

"Yes, that's true, but some things are set in stone. I don't know how you are going to get there, except for some slight fuzzy pictures occasionally but I do know the ending." She said with a slight smile.

"So you have seen my mate?" I asked.

"Well, yeah." She said in a 'duh' manner. "Bella, you'll get your happy ending you're too good of a person not to."

"So Bella I never knew you could suck face." Jasper said.

"You…you guys were here?" I asked in embarrassed.

"No need to be embarrassed, darlin' Alice had a vision and pulled me here in time to see you and Alec finish up and him leavin'." Jasper said with a shrug.

"That is just great." I muttered. "Why did you have to come out here?"

"Because if we didn't you would be sitting out here all depressed by thinking too much, so I had to make you feel better." Alice said.

"Thanks." I said. "Do you guys have any idea what is up with Alec?"

"Nope, he seems alright with me maybe a bit broody but not as bad as Edward." She said honestly.

"His emotions are quite simple and pretty strong, but he seems to be confused by them." Jasper said, smirking knowingly.

I looked at him to continue, but he simply answered. "I ain't tellin' what he was feelin', silly Bella."

"Fine, don't say anything." I huffed.

My thoughts went back to the kiss and I couldn't help wondering what had gotten into him to do that. If he kissed me because he liked me, I am pretty sure he wouldn't have just left.

But isn't that what he always does? Doesn't he always just leave without saying a word? Why would this time be any different?

I didn't know; I just wished he would have stayed even if we didn't speak.

At this point I wasn't sure which one I wanted more, for us to go back to before the almost kiss happened or for us to just kiss again.

_Probably kiss again._

I almost feel like hitting him, he makes my life so damn difficult one punch would probably make me feel better. _Or worse_, my mind sighed.

Why does he do this to me?

This is definitely worse than the whole fiasco that took place between Edward and I before we started dating. How am I supposed to handle this when I could barely get through that madness?

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**Well, there you go the first kiss. What do you think; will things be easier or just worse between their relationship? And what is up with Alec, why do you think he does what he does?**

**Tell me in a review : )**


	13. Ch 12 Please, Help Chase Me Away

**This would have come out sooner, but life is beginning to get a bit hectic what with finals and moving. But don't worry I won't let that stop me from writing : )**

**Thank you guys so much for all of the reviews, favs, and alerts.**

**I say this every time…Twilight is not mine.**

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_Seek Not My Heart— Please, Help Chase Me Away_

**Alec's thoughtful thoughts**** (After Bella left his room)**

My door clicked closed when she fled, leaving me alone with disbelief heavily circling around my stiff figure.

The trance that wrapped around me dissipated as soon as that mongrel's voice entered my ears. I should not feel like ripping him apart, but that is exactly what I wanted to get done the moment his arms were around Bella in the throne room.

The disruptions the mutt seemed to cause between us was only making my anger towards him increase, and that should not be. I should not be angered at him for interrupting, nor should I be _jealous_ of the fact that Bella had went in search of him when he called out for her.

What had I almost done, what would cause me to want to kiss her?

Something in her enchanting song drew me in to the point that I needed to hold her, take away whatever pain was encased in her voice. But I couldn't…no, I wouldn't. But she came to my room and everything in me was pushing me to hold her, kiss her. And I couldn't stop it.

My life was slowly spiraling out of my once tight control. Little by little what I have always tried to be, everything that I kept firmly locked even before my death, were slipping away.

And for what? Some girl I hardly knew.

Things were becoming unfathomable and inexcusable to me. This was not who I was.

I was never one to feel, even as a human I don't recall ever feeling much but the pain. Always the pain. The only way to rid of it was to teach myself to close off everything. To not hear what was said, not see what was done, not to feel anything—inside or out. And that all worked for me. Even when I was transformed into an immortal.

But she…she was causing things I was not sure I wanted to happen. Emotions that tasted wonderfully new yet had a bitter aftertaste to my unsure mind.

I could try to fight against it… against her.

But something in me didn't want to fight. Something was telling me it was too late, that some part of me was already connected to her.

My mind could not stop its rampage on my thinning sanity. I wanted to stop the way all my thoughts circled around her, only her. I absolutely hated everything at the moment.

I missed my once apathetic nature.

A part of my self will cease to exist. I would be lying if I said it only infuriated and terrified me, but the fact is some place in me is rejoicing the changes that she shall cause. Of the things that I now feel.

I feared everything that was happening. I didn't want whatever was happening to continue, yet somewhere deep down I knew I needed it. Somehow I needed her.

Is it that when the wind blows by, her very presence is on it? That her voice sings throughout my mind? That her eyes stare back in every object around me?

I did not know, nor understood, what it was about her but for some unknown reason… I needed her, in a way that I was not able to understand at all.

With that thought I decided to join the others in their little outing, which I am sure they would all find unusual for me since I have never done those things before. I suppose I would be considered anti-social, but it was not like I did not enjoy the company it was more that I was not used to it.

As I made my way through the garage, I headed straight towards my car. I gazed quickly around the place, but found she wasn't there.

Before I could start feeling too disappointed my sister rushed to my side, looking happier than I have ever seen her look before.

"Hello brother, what are you doing here?" Jane asked suspiciously.

"Only joining the fun, sister." I replied gesturing my hand at the crowd.

"Really? You have not done such a thing before." She did have me there, and I knew she knew it by her large smile.

"It is of no consequence of why I am here." I said rather forcefully.

"If you say so." She said. "Do you know what happened to Bella earlier? She was fine then left and when she came back she seemed thoroughly lost in her thoughts."

"No." I said. "But I will be driving her to the mall."

Was Bella thinking of what almost happened in my room? I wonder what she did think of that.

When Jane was about to say something else, Felix called for her. Jane told me a quick farewell and bounded towards him rather quickly.

_Whatever was occurring between those two had better not end with my sister hurt in any way at all, or Felix would be died,_ I thought to myself as I watched Jane laugh freely at something Felix had said.

The person I came for arrived into the garage glancing around slowly. Once her gaze fell on me she seemed extremely shocked and nervous. I am sure she would have been red had she still been human.

After she spoke with my sister, she made her way towards me looking a little distressed. I was confused as to why she would be that way to riding along with me, especially since earlier she seemed really comfortable in my room.

The car ride had a strange silence and Bella could not stop her ridiculous fidgeting. I wanted to place my hands a top hers to stop it, but could not bring myself to.

An errant thought had me questioning maybe it was inappropriate of me to have tried to kiss her in the first place. That she might not have wanted to and she now had no idea to act around me.

_Maybe she would stay away._

In the beginning that would have been ideal, was not that what I had wanted in the first place? Now though… now when I finally came to the strange conclusion that I needed her, there was absolutely no way I would be able to have her away from me for any long period of time.

Apologizing was a first for me but I supposed needed to be done. Apparently she didn't think it was but still accepted my apology.

I had to ask her if she had wanted me to kiss her. I suppose I wanted to know if she felt some of the things that I do. When she answered 'yes,' I began to contemplate whether I should try again.

Could wanting something of her romantically be bad? Everything in me said no. But would not that mean that she felt somewhat the same?

Having her feel the same was not what I would want. At least not fully. My dead heart seemed to warm at the thought of her sharing these emotions with me, but my mind could not stand it.

Terrified to have that happen, I would not allow her to feel for me as I feel for her. She deserves better, so much better than me.

What was it that I was feeling for her? Would it all be so much easier if I knew?

However strong this connection was, I would not allow it to take total control of me. I could not allow her to keep having some power over me.

That all seemed to go out the window when I seen her sitting alone on a bench with a light pour of rain sprinkling on her skin, soaking through the fabric that now clung to her body. She looked like a water goddess basking in her creation with a glow seeping from her form.

I could not walk away, instead I went towards her. A growl was rumbling in my chest when a boy dared to lay a hand on her. He was smart enough to leave, but that did not stop the anger that was already bubbling to disappear. It only seemed to grow and brought envy with it when I recalled that Bella never even stopped that boy.

Talking in general has never been my forte but I needed the little bit of distraction from taking out my anger on her.

She was a vision in the rain and I could not refrain from wanting to feel her, taste her. It was all consuming, this need. And she had said she wanted me to kiss her and I could not help myself to try again.

Her lips were soft, luscious and full of unexplainable warmth. Warmth that spurred new stirrings in my body; new emotions seemed to explode like a found burst of light at the end of a tunnel.

The texture and taste of another were completely foreign to me. This was all so new yet I had the desperate urge for more, and that reason alone had me pulling myself away from her.

It was difficult to leave from her; somehow I just became even more tied to her then before. This was not what I had wanted for either of us.

I never wanted to change, but I realized I have. My very own being, beliefs, and even my diet are no longer what they once were.

It was all so preposterous, yet somehow I wanted the change that I once thought others stupid for having.

What is it I am supposed to do?

What do I do?

I do not believe I will be able to fully stay away, but I am scared for whatever it is happening to us to continue and possibly grow.

Why must I feel these things that never existed to me before? How was it not possible to hate her anymore? What was it I want from her?

_What is it I am supposed to do?_

How does one know the answer to something that they have no clue as to what is going on? Simply put the person does not.

If I had never searched her out all those weeks ago, if I had never spoken to her then maybe we would not be here. I would not be here.

But I did speak to her, all because I had wanted and needed her company, just as I still continue to. I could not rid of her for that I was certain, but I was terrified to allow this to go on.

As much as I hated the idea, I realized I desperately needed to speak to someone and the only person that I could truly trust was my sister.

Jane could probably sense, through our small link, that I was having difficulties with something extreme because I found her leaning against a store building all alone. And she proved I was right when she spoke.

"I knew you would look for me." She said. "Are you well, brother? I could feel that something has been bothering you lately."

"Things are not how they once were with me. I am sure you can tell." I said.

"I believe it is in a positive way." She replied. "You are actually doing things now."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, brother that you never used to do anything except stay in your room alone probably just drawing all the time, and thinking of who knows what and seeming bored all the time." She answered sadly, then before continuing a small smile hovered on her lips. "In fact, I believe you started changing a little when human Bella walked in our lives the first time."

"I don't know what it is with her." I sighed. "I once thought that I hated her, but yet even then other emotions were there. And they were not in any way in a negative light, I know that much; I just do not know what it all is."

Speaking out loud about it was just as complicated as thinking about anything to do with Bella. I just hope that Jane at least knew what I was talking about and had answers.

"So you don't know what you are feeling?"

"No." I answered. "Whatever this is, I do not think I would want it for her. I have been trying to stay away and I believe I just made it that much more difficult earlier. I want to stay away, but I need to stay with her.

I will though… I will stay away because I cannot deal with whatever this is. I will only end up hurting her somehow in the future."

"You are in love with her, Alec." She practically shouted. "Don't continue to run like some coward. Don't do this to her or yourself. You two belong together."

Love. Is that what it was all along? I would have to say so by the way everything just seemed clearer and the weight I didn't know I was wearing lifted off my person.

So I love her; never in my life would I believe myself capable of that emotion— or others for that matter.

There had to be no way that she would feel love towards someone like me. I would not allow her too.

"We cannot belong to one another," I said "she belongs to someone greater than I."

"Alec, the truth is there is no one that is more of a perfect match for her than you, no matter how much, or long, you deny it."

"What would you know of that?" I asked, I suppose it was suppose to be rhetorical but she answered it in a completely different way than I had meant.

"Marcus knows." A simple answer yet that one master's name meant everything in what she was trying to tell me.

But what she wanted to tell…what she would think I needed to know…

Was something I could not accept.

And the simple truth was I was too much of a coward to accept.

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**Geez, Alec is a tough cookie to write. He just never wants to help me out; sometimes he won't shut up then other times he doesn't want to talk. So confusing. Hahahahaha.**

**Again I am sorry this was so late, but you know how it is with finals and of course I have to start packing to move.**

**Don't worry though, next chapter is practically finished. **

**All I need is for people to review. **


	14. Ch 13 Madness

**Thank you all so much for the reviews, alerts and favorites.**

**Just to warn you; not much is going on in this chapter. More of a filler, I suppose.**

**As I say every time Twilight is not my property.**

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_Seek Not My Heart— Madness_

**BPOV **

Madness, madness, madness, madness…

My life seemed to be filled with it. Or at least my love life was one big show of madness.

Being a human and falling in love with a vegetarian vampire then realizing my true feelings to a wolf that is designed to hate vampires at the same time I agree to marry my vegan vamp. Then all of that is tossed out the window when a crazy all- out- for- revenge- human -eating vampire ends up turning me, and my fiancé doesn't want me anymore.

When I arrive to Volterra the last thing I would have suspected is somehow becoming attached to a reserved, confusing, gorgeous man that sometimes does not want anything to do with me; then other times actually stalks me.

Yet after all that trouble, and even the things that are still going on, I don't believe I would trade it at all—even if it would have just been way easier if I fell for any human male.

The new thing is that Alice mentioned something about knowing who my soul mate was. How long would it be until I run into them? Would they be someone in Volterra? Would I be able to handle a new love interest?

At this point in time I don't think I would want to know anything having to do with soul mates.

I can't think of anyone besides Alec in my future. Though he pains me, I don't think it is intentionally. And something in me had a feeling that if it was intentionally I would still love him just the same.

Maybe I'm messed up. But I don't care, this… this connection I have to him is just too difficult to not still love him all the same even when my chest feels as if it were continually being stabbed by Freddy Krueger claws then having salt and alcohol be thrown in the raw wounds.

Instead of riding with Alec back to the palace I hitched a ride with Alice, Jasper, and Jacob. I just didn't believe that I would be able to face him at the moment. If he would have stayed or said something, maybe I wouldn't be feeling hurt and rejection…but he did and…and I do.

"I'm sorry, Jacob but I seriously need to put all the windows down." Alice said as she continued to zoom in and out of cars while all the windows slide down.

"Yeah, like being stuck with three reeking vamps is pleasant. You're doing us both a favor." He quipped.

"At least we have a sweet smell, you guys smell like oversized wet dogs." She replied in kind.

"Okay, we all get we smell bad to the other. The joke is kind of getting old." I nearly shouted, feigning annoyance.

"I agree." Jasper said, chuckling a little at my acting but covering it with an unconvincing cough.

Alice and Jacob were pouting as if they were children whom we stole chocolate from and ate it in front of them.

"I never said you had to stop messing with one another, I just meant come up with better material." I said.

"Good, cause it's kind of hard to not make fun of this shortie." Jake laughed while ruffling Alice's hair.

"Bella, could you get him for me?" She asked as she continued driving the car and glaring at Jake through her rearview mirror.

"Oh, Bella I forgot to mention that we are going to have to leave tomorrow morning." Alice said.

"What? Why?"

"Jasper and I are also visiting some of his extended family since it has been a couple of years since the last time we saw them."

"Oh. So I guess that means you're leaving too, huh Jake?" I asked sadly, but tried to summon a small smile.

"Yeah, but don't worry we'll see each other again before you even notice I left." He said trying to make me feel better.

"I guess you're right." I replied a bit disheartened.

"Webcam." Alice shouted. We all just looked at her as if she lost her mind.

Alice answered while rolling her eyes as she looked at us, "We can all chat using a webcam."

"Great idea, Tinkerbelle." Jacob boomed.

"Don't make me tear off your ears, doggy." Alice glared at the nickname.

More teasing ensued throughout the rest of the ride, mostly consisting of Alice and Jacob making fun of one another.

The thought of them leaving had me a bit out of it, but I knew I shouldn't be feeling too sad about it because I had made my decision to stay as a guard member. And like Jake said this hopefully would not be the last we would see of each other.

When we arrived in the garage the boys immediately went to get the bags out of the trunk, Alice of course just flitted away without even offering to help. I quickly snatched two bags before they had a chance of saying anything and ran to my room.

I wasn't in my room for more than five minutes when a knock echoed through the room. Opening the door, Felix stood there with a huge grin plastered on his face and before I could even greet him I was thrown over his shoulder and carried down the halls. After stupidly flailing for a couple of minutes, I finally gave up.

"Where are we going?" I mumbled against his back, my voice coming out a bit shaky from the skip he was putting in his steps causing my head to constantly hit against him.

It was definitely annoying.

He laughed. "I forgot to tell you. Aro has requested you to the throne room."

"Do you know why?" I asked. "Am I in trouble for something?"

"I don't think so, but I then again I have no idea why he wants to talk to you. So you might be in trouble." He replied with a quick over-exaggerated shrug which made me bounce a bit in the air and causing my gut to crush against his shoulder.

Which hurt but he didn't even seemed fazed when a painful groan escaped my lips. I was so glad that the doors were right in front of us because I think Felix would continue to unintentionally abuse me.

The three kings were sitting in their thrones faces full of boredom until noticing our approach. Felix bowed his head and tossed me to the floor. Luckily I was already thinking ahead and ended up landing like a cat instead of falling on my face.

Felix laughed while everyone shot him glares, and before anyone could say or do anything Felix zoomed straight out the doors. I rolled my eyes before turning my full attention to my father and uncles.

"Ah Bella, I do hope you enjoyed your little shopping excursion." Aro said with a grin that he seems to always have.

"Kind of." I muttered, my mind drifting to Alec again.

"Well as to why you are here," He said probably sensing that I wouldn't want to answer anything mall related at this point, "Your training for the guard will be starting tomorrow. I was going to chose as to who would be teaching you, but my brothers thought it better for it to be your decision."

"Oh," I said dumbly, "I didn't even think about being trained."

"Well, we did not tell you that you would have to be." Caius stated.

"Think about who you would like as an instructor, and tell us tomorrow at midday." Dad said with a slight smile.

"Alright." I responded with a small nod. "Was there anything else you guys needed?"

"No, all else is well for now, Bella." Aro replied.

"Oh, umm… before I leave I was wondering if it would be all right if I could drop off Alice, Jasper, and Jake at the airport."

"Of course, my dear." Aro said.

"Bring Jane along with you." Dad basically commanded, but I didn't mind he was just being protective.

"Thank you."

I spent the rest of the day with my old family just, I suppose, savoring their presence. I even allowed Alice to dress and doll me up. Jasper and I spoke of some literature until Jacob was bored and begged us to play video games.

The trip to the airport was sadly too short. There were of course many promises of visits and the use of webcams to look forward to, but like any normal person I was trying my hardest not to get misty eyed when they finally had to leave for their flight.

Jane was a bit too silent then usual but didn't seem to want to talk about why, and so I left her to her thoughts.

By the time we got back to the castle it was almost time for my training. Of course the first person that I had thought of to do my training was Alec, but then I remembered what happened. Then there was Jane or Felix and I believe either would be a good choice but I don't know, maybe they would like to spend time together instead.

Plus I think I need to get to know some of the others of the guard, but then there is the question of whom.

**Alice POV**

Leaving Bella behind was pretty tough, but she had made her decision to stay here and I knew she would be extremely happy later on. I wish that I was able to tell her of the things that I have seen, but that would have changed my visions. And not in a good way.

I waited impatiently for the plane to finally lift off the ground. I really hated not being able to control these airplanes. If it were up to me we all would have been soaring extremely fast to our destination. Maybe already be right there by now.

But no. We are stuck on an ugly colored polyester seated plane that still has not taken flight.

I couldn't help bouncing in the seat after only five minutes of nothing. I couldn't help planning another shopping trip in our next visit. At least Charlotte could keep up with me in a mall.

Jasper placed his hand on one of mine slightly pushing calm into me. As the plane lifted off the ground, my impatience began to escalate which had Jasper throw a lot more relaxing vibes at me.

Some stewardess with terrible yellow sneakers stopped to the side of Jacob, shamelessly trying to gain his attentions. I tried not to laugh at the look on his face when she rubbed her hand across his arm.

I guess even dogs have taste.

The ugly green chair in front of me started to blur slowly, until it all just disappeared and was replaced with a very confusing and just plain upsetting vision.

_Edward enters through mechanical sliding doors and walks arrogantly up to some desk with an overeager young girl behind it. _

_Looking around the vision I figure out the place is an airport. Seattle airport to be exact. This confuses me almost as much as the fact as to why he is in an airport. _

_Why is Edward not in Alaska with everybody else? Weren't they supposed to watch him? To keep him there?_

_After 'dazzling'—as Bella calls it— the poor girl, she hands him a ticket. Taking a closer look at the ticket, I easily find the when and the where he is trying to get to._

_When I find out the place, I am almost livid. The only thing in my mind is…_

_Why?_

Slowly my vision began to come back to the plane, and I could feel Jasper trying to help me keep my emotions in check.

Why is he going there? What could he possibly want? If only I saw this before we stepped foot on this plane, we could all at least be there. Now what are we supposed to do?

I was going to rip him apart the next time he was in front of me if he did anything to destroy the future I have seen.

"Alice, what did you see?" Jasper asked concerned. Jacob was glancing at us curiously and patiently, obviously wanting to know what I had seen. Both were probably going to be pretty mad.

"We need to call the family." I said hurriedly. "Edward is going to Volterra."

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**Yeah, it is short…but I wanted to give you guys something, plus like I said it's more of a filler. Next chapter will be longer and have a lot going on.**

**So tell me what you think or if you got ideas you would like in the story by pushing that button at the bottom of this. It would be appreciated.**

**Constructive criticism -that includes telling me I suck, but explaining why- is always golden.**


	15. Ch 14 Unexpected

**Hello my lovely crickets, I thank you all so much for all the reviews, alerts, and favorites to this story. **

**I changed the rating to M because I am becoming paranoid for future chaps. I still have not chosen to write lemons, that one is for you guys to decide.**

**I would like a beta for this story and probably future stories I do, they must be okay with rated M. Any volunteers? (PM or review)**

**Sparkly vamps are not mine.**

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_Seek Not My Heart— Unexpected_

**Bella POV**

"Have you decided on who you would like to train you, Bella?" Dad asked.

They were all looking at me expectantly, in a way as if they knew exactly who I was going to ask for. It was strange that they always seemed to have that knowing expression when it came to some things. But what was it that they knew?

It only really took me about an hour to finally come to a decent choice. Though I still don't know why everything in me agreed to him, I decided to just go with it.

"Yes, I was actually thinking Demetri could do it." I said with certainty, though I really had no clue about anything that was Demetri.

The three kings all had equally surprised expressions on their faces, it was actually pretty comical. But I was to confused and curious to laugh. It made me wonder who exactly they thought I was going to pick.

"Of course, of course." Aro said quickly, recovering first. "You should go to him now and tell him the news."

"Uh, yeah." I said, not understanding why they were so stunned.

I walked straight towards the doors, not even glancing back in my confusion. As the door was closing behind me, the three began speaking amongst each other probably thinking I was far gone.

"Did she really just decide on Demetri?" I heard my father ask.

"That was unexpected." I heard Caius mutter.

"Perhaps something has happened." Aro said. "I thought for sure she would have…" But the door closed before I could hear what Aro was going to say.

What was he going to say? Obviously with the way they were so shocked by my choice they expected me to choose a certain person, but whom?

I felt stupid for not knowing the answer to that last question. But yet no matter how hard I tried to figure out who they could have been thinking about, nothing seemed to be clicking.

It was definitely one of those moments when you feel the need to hit yourself across the head. I know I should know who they were going to start speaking about. I had the feeling that the puzzle pieces were scattered in a way that they were not scrambled around, that the picture was already there and that all I needed to do was move them closer to connect.

I really should have eavesdropped better. And why did the room need to be soundproof? I don't recall it being that way when I was human, why did they change it?

Maybe I was just over thinking everything. It probably wasn't all that important on whom they were about to speak about. Or maybe I just wanted to fool myself into thinking none of the things happening were important.

By the time I finally come to the conclusion to just let it go and forget I found myself standing in front of Demetri's room.

Before I could even knock, it hit me that maybe I should have chosen someone else or at the very least spoke to him. Because maybe Demetri would not like to have to teach me to fight. Perhaps he has way more important things to do then teaching me how to throw a punch, because let's face it even being a vampire I don't like violent actions.

How ridiculous I am? I kill animals daily but yet I can't even bring myself to throw a pillow at another vampire or a human. Pathetic.

And now I am bringing Demetri into my simply pathetic life.

Yes, I do believe he will definitely not be enjoying spending time with me.

Somewhere I found of bit of courage to make me actually knock on his door. The surprise look on his face was not a surprise to me. _I really should have spoken to him before I chose him._

"Bella…what, ah can I do for you?" He asked casually.

"Actually…well you see, I needed someone to train me to fight and I chose you." I said in a rush, all the while staring at the marble tiled floor.

"Really now?" He asked with a smile in his voice. "You chose me. Now why would you do that?"

"You seemed like you would be the best candidate."

"Hmm, is that the only reason?" He asked with a lilt.

Was he…_flirting_ with me? Didn't he have Heidi? What is going on?

"No, no that was the only reason." I said rather quickly.

In my vision of the floor I could see his steps move closer to me until we were only less than a foot apart. His hand darted towards my chin, lifting my eyes to look at him.

He had an attractive grin in place and moved his face closer. In my confusion of this whole situation I couldn't move. Was he going to kiss me? What do I do? I…we don't even know each other.

"Was that the only reason?" He asked again in a whisper allowing his breath to caress my face.

His eyes darkening slowly as his face moved slightly nearer until our noses almost touched. I bit my lip and seen his eyes dart there, gaining an even darker look.

His tongue darted out to lick his lips and almost brushed against my skin. I wanted to push him away but for some unfathomable reason his eyes held me in place.

If I had a heart it would be thumping rapidly against my chest, and fire would be across my cheeks. Even now being a vampire with a whole lot of space in my mind, I felt it all just shut down.

This was definitely unexpected.

"Y-yes." I stuttered breathily.

All of a sudden he was back in his doorway like when he first answered it. Looking extremely smug as he spoke and shut the door.

"We'll see."

I…I was a fumbled mess as I stood in the hall not knowing what just transpired. The only thing in my mind that was a constant was the question of _what the hell was that_.

My mouth was definitely agape and my eyes could probably be out of their sockets, I knew that much. He just…

Did he just…

Did I…

Just what the hell was that?

Robotically I moved through the corridors going in the direction of my room. Shock was still filling my whole being, even as I plopped down on my bed.

The whole scene rewound and played out from when I answered his first question to when I did his last.

I was completely flabbergasted.

After replaying it on the thirty-fourth time another question made itself known.

_So was that a yes to the training?_

After what happened though, I am not even sure I still want him as a teacher. I mean is that how he is going to be through the whole process of training.

I fell back against the bed and closed my eyes wishing I could sleep. An image of Alec fluttered against my eyelids, making me feel guilty.

This was just ridiculous; I mean it wasn't as if we were together. He never really showed that he even wanted us to be together. I should not feel guilty about something that I was not even initiating, or for something that did not happen.

I bet Demetri was just messing around with me, just trying to get me flustered. I was absolutely positive that having him as my teacher was not a good choice.

* * *

Only three hours into learning how to fight and I would have to say that I was wrong and Demetri was an excellent teacher, well except for when he starts to speak in innuendos.

For example, the first time I finally got him pinned down between my legs with my hands holding his arms above his head. He struggled for a bit but gave up when it was obvious he was completely trapped.

That sly grin took place on his lips and I knew I was in trouble. "You know Bella; I have always enjoyed a woman on top." He practically purred. "But I think for our first time it would look better with you under me."

Let's just say I threw myself off faster than Alice charging to a shopping mall. So after that I decided not to pin him down in any way at all. I was seriously out of my element.

Defense became my main strategy, mostly because any time he caught me he had to open his mouth and say something inappropriate.

Was he always like this? I don't recall him being such a flirt or pervert.

Throughout all the innuendos and touching I actually was learning some really good defense and a bit of offense to keep him and future attackers away.

When he wasn't making comments or trying to put us in not-at-all-good positions, Demetri was actually really fun. He seemed smart, funny, honest, and of course he was attractive; the best part was that he wasn't at all complicated.

He was different.

I guess I should have been paying more attention because the next second Demetri was hovering over me, bracing my arms down to my sides with my legs spread on either side of him. I didn't even struggle, instead thinking of where exactly I should kick him.

His ruby eyes were glowing with a victory that he truly did not gain yet, and I tried to keep the smug smirk from my face of knowing I was going to get out soon.

"Aren't you going to reward me?" He asked, feigned innocence making him look adorable while he moved closer to me.

Before I could speak or show him that he hadn't actually won, another person had joined us in the room.

"Everyone is needed in the throne room." Jane announced with her head tilted to the side in curiosity and confusion, as she stared at what was happening before her.

When he looked over at Jane, I quickly brought both my legs up and made contact with Demetri's stomach pushing him roughly off of me and into a wall. I ran out quickly, pulling Jane with me trying to get away from him as fast as possible.

"Bella, what exactly was I interrupting?" She asked hesitantly.

"Demetri is teaching me how to fight, but it seems he keeps trying to teach other things as well." I said, shuddering. "Jane, I really don't think I can handle him anymore and this is only the first day."

"Maybe you should speak to him." She advised. "It is strange though I don't believe I have ever seen Demetri be so… teasing?" I snorted at that, he was definitely way more than teasing. "Maybe he really likes you, Bella."

"I thought he and Heidi were a thing." I said, trying to find anything to deny that he would like me more than a friend.

"No, no they are just best friends in fact Heidi's mate is Santiago."

"Really? I guess I really need to pay more attention to the others." I said. "Now tell me what to do with the Demetri problem."

"Do you like him?" She asked, not looking at me.

"Not like that." I said. "Though he is definitely different, we really only just met."

"You can see yourself liking him more though, can't you?" She asked with a smile that didn't seem to reach her eyes.

"I don't know, Jane." I said. "All I know is that I do love someone that can't love me."

"Oh Bella…"

"Come on before everyone gets impatient." I interrupted running faster ahead, almost crashing through the doors.

I didn't get a chance to say hello to anyone as my eyes automatically focused on someone that did not belong here. Someone that broke me way too many times.

"Edward." A whisper on my lips but still very much heard.

What was he doing here? He didn't want me. I wasn't good enough. Why was he here?

His eyes, darker than usual, were filled with guilt and remorse. Why?

"Bella."

No matter what he would say to me, no matter if he would want me back…I wouldn't, I couldn't do that to myself. He has had his chances multiple times, and lied through every single one.

Though there was still a part, not big but still known, that wanted to forgive and forget with Edward… I knew it would be the dumbest decision that I would have made.

This was where I belonged. These people were my family. I now have a new, probably disappointing, love. But still…

This was where I belonged.

"What…what are you doing here?" I asked thoroughly confused and still a bit in shock.

"I came to bring you back home." He said looking pained, but I could not trust him.

"Edward," I paused, forcing myself to shake off any lingering feelings that arose to his name. "I am home.

"No, these people are monsters. Their eyes can tell you that, love."

"Love? Edward you left me…again. How can you call me that? And nobody here is a monster." I said.

"Now Bella, surely you don't want to be here." He said as if I were a child.

"Like I said, this place is my home."

"Bella, this was only a visit, I believe you have overstayed your welcome." He said more forcefully in anger, all illusions of his previous pain completely vanishing and becoming the person I had encountered rarely.

"Edward, she is not overstaying in fact Bella is now part of our wonderful guard." Aro said with a forced smile, though you could see how angry he really was through his eyes. "She is family."

Hearing Aro's voice actually startled me, I guess in my shock of Edward being here I completely forgot we had a very large audience all around us. Taking a long look around it seemed everybody was accounted for.

Directly behind me was Alec, who was looking passed me towards Edward with eyes filled with immense rage. I wished I knew what he was thinking.

Everybody seemed to be upset towards Edward being here, but I could not get over the fact that Alec looked the most angered. Why though, I didn't know.

"Bella, you have to leave with me." Edward said gaining that pained look again.

I couldn't tell if it was an act, but even if it wasn't I was not going to fall for the same traps again.

"No, I don't have to go anywhere. You left me, Edward."

Anger flashed quickly across his features, before it went back to the pained expression. "Bella, what I said was a mistake. I still love you, I have always loved you. Only you will, and ever be my life. I thought that you would hate me for what you had become, so I was trying to let you go. I was showing you that you did not need to be with me if you did not want too."

Two separate growls were going off the moment Edward said he still loved me. I was surprised to find that it was all Alec and Demetri who could not seem to stay silent. In fact they looked ready to beat the pulp out of Edward.

I couldn't understand it at all in that moment. None of the things Edward said made sense, and the growling wasn't helping the situation out at all. And I just couldn't think straight.

For the first time in my life what I wanted and what I needed were in sync. Leaving with Edward was not something that I neither wanted nor needed. In fact if anything I was becoming extremely pissed off at him.

How could he come here and speak poorly of my family, tell me what to do, treat me as a child, then try to use my heart? Was he always this manipulative?

I was starting to realize just how blind I had been. Blind and stupid.

"So what Edward? You break up with me in fear that I would leave you for something that I had wanted for nearly two years now." I yelled, my eyes getting blurry with unshedable tears of frustration.

"Love, you could not have known that this was something you had truly wanted." There he was again treating me as a child.

"Yes, yes I did. I wanted whatever it took to stay with you, forever." I yelled exasperated.

"Bella, you could not want him still?" Demetri asked.

I ignored him and spoke to Edward. "I saved your life once, why can't you let me have mine."

The blurriness of my eyes grew as I finally allowed my own self to let go. Whatever part that he had held was finally making its way back to me.

"Bella, I…" His expressions were going wild. Obviously that was not what he wanted to hear. Did he really believe that I would run back to him?

"I need you to go back to the family. At the moment they cannot stand me and their thoughts are always filled with you. They blame me for you leaving when I tried to explain to them that I allowed you to stay." He seethed. "They are stupid to want you back."

_Finally, the real Edward comes out, _I thought.

"You need to leave, boy." Alec growled.

"It seems my family is not the only ones that are stupid." Edward said.

"Do not disrespect those higher than you." Caius hissed.

"Edward, you need to leave now. I will not be going with you." I said feigning calmness.

"Yes, you will."

Through my anger something was coming out. I was still me, but a new part was starting to break through. It was a strange feeling but I was curious to see what was exactly happening.

My eyes closed for a second and my breath stopped shortly, something pushed forward in that second. I felt different when my eyes snapped open, a new confidence seeped throughout my system.

Nobody seemed to have noticed my moment since they were yelling at Edward, but he ignored them. I was in front of him quickly and my hand placed itself on his cheek.

He stiffened but I ignored it as almost a new voice came from me. As I spoke Edward became blank, his eyes emotionless. "Edward, you will leave and never come near me again. Whatever this control thing you have with me will end."

"Yes, Bella." His voice was as empty as his eyes.

I let my hand fall and stayed in place feeling normal again. He seemed to come back to his senses, but quickly fled from the palace without another word.

What just took place felt familiar, I knew I did something like that not too long ago. I think it was with Alice when she was forcing me to do something that I didn't want to. I believe I did what I had just done to Edward, I did to Alice.

But what was it?

"Whoa, what did you just do?" Demetri asked pulling me to him. At the moment I didn't care, but by Alec's furious growl it seemed he did.

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**Ahhh, the story is definitely becoming something big. Now we got Demetri in the mix, and Bella actually stands up for herself and gets closure and has a new power.**

**Like I said at top I ****need a beta**** for probably this story and maybe some future stuff I write, any volunteers just review or PM me :) Must be cool with rated M. I have never had a beta before but I dunno maybe I could use one, plus I am making a one-shot for the Darkella contest and need one for that :)**

**Please REVIEW.**


	16. Ch 15 Open Door part 1

**This chapter would have came out sooner but my little brother graduated from high school this week, so yeah :)**

**Much appreciated to those that volunteered to beta, and those who reviewed, favorited, and alerted. **

**Huge applauds for my new beta xxtaylorlovesyouuxx, who is just so great.**

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_Seek Not My Heart— Open Door part 1_

The ferocious sound continued to vibrate and release powerfully through Alec's lips. His fists were clenched tightly to his sides, almost as if he was trying to restrain himself from lunging. Black fire glowed from his eyes as he stared at Demetri's arms that were still around me.

I knew it was probably the worst time, but I couldn't help how my thoughts drifted to how breathtaking he was at that moment. Maybe it was the fact that he actually had emotions etched all over his face or that he seemed to hate the fact that Demetri had his hands on me; but whatever it was he was gorgeous in all his seething glory.

"Alec, calm yourself." Aro ordered, but was completely ignored. He didn't let that get to him, however, and sighed. "All of you should leave, we must speak to Bella."

Everyone began to file out, but neither Alec nor Demetri moved from their places. It looked like they were challenging each other. It looked kind of ridiculous.

The kings seemed to be enjoying the show, even though they commanded everyone but me to leave. I suppose they wanted to see if a fight was going to happen.

After a minute passed I decided that this was becoming old in a hurry and did something I had wanted to do for awhile now. As the glares kept continuing, I rose my leg up slightly and quickly smashed my foot into Demetri's left foot. It was pretty comical the way his eyes got wide and his mouth opened widely in a giant 'o' before his screaming started.

His body quickly moved away from mine, with his hands grabbing his foot. A smile of satisfaction slipped on my lips as I watched the display with crossed arms. Chuckles and a hoot of laughter were coming from behind me.

"What the hell was that for?" Demetri shouted while bouncing up and down with his foot cradled in his hands.

"I felt like it." I shrugged and turned to walk closer to the thrones.

My smile grew when I saw that Alec was staring at me with a smile of his own. Though when his eyes would flicker towards Demetri's still hopping form, I could tell he was still very angry.

The smile I had quickly turned into a frown when the memory of the kiss and how he just walked away popped to the forefront of my mind. It still hurt, and just having him in front of me made it all the more painful. I wanted to be angry at him, to yell at him, to just display everything that he made me feel. But I couldn't.

I wanted to do anything to just stay as at least something in his life, even if it is just a friend. But even desperately wanting those things, I had to stay away just for awhile. I needed to sort things out with myself before ever trying to win him over.

I needed to not worry about having a love life; Edward showing up made me realize that I needed to really think things through. Realizing that there was nothing that made me feel for Edward at all anymore, and not being able to feel bad about it was kind of liberating, but knowing that it has only been less than a month since he dumped me, and seeing him and not feeling an ounce of love for him, I knew that it all had to do with Alec. And I knew that what I felt towards Alec happened way to fast.

And wasn't that what had happened with Edward. I don't think I even knew his favorite color when we started dating; actually, I don't think I know his favorite color even now.

How twisted is it that I was going to marry someone that I really had no idea about?

Wasn't this the way things were going with Alec? I knew very few things about him and yet I claim to have feelings of love for him. I didn't want Alec to become the next Edward.

"Alright, you two leave." Aro said.

This time they did actually listen to Aro and went out the doors in silence, sharing glares with one another.

I couldn't understand why Demetri was acting that way. Was Jane right in assuming that he had more than friendly feelings? I seriously hoped not, I don't think I would be able to handle another Jake.

Sighing roughly in frustration, I turned my full attention towards Aro, waiting for him to speak about whatever he needed.

"It seems you have gained a new admirer, Bella." He said smiling hugely. "So I take it training is going well."

"Please don't remind me." I begged.

My father and Caius were chuckling slightly at the pleading look that may have been on my face. It was great to know that my family loved my suffering; I'll have to remember that for birthdays and Christmas.

"You can probably guess what we are about to talk about." Aro said.

I sighed. "About the way I got rid of Edward."

"Bingo."

"I really don't know; maybe it was a dud." I said hopefully. "Maybe I scared him off without anything."

"I highly doubt that, Bella." Caius said. "Nice try."

"Is it not something you want to learn how to use?" My father asked.

"Not exactly." I said. "I don't want some ability that lets me be able to control someone. I don't want to take away someone's free will."

"Fine," Aro huffed like a child, "but at least learn how to control it. There might be a time when it will be needed."

"That's reasonable, I guess." I said.

"Perhaps you could get someone to help you see if you are able to extend your shield." He said innocently, too innocently; especially when a mischievous gleam lit his eyes. He looked behind his back at Caius, and then my father, and they, too, got the same gleam in their own eyes as well.

I stared at them suspiciously. "Who's 'someone?'"

"Alec." Caius answered and all three had Cheshire grins sprouting evilly on their lips.

_They knew, they knew, they knew…_

But to what extent? Did they know my feelings for him? Or did they just want to play matchmaker and it was a coincidence that I had feelings for him? Or was it kind of both?

Wait… obviously they had wanted me to pick Alec yesterday instead of Demetri, they seemed expectant of it. So that meant they know of, at least, my feelings and perhaps are trying to play matchmaker.

Oh how I wish I could tell them that Alec was not going to go for it. That Alec didn't like me in the least. That I highly doubt he was ever going to even talk to me anymore. That I hate how mixed signaled he was.

"Sure, sure." I said quickly, waiting to be able to run.

"Now that that is all settled, I thought I should tell you that Heidi went 'fishing' and will be back early tomorrow." Aro said lightly.

"Alright, well I suppose I'll be going out then." I said, trying to not think about the fact that there were people arriving to the Grim Reapers. "I am going to go now."

"Goodbye Bella and have a pleasant night." Aro said.

My father and Caius both said a farewell still sporting goofy smiles.

"See you later, guys." I said waving over my head as I made my way to the doors.

I opened the door quickly and would have run out if there wasn't someone leaning on the wall that had me pause. After a bit of shock wore off I slid through the opening of the door and closed it slowly while taking a deep calming breath.

"Hi." I greeted in more of a question and sadly, I just had to wave awkwardly. "What are you doing here?"

"Would you like to go for a walk?" He asked, seeming almost hesitant; which was definitely a first.

"What?" I blanched.

"A walk." He said slowly. "Go for a walk."

"I am going for a walk." I pointed out, not knowing exactly what I should do, so chose to go with being a smart-ass.

"Take a walk with me then." He said persistently.

"Why?"

He was thoughtful before answering. "I just thought it would be nice."

"Alec, I don't get you. I've been thinking you didn't like me, I mean, before at the mall and then you left. I mean, I don't know but that kind of…"

"Take a walk with me." Alec interrupted almost commanding, obviously getting tired of my babbling.

"Alright, fine." I nodded, giving up due to my curiosity winning out.

I let him led the way to wherever he wanted to take me. It didn't make sense that he would want to, all of a sudden, take a walk or speak to me. Unless, perhaps, there was a catch.

I knew… I just knew that he was going to tell me that he didn't like me. Maybe even point out that he knew some of my feelings for him and couldn't reciprocate. When I look near tears, he'll tell me how sad I am to have even had a bit of hope that he could feel the same. Maybe choose to embarrass me by telling everyone or perhaps pity me and not say anything to anyone, pretend nothing happened between us.

I would like to have a small part of me tell me I was completely and utterly wrong, but sadly every part of me was whispering _"Yeah, you're probably right. Better luck next time."_

I continued to follow behind Alec, not paying any attention; feeling more dejected as every silent second passed. Obviously he didn't even notice and that just had me feeling even worse.

The unlocking sound of a door had me snapping my full attention to our surroundings. Alec stood in front of a door, one I had never seen before. It was huge at least ten feet tall, wooden with beautiful intricate designs of all types of flowers that seemed to be tied to each other loosely by multiple vines that made several bows. All of it was outlined with thin lines of gold, making the art stand out more.

Alec unlocked the door and twisted the overly huge door knob and glanced back at me briefly before opening it up all the way, allowing me the first look through the other side.

I couldn't stop from gasping at what was in front of me. Flowers, trees, brilliant green grass were everywhere. All different kinds of flowers and trees decorated the giant landscape of what I was guessing must be like the castle's backyard.

I took slow steps forward, using the broken stones that decorated the grass as my pathway. The sun shined brightly making my skin glitter through the large garden as if the plants were covered in diamonds.

"What do you think?" Alec asked from behind me.

"It's…it's so beautiful." I said breathlessly, not turning around. "Has this always been here?"

"Yes," He answered. "Most of the guard doesn't even know that it exists. Very few come here at all."

"Why? This place is perfect." I said facing him.

He shrugged. "I don't really know. I believe it to be perfect as well."

I smiled and turned to walk towards some of the flowers. I couldn't help humming softly and skipping around as I went around smelling and glancing at each one. I would glance at Alec every couple of seconds, noticing that he just followed slowly behind me just watching me. I felt self-conscious every time I looked back, but also slightly flattered and confused.

As I stopped to smell some more flowers, Alec came up to my side and plucked one carefully. He twirled it between his fingers silently for awhile before finally turning to me and without warning he brushed my hair behind my ear and placed the flower gently behind it.

I stood stunned; I felt like swooning but knew that probably would not go well. He smirked at the shocked expression on my face. I lifted my hand, semi-shakily tracing the flower with one finger, and as I outlined it a soft smile grew on my lips.

"It's called an Anemone." He told me. "Supposedly, the Greeks believed that Anemones sprang from Aphrodite's tears as she mourned Adonis' death."

"So are you into Greek mythology?" I asked, interested in finding out anything about him.

"Not really, I was just bored one day and read a book." He answered simply.

"Thank you for showing me this place." I practically whispered.

"You're welcome."

I smile before racing under the cover of a huge tree and plopping myself down to just enjoy the whole scenery before me. Alec followed my example after a second and sat only a foot away too far.

Taking a deep breath, I asked the question I had wanted to know for awhile now. "Alec, what happened at the mall?"

He tensed, but eased up a bit as he seemed to search for an answer. "Bella." He breathed. "Isabella, you are enchanting. Does that answer your question?"

"No, not at all." I said staring at my lap, feeling as if I could blush.

"It does to me." He said.

"I suppose it might answer one thing about what took place, but it doesn't answer why you just left." I said peeking at him through my eyelashes.

"It does to me, Bella." He repeated, cupping my cheek and forcing my gaze to fully meet his own.

His eyes seemed to hold so much confliction that I never saw there before. The seemingly endless pools of harsh fiery orange crashed into my very soul, and I knew that I couldn't let my emotions wash through me completely. Not yet at least, I needed to do all of this slowly.

I turned my face back to the sight of the garden, causing his hand to slip away from my cheek.

"Why didn't you go with Cullen?" He asked quietly.

"Because I don't love him."

We were silent for awhile, before he broke it again. "What is going on between you and Demetri?"

"He is an annoying friend that's helping me learn how to fight." I said laughing lightly. "Oh, yeah that reminds me…the kings thought it would be best if you could help me use my gifts."

"I suppose I could try." He said.

"We can get started tomorrow then."

"That will be fine." He said. "Perhaps, I can also take over training you in combat."

"Well, Demetri is already doing that and I think it would be pretty rude to just sweep him aside like that; especially since he just started." I said.

"It wouldn't be rude if you just told him it is more convenient to have one instructor instead of two." He said persistently.

"But then I wouldn't want to put so much work on you." I said, not understanding why he would want both jobs.

"It would not be a problem." He said quickly.

"Why do you want to do both?"

He was silent and when I looked over he seemed to be warring within his self. Anger was starting to cloud his features with every passing second.

"Alec?" I called him silently, placing a hand on his forearm which made him look at me intensely before his gaze softened a bit.

"I don't like Demetri around you." He spoke each word sharply in his anger.

"Why?" I asked lowly.

"I…" He began but didn't continue, shaking his head at me. Silently saying he didn't want to tell me.

Thousands of questions ran through my mind at a ridiculous rate. I didn't understand how he could have such a dislike of Demetri, or why he wouldn't answer me. Why did he bring me here? Why speak to me now? Why did he never answer my questions in a way that made sense?

Alec put a hand on top of the hand I still had on his forearm stopping my endless questions, rubbing his thumb across the back with swirls and loops. I closed my eyes and tried holding back the shiver that came from the feel of the patterns he created.

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**This is a two part chapter, I'll probably have the next one out by Monday.**

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	17. Ch 16 Open Door part 2

**Sorry for not getting this out sooner, but you know how it is in life when something stupid has to happen then you gotz to put things on hold. **

**Thank you all for the great reviews, alerts, and favorites.**

**Sparkly Vamp story is not part of my belongings.**

**Big thanks to xxtaylorlovesyouuxx for betaing :)**

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_Seek Not My Heart—Open Door part 2_

I took my hand away from his soft caresses, keeping myself away from temptation. I began to watch the birds and the leaves fly by, traveling along with the wind; almost feeling envious of how much freedom they have.

In no way am I trapped, but sometimes with some things I just think it would be easier if I could just simply fly away. Not have to worry, hurt, or be confused by anything or anyone. Plus, if I could fly away, I could go any place and see every sight. I'm sure being in the Volturi I will get to see some places, but I will never be able to just stay and sightsee.

I guess Alec wouldn't let me off so easily because he brought my chin to face him. His eyes were intense as I was forced to stare back.

"I want to be here with you, I don't want you drifting off." He said.

"What do you mean?" I asked confused. "I am here."

"Your body may be here, but your mind was somewhere else."

"I'm sorry, it's just… I guess I'm just used to zoning out on occasion that now I don't even realize it's happening anymore." I told him.

"Have you always been that way?" He asked interested.

"No, not until Edward left me the first time." I said shaking my head. "I think it has something with how I was after. I was practically catatonic, but then my father made me snap out of it and I ended up having to try to live a bit. But even then the only true company I had, besides Jake, were my thoughts and those were very limited."

"Limited?" He asked.

"Well, at the time, it was extremely painful to think about any of the Cullen's, including their names. So, naturally, I had to learn to simply think hard about other things, I suppose I truly zone out when I don't want to think about something in particular."

"So what were you trying not to think about?" He inquired.

I shook my head. "Sorry, I can't tell you."

"And why would that be?"

"I don't want to." I said stubbornly.

"Won't you tell me?" He asked.

"Sorry, no."

"It must be important then, for you to want to hide." He stated thoughtfully.

"It's not actually that important." I said without thinking.

"So you can tell me then." He said.

"Alec." I sighed.

"Tell me." He pleaded.

"You… I was trying not to think about you. I do it way too much." I whispered, looking at the last glare of the setting sun.

"Bella," He said, "there is no reason for you to be embarrassed of that."

I snorted at that. How could I not be embarrassed?

"I find myself thinking of you all the time." He admitted.

I smiled at him feeling warmth at the thought of him thinking of me as well. But there was the question on: what exactly did he think of me?

Obviously, he didn't seem to hate me, but I couldn't say he truly liked me at all. All this could be him trying to like me, though some of the things he does and says tell me he likes me perhaps more than a friend.

Which was great, of course having Alec like me more than a friend is great, but having him love me would be extremely better. Ah, and there I go again putting the horse before the wagon. I needed to keep reminding myself that I didn't know him, not much anyway.

"Alec," I whispered, "would you—and you really don't have to, I'm simply interested—would you tell me about how you became a vampire?"

He sighed, roughly pulling his body farther apart from mine, his face melancholic. "I suppose I would have been bound to tell you some time."

"Did Jane never say anything?" He asked after some short time of silence, gazing through the suns downward destination.

"No, she never mentioned anything." I answered, staring at the side of his face noticing only a bit of the ancient sadness that contorted his face.

He nodded. "We usually try not to remember, so you can understand why we don't even speak about it."

"Then you don't have to." I said quickly.

"No, it's probably better if you knew." He whispered seemingly to himself.

"Jane and I are three-hundred and forty-two years old. We were changed 1687 in a small village that we had lived our whole humans lives in. I am not sure what the place is called now, but I know the village was in the farthest south of Italy; only a day's walk from the ocean."

He had a small smile when he paused, but his features quickly became dark. "We lost our parents around the age of six when some of the villagers came by one night well after supper.

Our mother had hid us under the floorboards when they heard the noise outside coming towards our home. At the time, Jane and I had no idea as to what was going on or why our parents thought it so important to hide us. Later on we realized it was all because we were… different.

We were able to hear the torture those despicable humans put them through and see the blood leak through the boards. I remember almost shutting down when I heard the first cry of my mother. Jane seemed to writhe with pain next to me, clutching tightly at my arm probably piercing her nails through my skin but I couldn't feel it.

We were found eventually, of course, but only some tried to come near us. I didn't know then what was happening when Jane started a torturous scream that had any person that came to close fall to their knees pressing their hands tightly against their skull. Some other people would just crash to the ground, as if they were unconscious."

He paused, shaking his head lightly, and laughed humorlessly. "Of course, now we know exactly what was happening."

"So even in your human life you had powers?" I asked gently.

He nodded. "The villagers wanted to kill 'Satan's children', but they couldn't come near us. After they killed our parents, I suppose they believed it would be easier to send us back to our rightful place in hell once they got rid of the 'devil worshippers.' Those humans were stupid. Our parents were followers of God even through the torture they didn't deserve; they died trying to protect their children from the fate they were chosen to undergo. There is no evil in what they did, yet everyone in that village had the belief that they deserved what they got for protecting 'abominations.'

"Thirteen years later, they all still tried multiple times to end our lives, throw all types of objects, and called us many hateful things. A few times some of braver, or the bigger fools, humans would come to our home at night hoping that they could finally end it all. This caused either Jane or I to have to keep watch every night. But one time they actually had the brains to just set our home on fire. We ended up living in the forest, which was actually a lot easier since we were used to hunting for our own food and making our own supplies."

"Why?" I interrupted, not understanding why they needed to hunt or make their own stuff.

"Nobody would sell anything to us, they didn't want to be seen fraternizing with witches. Once we ran out of supplies after that one night, we had to turn to the woods to survive.

"The night we were changed was just like any other. We were just setting up a fire as the sun started going down when a man stepped out from the trees and into our clearing. He was right in front of us before we could fully process anything. He told us that we were going to be special when he grabbed a hold of us, and then our burning started.

"He introduced himself as Aro and apparently we were meant to only be a meal, but he said he knew that we were meant for this life. He even allowed us to have our first feed at the village we grew up in. We have been serving Aro ever since."

I felt a painful ache in my chest for all the hurt they had went through. How could those people justify what they had done was right for their religion? Children that never asked for what they got did not deserve to live with whole lives with everyone hating them enough that they would torture and kill the parents in front of them.

It was no wonder that Alec and Jane were skeptical about everyone. That Alec hardly spoke to anyone at all. That Jane didn't know how to make friends before me.

I moved myself closer to him, wanting and needing to comfort him some way. My hand gently rested on his back, making small circles. He didn't react to my gesture, but I could feel his tenseness falling away.

I didn't know what to say, but in a way I knew there was nothing that needed to be said. My actions were the only thing I felt could speak.

We continued sitting there, even when the sun was completely gone and the glow of the moon surrounded us.

"Thank you." I finally said. "You didn't have to share your past with me, but you did, so thank you."

"I was going to tell you eventually." He stated.

"Yeah, but still…" I mumbled.

"Bella, what you doing later?" He asked after another moment of silence.

"Well, I need to hunt, and then there's training." I said thoughtfully, completely forgetting that I was still rubbing circles on his back until he leaned more to my side.

"I will hunt with you, then."

"Alright." I murmured, frozen still on how we were actually leaning against one another.

I slowly placed my head on his shoulder; he tensed, but slowly began relaxing again. I felt so complete here by his side. Content and happy.

It was definitely new to not have to feel the worry and stress about practically everything. With him the only real thing I had to worry about was him not liking me. I didn't even have to worry about not being enough for him like I did with both Edward and Jacob, somehow with Alec I felt worthy. Not broken, plain, or not good enough at all.

Maybe it was that it seemed Alec needed me just as much as I needed him, though neither of us said anything like that, but I could just feel it. With Edward and Jacob I was the one that needed them, but I don't believe that they ever needed me.

"I'm going to go." I said sitting upright and putting my hands in my lap.

Alec turned to me with an unreadable expression and simply nodded. I didn't like him looking like that, and brought my hand up to caress his cheek. He gave me a smile while leaning into my touch.

"See you later." I whispered before jumping to my feet and taking off.

I forced myself to not look back at the eyes that I felt staring after me. I ran quickly through the door and the corridors to get… anywhere away from there.

Was it evil to run off after he just opened up and shared something so important with me?

Absolutely. But I only did it because… because, I guess it's because I'm a coward.

I had a feeling that if I didn't leave him soon, then I was going to end up saying or possibly doing something that would not end happily. Whatever it was going on between us, we were not ready. But most of all I could not stand the rejection that probably would have taken place.

I love him… and I very much want to tell him, but did he feel the same for me?

I didn't think he did.

Could he love me like I do him?

Maybe, maybe not.

The only way I could see us going anywhere, even if it did stop at friendship, was to just take this all in stride. This basically meant no kissing or being touchy feely for awhile, all that does is cloud my mind, and I can't have that.

It'll be hard later to be around him all day and not be able to touch him, but I truly think that is how this is going to have to be. Though I doubt he would care, in fact, I think he will like me keeping my hands to myself.

I felt like shouting and screaming, but that would not go over well. I had no idea what I was thinking about anymore, it was all so confusing. I wouldn't stay away from Alec yet I couldn't let myself get to close.

What the hell am I suppose to do?

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**REVIEWING = Life size shirtless Jasper pillows, or Alec cooking you dinner shirtless. Hahaha.**


	18. Ch 17 Marked

**Sorry, sorry, sorry…I know this is hella late and I was going to give you this chapter last Wednesday, but for the summer I am visiting my mother in the middle of a desert and she told me she had an internet connection, which she did but she uses broadband and for some reason it wouldn't work for my laptop. Don't worry though I bought something to fix it.**

**I thank those that review, alert, and favorite this story. Especially those that start yelling at me to update, without you guys I would probably update slower.**

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_Seek Not My Heart— Marked_

"Pay attention, would you?"

"I'm trying."

"Trying, really? All you've been doing is losing focus for the past two hours, instead of kicking my ass like you're supposed to." Demetri yelled with a voice full of annoyance.

"I'm sorry," I sighed. "I am really trying to stay focused, but I can't seem to think straight."

He stared at me for a moment longer, before sighing in what I would assume being frustration and running his hand through his hair.

"Let's take a break, alright." He said. "Have you hunted today?"

"No, I was going with Alec later." I muttered.

"Oh, Alec, huh?" He chuckled to himself then calmed down when he saw my questioning look. "Would you mind if I tagged along?"

"I suppose not." I said suspiciously, somehow knowing he had a hidden agenda.

"Good 'cause I was going anyway." He stated. "Now, let's go find your man."

"He is not my man." I said, feeling as if I would be blushing. Demetri simply laughed at me while walking through the doors.

"I don't get you." I told him.

"What's there not to get?" He asked with a side glance when I caught up to him.

"Yesterday you umm… you couldn't keep your hands to yourself," I said quickly, then cleared my throat though not needing to. "And you were trying to mess with Alec. Now today you're all normal and want to hunt with Alec and me?"

He chuckled. "I'll tell you why later."

We walked the rest of the way to Alec's room in silence; it took longer than what it would have taken me by myself, because Demetri felt the need to have long conversations with everyone that was passing by. A couple of times I tried to simply sneak away, but somehow he always knew when I was about to make a getaway and would end up stopping me by somehow getting me into the conversation with the other person.

Alec opened the door after a second knock and did not look at all pleased with the person standing next to me all nonchalant.

"What may I ask are you doing here, Demetri?" Alec practically snarled.

"I am tagging along with the two of you guys." Demetri answered unaffected.

"You don't hunt animals, and Heidi is due back from 'fishing' anytime now." Alec pointed out.

"Oh you caught me." Demetri huffed, and then grinned. "I wanted to try the vegan lifestyle."

Alec looked like he was about to shred Demetri to pieces. Demetri had a giant grin on his face.

"I figured Bella would like me more, if we had that in common." Demetri added.

"I don't think she could like someone like you at all." Alec said.

"She liked me pretty well earlier."

Alec growled and went into a semi crouch. Demetri followed his lead.

I simply stood there, staring at the two; back and forth, wondering if going with these two was going to be the stupidest thing I have ever done.

"Come on you two, I'm hungry." I sighed, before turning on my heel and walking away.

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Many times in our lives we simply cannot find words or thoughts for an event that simply leaves us flabbergasted. Many times this happened before, during, and a bit after our little hunt.

We walked along the corridors towards the exit, passing a few others that were heading to the throne room for Heidi's catch.

I felt far from relaxed walking between those two. It almost felt like one was about to pounce every time the other spoke to me.

I didn't know what Demetri was playing at, but that was one thing I knew for sure. He was playing with Alec.

Once we reached the forest edge, I took off running to the nearest animal. I could feel one of them following me, but they kept enough distance that I didn't feel threatened.

I sunk my teeth into an elk after I snapped its neck. The person came a bit closer, watching. A growl vibrated through my chest on instinct, though my mind clearly knew it was just Alec.

I tossed the dry body to the side, slowly straightening up from my position. He didn't move or speak, simply watched with black eyes.

My instincts urged me to move to him, the lust growing as I listened to my animalistic side and took the steps forward.

Just as slowly he met me halfway. Some unseen force pulled us closer, it felt like the same force from the day of karaoke.

Our lips connected sending shocks of pleasure through my frozen veins. My hands rested around his neck, pulling him closer as I parted my lips for him. Our tongues battled for dominance that he easily took.

His taste was always so good with some unknown flavors. I could just make out a tinge of blackberries, but everything else was foreign to me.

His hands tangled through my hair, tugging my neck back slightly, releasing my lips. I gasped and threw my eyes open finding his eyes staring back at me before he moved his head to my neck.

His teeth ran through the expanse of my neck, causing me to shudder. Soon I felt a lot of pain on the top of my collarbone and pushed away from him, my hand going straight to the wound. I lightly ran my fingertips across the small indentions, whimpering slightly; it didn't seem too deep but I was sure would be really noticeable.

"What the hell, Alec?" I yelled, backing up more.

He simply shrugged. "It's nothing."

"Seriously? You have got to be joking." I said angrily. "You just sort of…_marked _me. And it's nothing."

Deep down somewhere I was overjoyed that he did mark me as his, but that was being squished down from the confusion and disbelief of him actually doing that without saying anything except that it was nothing.

I couldn't understand him at all.

"Bella, why is Demetri here?" He asked, staring at me searchingly. "I thought I told you I don't like him around you."

What? What the hell was going on in that gorgeous head of his? Why was he being all possessive now?

I whimpered again when my hand brushed against my new mark. Did he simply bite me in spite of Demetri? My chest felt crushing against my heart.

"It wasn't my fault." I said, explaining for reasons I had no idea about. "He was training me, and then asked what I was doing later, so I told him that you and I were going hunting and he invited himself."

"Couldn't you have told him, you didn't want him here?"

"That's rude, plus I didn't see a problem." I replied angrily, still moving back. "He wanted to join us, so I let him."

"I told you I didn't want you around him." He snapped back.

"That is not a reason, and last time I checked you never did tell me why."

"I didn't think I had to."

"Well, obviously I don't get it. So, if you really want me to stay away from him, you have to tell me why."

We stood there glaring at one another, before he took a long unneeded breath and looked about to say something. Unfortunately or fortunately, Demetri took that time to race out the forest and come to a complete halt in front of me.

"Hey, there you are. You just disappeared on me." He said. "I thought I should tell you that this animal thing ain't going to work for me."

I kept my hand over the mark, not wanting Demetri to freak out over it. I held back my whimpers of the stinging heat of it.

"That's all right. I kind of figured you wouldn't enjoy it." I said, offering a small smile.

"Well, I enjoyed the chase they give, but the taste is awful." He said, chuckling. "I don't know how you two do it."

I shrugged lightly, making me wince.

"Hey, are you alright?" Demetri asked staring at where my hand was.

"Huh? Oh, yeah I'm perfect."

"Then what are you covering?" He asked, reaching up to take my hand from my neck.

"I'm not covering anything. I just…I just…" I stammered my mind blank.

His hand was just over mine, when all of a sudden he was flying through some trees and Alec stood in front of me.

Alec took my hand in his and stared at the top of my collarbone before pressing a light kiss to it. It stung and I winced, he seemed to have noticed because he mumbled a quick 'sorry.'

He moved away from me, backing up to the direction he threw Demetri, staring solely on his mark.

"What was that for?" I heard Demetri yell angrily.

Alec turned to the direction of the voice. "Don't touch her."

"I was just seeing what was wrong." Demetri said coming out of the trees.

"It's none of your concern."

"She's my friend, of course she is my concern."

Alec didn't seem to like that answer and crouched down lowly. Demetri looked flabbergasted, and looked towards me for guidance, his eyes snapped to my neck and widen even more.

I guess looking at me was the wrong move, because Alec snarled before pouncing on top of Demetri.

As much as I hated Alec fighting with Demetri, somehow I loved that he was just so possessive of me. He looked so hot when he was like this; I couldn't help needing him more.

After a couple of one-sided punches were thrown, I decided I needed to break them up.

"Enough." I yelled; placing my hands on Alec's back.

He seemed to relax with my touch, but punched Demetri one more time before jumping to a stand by my side.

I helped Demetri from the ground ignoring the quiet growl coming from Alec. Demetri still had that flabbergasted look on his face, and he snapped his eyes back to Alec's mark.

"Are you alright, Demi?" I asked.

He shook his head lightly, as if to clear it and looked up at my face. "Yeah, just a little shocked."

"Yeah." I sighed in agreement.

"I think you can let go now." Alec spoke eerily calm as he looked at Demetri's and my joined hands.

"Sorry." I mumbled as I let go.

"Alec, what the hell is that?" Demetri finally yelled pointing at my neck.

"I marked her." Alec said, still calm.

"Why would you do that?"

"That is none of your concern."

"And I told you she is my friend and you hurt her that is my concern." Demetri snapped.

"No, it is not."

"Bella, come on, I need to speak with you." He said, pulling my hand.

"Let her go." Alec growled.

Demetri tugged my arm. "Come on."

I finally snapped and let loose a scream of frustration. I couldn't take it anymore. They were treating me as if I wasn't there, and then ordering me around as if I was simply their puppet.

"If I want to go, I'll go." I growled in Alec's face, and then turned to Demetri. "And I can speak and fight for myself."

I left them, running straight through the forest to the direction of the castle. My mind screaming at everything and anything on the way there, curses in my thoughts for the two guys I ran from.

I almost broke the doors off their hinges as I stormed into the place, but I didn't care. I stomped my way to my room, everyone moving to get out of my way as I went.

I slammed my door shut and tossed myself on my bed, causing some of the wood to snap. I grabbed my nearest pillow and crashed my face against it, before screaming.

A knock at my door, had me jumping up from my bed and throwing the door open making it smack against the wall loudly.

"What do you want?" I asked harshly.

"Remember, I wanted to talk to you." Demetri answered, seeming unaffected.

"Fine. Talk." I snapped.

"Well, remember earlier you said you didn't get me, and then went on to say why you didn't get me, and I told you I would explain it to you later."

"Yeah, I remember." I said, my anger dispersing somewhat.

"I figure I should tell you now." He said with a sigh.

"All right."

"You want the whole truth of it?" Demetri asked a bit hesitantly.

"Yes, please." I pleaded.

"Well, truthfully I do really like you." He told me staring at the ceiling, and then looked back at me. "But I knew that with the way you felt about Alec, you would never give me a chance."

"Wait, you know how I feel about Alec?" I asked quickly, feeling embarrassed.

"Yeah, everyone around here knows how you two feel about one another." He said with a shrug. "Well, maybe except for the two of you."

"What?" I yelled.

"It's really obvious." He stated. "And that was why I have been messing you guys."

"How does that tie into you messing with us?" I asked quietly, still embarrassed.

"I was simply helping the process. You know, by making Alec jealous. That way you get to see that he is in fact jealous for you, and maybe help him figure out his feelings faster. Awesome plan if I do say so myself."

"When did this idea form anyhow?"

"After the first day I trained you, when I seen the way Alec reacted to that Cullen being there. The idea just made itself."

"You are unbelievable." I said.

"And also extremely lovable." He added. "You have to admit my idea is actually really working."

"I don't know, I mean obviously he marked me and got really possessive in the forest, but maybe he was just pissed at you."

"That's how you know its working. He gets pissed at me, wants to claim you, there you go happily ever after." Demetri said while making crazy gestures in the air.

"No offense, Demetri, but I just don't see it working that way. I don't think he marked me because he feels the same way I do."

"Eh, you're a pessimist. You owe me a new video game when it does work." He said before walking away.

Demetri was a fool, thinking what he was doing could ever work. Alec didn't want me the way I wanted him, of that I was one hundred percent positive.

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**Next chapter already more than halfway done.**

_**Anywhoz, I wrote an OS for the Darkella contest, be sure to check it out. It's called 'Pleasure of the Flesh' and is a pairing with Bella & Jasper. **_

**Review please :) Tell me what you think.**


	19. Ch 18 Please

**I do not own Twilight.**

**Thank you all for the reviews, alerts, and favorites. **

**Big balloons and chocolates to my fabulous Beta xxtaylorlovesyouuxx.**

**This one is shorter than usual but I thought it was perfect. So without further ado…**

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_Seek Not My Heart—Please…_

Blankets rested over my head; the light seeping in, and shadows of objects clear through them. Not a single cloud hovered in the sky, leaving everything exposed. Hiding under sheets didn't cover anything, but it made me feel comforted, covered, and safe.

"Bella." I heard Jane whisper, opening the door a crack. "I know your there."

"Come in then." I muttered, pulling the blankets closer to my body.

"What are you doing?"

"Nothing."

"Is this what you've been doing for half a day?" She asked in clear disbelief.

"Maybe."

"What's the matter?" Her voice quieter.

I could see her making her way over to the side of the bed before she sat beside me and patted my back.

"Nothing."

"Bella, just tell me what are you doing?" She asked with exasperation swirling through her voice.

"I'm hiding." I mumbled.

"From what?"

"From who." I corrected.

"Then from who, Bella?"

I remained still and silent, not at all sure if I should tell her what happened yesterday. My mind was still in chaos, and maybe she could help me clear it out. But it was about her brother, and I didn't want to bother her about him.

I sighed and threw the covers off of me, deciding to just show her. I was acting pretty ridiculous anyway; being a vampire and hiding under blankets. What is that?

"Bella, what happened to your neck?" Jane yelled while pointing pretty rudely. "Who did that?"

"Jane, relax, it's no big deal." I said calmly.

"No big deal. No big deal! You are marked, tell me who did it. Tell me if someone needs to be brought pain." She was pacing wildly around my room.

"No one needs your power used on them."

"Who did it?"

"I really don't want to tell you." I said.

"I thought we were practically sisters, why can't you tell me?" She asked, hurt coloring her tone.

"It's your brother's." I whispered quickly, staring at my fumbling fingers.

"I…uh…" I looked up to find her closing her gaping jaw, completely surprised by my revelation.

I covered my face in my hands, I was just completely embarrassed. The whole concept of Alec marking me was confusing and discomforting. Mostly since he was saying I was his, yet we weren't at all together, and the only thing we had done was kiss a few times. Plus, I was in love with him, but I didn't think he reciprocated at all.

As much as I should feel overjoyed that he did claim me. I couldn't be. Sure I was slightly when it just happened, but finally thinking about it, all I felt was pain over it.

I love him, but I was marked over something as trivial as jealousy. Him having that emotion didn't really say anything, like Demetri thought. He was jealous, yes, but he could have been that way because he thought Demetri was taking away my friendship from him.

My whole soul, heart, and mind belonged to Alec. Even if I kept desperately fighting for him and have others help me, I would never have any part of Alec, because he wouldn't let me. Because he didn't want me.

Not at all the way I wanted him; the way he had me.

A sob broke through my clenched teeth, causing a rattle to sound in the room. My vision was a blur as I looked up at the blank ceiling.

"Bella, it's alright. Everything is going to be just fine." She shushed me soothingly. "He doesn't know what he does."

"I don't know what I'm doing." I told her brokenly.

"I know." She said nonchalant, rubbing my back with circles.

I laughed chokingly at her honesty. "I know." I repeated.

"You'll have to face him sometime." She said with a small smile. "I hear he's supposed to be training you on your gifts."

"I forgot."

"Or you tried to forget." She corrected knowingly.

"Yeah, the second one." I sighed, smiling slightly with her. "Jane, what do I do?"

"For now, just pretend nothing is wrong. Pretend what happened there," –she pointed at my neck-"didn't happen at all."

"Like that will be easy," I muttered. "It still hurts."

"Everything hurts." She replied heading towards my door, somehow knowing that she wasn't just speaking about my new mark. "You simply fight through it."

* * *

After standing under the shower for an hour, simply to just delay, I finally just decided to face the inevitable.

I was slowly realizing that I couldn't continue to act the way I had been. Ever since Edward had entered my life, I had been dependent on him. I don't know what happened to that strong girl that took care of herself, and for the longest time I thought I was still her, even here I thought I was, but thinking about my reactions to what Alec does or doesn't do…

I realize I'm just sad and pathetic.

That was all going to change. I wasn't going to allow people to just take advantage of me any longer. I needed to think of my needs a bit too, and that was exactly what I was going to do.

After getting all ready for the day and coming to my decision, I left my room feeling much better about myself than ever before.

I made my way towards the training room feeling in an all around light mood. Every person that passed was greeted with a wave and a smile.

I entered the room without lessening my skip and found Alec to be staring at the ceiling. I looked up, then at him, and back again, before resting my eyes on him with my head tilted to the side, quizzically.

"Hello to you also, Alec." I said after he just kept staring.

"Hello." He said, shaking his head as if to dissolve his thoughts.

"What were you looking at the ceiling for?" I asked looking up.

"Nothing, just thinking." He answered.

"About?" I pressed.

"Nothing."

I sighed in defeat. "If you say so."

"What is on the agenda?" I finally asked after a bit of awkward silence.

"We shall get started on projection." He said. "I have already asked Jane to help out. She should be here in twenty minutes or so."

I nodded causing some of my hair to fall over the front of my shoulder. His eyes snapped to where his mouth had decorated my skin, which was now covered, and frowned slightly to himself.

"Why?" I asked, moving my hair back and tracing the light sting of the mark.

He shook his head and moved slightly back.

"Why did you mark me?" I asked again, stepping closer and grabbing his arm so he couldn't just leave.

"I don't know." He mumbled.

I stared back at him, somehow knowing that he wasn't ultimately lying, but that there was something he wasn't saying. Something that might be the answer. Something I was going to know.

"I need to know why, Alec." I finally said, dropping his arm. "I deserve that much; you marked me without even asking."

"I'm not too sure myself." He sighed, facing more in front of me.

"Just tell me something, anything." I pleaded slightly.

He shook his head wildly from side to side, but I wasn't going to have any of that anymore.

"Alec, just tell me."

He looked at me, probably seeing my determination, and sighed. "I told you I didn't like Demetri anywhere near you. I hate when he is or when any other guy is. You don't belong to any of them; you don't belong to anyone but… but me.

"I don't know what it is. I…_care_ for you. No, no it's more than that; it's always been more than that." Alec said; his voice carrying suppressed emotion and his eyes stared back at me with a heavy intensity. "I'm sorry, Bella, but I'm not sure if I can say or do what you want, what you need.

"I feel for you. I feel and I'm not sure if I really like it or if I can at all stand it. I'm sorry, but I…we can't."

"Alec…" I couldn't think of anything to say. I didn't know what to feel; happy that he confessed even this much, or pained that he no longer wanted to try whatever this was anymore. Plenty of shock added into my raging emotions; I was dumbfounded.

"Why do you still stay with me even when I do the things I do?" He asked.

"Because…" Ah, crap. This was not part of the plans at all. Crap, crap, crap…to be strong and confess then accept the consequences, or just go back to sulking all the time?

It needs to be out there. I know that. I can't stand anymore of my recent questioning thoughts. He needs to know how I feel, and he must have at least some of those feelings for me-if what he just told me is anything to go by.

Even if he chooses to throw my heart at his feet, he will still have it. Only now, he will know it.

I looked back up at him to find his gaze still settled on me, patiently waiting for my answer.

_I can do this, I can do this…it needs to be said…needs to be…_

"Because…I lo…" I paused and took a deep shaky breath. "I stay by you, because I love you, Alec."

His eyes widened, mouth gaped, and he stumbled back as if I had hit him. Not exactly the reaction I was looking for.

I kept my eyes unwavering back at him. _I needed to tell him, he needed to know._ He still doesn't say anything.

His eyes change, not in color, but they harden. Everything about him becomes as if he is nothing. As if he has nothing inside. As if he is…numb.

My feet move a step closer. He moves back, yet doesn't speak. I know this is bad, that no matter his feelings, this isn't going to end well. For now, whatever he does I will be strong, if only for a little bit.

If only till he leaves.

Every part of my being yells that it won't be long till he does.

My mind and heart are for once in sync, sobbing for the man that I won't have, and screaming that I was not to be loved. That it was never for us. Everything in my life is an illusion.

"Please…" I whispered, still trying to be strong. _Just for now, only for a little while._

"_Mi dispiace._" He finally spoke, his voice just as emotionless as his face. It's like the first time I saw him.

His feet carry him farther backwards, farther from me. I stay in place this time, afraid of crumbling at his feet. It won't change what he is about to do, I know.

"_Mi dispiace,_" He whispered again. "_La mia anima eterna._"

His whole being moved closer to the door, our eyes still locked. A flash of incomprehensible emotion flashed quickly across his features, but abruptly returned to nothing.

"This can't be,_ mi dispiace._" He said numbly. "_We _can't be."

He closed his eyes before turning around and exiting out the door, I couldn't help raising my hand as if to grab him even though now he is…_gone_.

The heavy bang of the door made me jump slightly. I couldn't help when my body immediately crashed to the floor.

….

_Mi dispiace—_ I'm sorry.

_La mia anima eterna—_My everlasting soul.

* * *

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	20. Ch 19 stay

**Twilight not mine. Yada yada.**

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_Seek Not My Heart— …stay_

The blank wood stared at me in pity that I didn't want, but I couldn't stop staring back, hoping, beyond anything, that he would open it and rush to my side with apologies brushing pasthis lips, though I wouldn't want or need them.

I understood why he acted the way he did. I understood that he was confused and possibly terrified by the unknown of emotions, but couldn't he see that so was I? Couldn't he understand how hard it was for me to confess to him, with me knowing that he probably wouldn't reciprocate?

Was being filled with heartbreak for eternity really my destiny? Had I done something to warrant so many fails in happiness through my life? Was I forever one of those that were only allowed a slight bittersweet taste of love?

My body was still hunched in the center of the training room with only a trickle of silent cries dripping past my slightly parted lips. No one hearing a sound to the torment wreaking havoc throughout my still veins.

My hands clawed at the dim marble floor, never breaking a nail. Never breaking. The blood in my veins no longer able to be spilt, the skin on my body not able to be opened. No damage done on my flesh.

My whole outer being could no longer break, not even a scratch.

And yet, everything inside was easily ripped open in millions of shredded pieces for no one to see. Only for me to feel. Only for me to suffer.

He was scared because I caused him to simply _feel_. But I would, or could, never allow what he had done to me to enter and destroy his heart. Even for him to cause me to crumble, I still loved him strongly and wrongly.

_I will always be a simple fool._

Would it ever stop hurting?

I'm sure it wouldn't, but I was willing to try to move past it. I wouldn't allow myself to be back into some zombie as I had been when Edward had left me. I had enough strength to have a life, if only a semi one.

My legs quaked a bit under me as I forced my body to get up, to move forward. I forced my thoughts to simply concentrate on getting out of here, lest I be found. I wouldn't be able to handle that yet, I needed some time.

I took a long unnecessary breath letting it all out shakily as I gazed up at nothing. One foot forward and then another…

_I can do this, I can do this, I can…_

Seven steps and I found myself in front the door. My hand quickly went forward, holding the knob in a tight grip, and turned the handle halfway before it fell back at my side.

"_This can't…we can't be." _

His only real last words resonated throughout my skull, causing my fingertips to tangle in my hair and push against my head, trying desperately in vain to make those words leave. Another echo of his voice continued with only a whimper in response.

_I'm…I'm…I don' know if I can do this…I don' know…_

I was pathetic, but allowed myself to be washed towards the ground with my defeat. No movement, no sound, or thought.

Simply defeated.

….

The pitter patter of a soft rain started dancing across the roof, some of the salty liquid glided through the light cracks of the ceiling, dripping to the floor like the tears I wasn't able to shed.

The creak and clanks of the door opening shuddered through the room. I didn't have it in me to look up to see who found my fallen form.

"Oh, Bella." The voice of Jane whispered sadly. "I can't believe he…"

"I'm fine." I mumbled, still not moving.

"No, Bella, no, you're not." She kneeled directly in front of me.

"I'll be fine, then." I corrected, feeling slightly better knowing someone was here.

"I know you will." She sighed. "What did he do?"

"I…I don't want to think about it." I said, moving slightly to sit up a bit straighter.

"You finally told him, didn't you?" She asked quietly, moving some of my hair out of my face.

"I'm an idiot."

"No, he's the idiot." She corrected.

"He's your brother."

"Doesn't change the fact that he is an idiot." She laughed humorlessly.

"I love him, Jane, and…and it just hurts so badly. So much worse than what I can recall when Edward left the first time…so much worse than anything. And I can't break, not the way I feel…and for some twisted reason I want to be able to look in the mirror and not look perfect, but broken. I want him to know, but yet I don't want him to hurt. Not like this. I want him to see what he has caused me to feel, but…but I would never be able to let him know. Let him see.

I can't think straight. I can't think past the agony where my heart once laid…I can't think past how he just…_left._ I don't know if I can…I don't know anymore. I just…I just know… that my heart will always be in his hands."

"_This can't…we can't be."_

His words rang through my mind, again. A twisted sob ripped in the air, echoing through the closed space. The colors of Jane's face mashed together with the stone walls behind her. The hollow ringing of my cries hit the walls and brought them to our small circle, making me shudder from the sound, yet I couldn't stop.

I felt her arms encircle me in a semi warm embrace; they weren't the arms I wanted, but they were still welcomed as my sister's. She didn't speak as she let me let lose what I tried desperately to control.

My horrid sounds were the only other company in the room with us, along with the light puddles forming along the floor. I felt as if I were choking, yet my lungs would never need air, like I would never be able to have a light clear breath any longer. My heart was twisted and mangled, yet would continue to follow him as a shadow. My vision blurred and dimmed, I knew I would never see anything brightly again.

We finally pulled apart when I became silent, when nothing was able to choke past my lips anymore. It didn't make me feel any less pained, but it helped my mind clear a bit from the fog I created for it in my hope he would come back to me.

But he wouldn't, not this time.

"Pain helps you know you are alive." Jane spoke solemnly. "A broken heart helps you know you have one."

"I wish I were able to become numb." I said. "No nothing."

"Yes, but when the wounds heal at least it will make you realize that you do have a heart and that you are, in fact, alive. If you were numb, how would you be as different as any other monster?" She held me against her in a tight yet caring embrace, again. "If you were numb, how would you have felt the bliss of love?"

"Yes, but I also wouldn't be destroyed by it, time and time again." I whispered.

"_Love means exposing yourself to the pain of being hurt, deeply hurt by someone you trust_. Perhaps, you should keep that in mind, especially in times like these." She whispered back, tightening her grip before completely releasing me. "I'll leave you to your thoughts."

"Thank you, Jane, for always being there." I said as she moved to leave.

"Don't worry, Bella, things will work out, I just know it." The door shut behind her, leaving only the remembrance of the words spoken in my mind.

She was completely right. I wasn't about to try to argue with what she had told me, not anymore.

I pondered only slightly on Jane's words. At the moment I didn't need to think so much as do. All I have ever been doing about everything was thinking this and that, and never just actually went with my gut instincts.

Maybe if I had, he would still be in this room with me.

But I couldn't waste my time on the 'could or would have's' of my twisted life.

He left and though with no reasons, I was going to accept them and try to not live in the 'what could have been's' of our short time together. Not like the first time I was tossed to the side.

I would have to leave for only awhile, simply to be able to think about what it is I want for my future. Maybe, it was the coward's way out, but I knew that if my eyes got a single glimpse of him, a break down at his feet would be the result.

My entire being needed to become stronger, if only for myself.

I stood up fully without a stumble. My hand grasped the doorknob and pulled the exit completely open with no hesitation. I walked out of the room, heading straight towards the unknown.

A new dawn will rise and parts of me will be able to survive and live with every new one, but I'll always remain broken in unrecognizable pieces.

But that was the thing, I would still survive.

Even if it was…

Without him.

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**Next chap = Alec POV. – ****I will make it extra long if I get 35 reviews**

**Hate me. Love me. Just Review me.**


	21. Ch 20 A Martyr for My Love for You

**Thank all for so many wonderful reviews. And those that have this on alerts and favorite.**

**I do not own Twilight or the song which is by White Stripes.**

**Song really inspired Alec all together, really.**

* * *

_Seek Not My Heart— A Martyr for My Love for You _

_"She was sixteen and six feet tall_  
_In a crowd of teenagers comin' out of the zoo_  
_She stumbled started to slip and fall_  
_Teeter-tottered on the top of patent leather shoes_  
_I happened to catch her and said, 'Maybe these ruby shoes are a little cumbersome for you'_

_Maybe for you, now_

_But not as shaky as I must have seemed_  
_Talkin' junk through her giggle, little teenage dream_  
_And on the phone I could not compete_  
_My dumb-love fake competence was getting weak_  
_For a sec' I thought I sounded sweet_  
_But sure 'nough in a gruff, faint voice_  
_I heard myself speak_

_[Chorus:]_  
_I could stay a while_  
_But sooner or later I'll break your smile_  
_And I can tell a joke_  
_But one of these days I'm bound to choke_  
_And we could share a kiss_  
_But I feel like I can't go through with this_  
_And I bet we could build a home_  
_But I know the right thing for me to do_  
_Is to leave you alone_

_Leave you alone, now_

_I'm beginning to like you_  
_So you probably won't get what I'm going to do_  
_I'm walkin' away from you_  
_It probably don't make much sense to you_  
_But I'm trying to save you_  
_From all of the things that I'll probably say or do_

_I'll probably do_

_[Chorus:]_  
_I could stay a while_  
_But sooner or later I'll break your smile_  
_And I can tell a joke_  
_But one of these days I'm bound to choke_  
_And we might share a kiss_  
_But I feel like a can't go through with this_  
_And I bet we could build a home_  
_But I know the right thing for me to do_  
_Is to leave you alone_

_Leave you alone, now_

_You'll probably call me a fool_  
_And say I'm doin' exactly what a coward would do_  
_And I'm beginning to like you_  
_What a shame it's a lame way to live_  
_But what can I do?_  
_I hope you appreciate what I do_

_I'm a martyr for my love for you_  
_A martyr for my love for you, now_  
_A martyr for my love for you_  
_A martyr for my love for you_

**

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**

Alec POV- before he left.

The silence of the training room was welcoming yet bothering all at once. My thoughts these days were troublesome in the way they were always about Bella.

More so now since I marked her only a day before. The question of why was always present.

My beast wanted to claim her in an attempt of fending off Demetri who was my closest threat, but threat to what? I didn't know.

But I was proud and happy to have my teeth impression decorated on her flesh. I wanted her claimed by me because…because…I wouldn't answer that.

Her voice luckily broke through my fogged thoughts.

"Hello." I said, shaking my head lightly.

"What were you looking at the ceiling for?" She asked raising her head to gaze at the blankness.

"Nothing, just thinking." _About you._

"About?" She inquired.

"Nothing." _That I would want to let you know._

She exhaled, seeming defeat. "If you say so."

After I had told her of what was to take place for her training, her affirmation, being a nod, had her hair falling over the mark I had done. I couldn't help feeling a bit disappointed that her hair was in the way. I wanted it to always be showing, for everyone to know that she was mine.

"Why?" She asked, moving her brown locks behind her back and tracing my mark softly.

I moved away subconsciously, not wanting to tell her anything about why.

"Why did you mark me?" She moved near me and grabbed my arm, demanding explanation.

"I don't know." I mumbled, thinking of how the feel of her soft hands was causing pleasant, seeming electrical, shocks to shot through my captive limb.

She stared hard back at me, determination leaking from her eyes. It seemed she had finally gotten sick of my constant hiding.

"I need to know why, Alec." She said, dropping her hand back to her side. "I deserve that much; you marked me without even asking."

"I'm not too sure myself." I sighed.

"Just tell me something, anything." She pleaded, but held strong.

I simply shook my head, wanting and needing her to just drop it like she had done in the past.

"Alec, just tell me."

I stared back at her and sighed, knowing she wasn't letting anything drop anymore. "I told you I didn't like Demetri anywhere near you. I hate when he is or when any other guy is. You don't belong to any of them; you don't belong to anyone but… but me."

The more I thought about it all, the more angry I got, and I allowed some of my confused thoughts to be heard by her. She just stared back at me in a complete shocked daze.

"I don't know what it is. I…_care_ for you. No, no it's more than that; it's always been more than that." I told her; my voice carrying suppressed emotion as I stared back at her with a heavy intensity. "I'm sorry, Bella, but I'm not sure if I can say or do what you want, what you need.

"I feel for you. I feel and I'm not sure if I really like it or if I can at all stand it. I'm sorry, but I…we can't."

"Alec…" It was the only thing she seemed to be able to say. I wanted more from her, something, anything…

Yet, I also was glad she didn't.

"Why do you still stay with me even when I do the things I do?" I had to know, because honestly, she could have yelled at me or told me to get lost countless of times, why stay with someone who never gives you anything? Someone who wouldn't give you anything?

"Because…" She got lost in her thoughts, panic striking her features.

I waited patiently for her to gather herself enough to answer or not.

"Because…I lo…" She paused and took a deep shaky breath, but I wished she didn't continue. "I stay by you, because I love you, Alec."

I could feel my eyes widened, mouth gaping, and the way I stumbled back as if I had been punched. She obviously didn't anticipate my reaction by the crestfallen look she gained.

My heart flutter rapidly, my throat and chest constrict in a way that's both pleasant and uncomfortable, and my mind repeats her words and voice…that sentence, over and over.

Part of me wants to speak those words back, but the fear of it all is exponentially higher and whispering to me not to.

It's selfish, but I can't. Not yet. Maybe, and hopefully, in time, but not yet.

I crushed whatever emotions were rising and brewing within me, it's not hard since before her I was numb. The only challenge is the visuals in my mind of the sure happiness that would come to be if I only could release those words past my lips.

With every step that brings her closer, I force myself to move back. Away from temptation.

_Away, away, away…_

"Please…" She whispered staring back at me with pleading yet determined eyes.

"_Mi dispiace._" I finally said, desperately ignoring how she was reacting to my every stab.

"_Mi dispiace,_" I whispered again, forgetting she didn't speak my native tongue I couldn't help offering a piece of a confession. "_La mia anima eterna._"

My feet guided me closer to my escape, our eyes still locked. The suffering I could read in her butterscotch eyes almost had me running to her side to offer any comfort that she wanted, but I quickly put that moment out of my head and put my mask back in place.

"This can't be,_ mi dispiace._" I spoke with a voice filled of nothingness, but I couldn't stop apologizing. She needed to know that I was sorry for hurting her. For being a coward. "_We _can't be."

It was a lie, but also a truth.

I closed my eyes, trying to hide what I was seeing mar her gorgeous face, knowing I was the cause for her pain.

I should have told her that this was only for now. I should have told her of how my heart belonged to her, that I was certain that I shared the same emotions.

But I couldn't…

And I hated myself for it.

…

I would have continued to walk away from her even if I had chosen to stay by her side for eternity. For now, the only thing I could do was hurt her by lying. Hurt me by my lying to her. Lying to me.

I wasn't ready for her yet, not in the way to be able to let her know how I feel. Especially, since I couldn't really admit an ounce of it to myself.

And I want to be able to do that for her. It's what she needed.

It may not make any sense at all, but I had to hurt her at this moment when the feelings were not too far gone and couldn't cause too much damage, rather than later when I know I could have caused everything to be worse for the both of us.

A lie, in order to face her better later.

Hurt her to truly be with her.

For the longest time I've known nothing about anybody, or anything, but now I find myself knowing practically everything about her.

Everything that I am…Everything that I had, and thought was lost, was hers all along. Did she really not see? Couldn't she realize that I lov…that she made emotions awaken in me that I was never sure were there in the first place.

Everywhere I looked seemed to be chilled, as if my decision caused everything to become so freezing and alone. Perhaps, it was only I who was hollow and frozen; it sure felt like it.

A blink of my eyes brought the memory of her broken face to appear behind my lids. I allowed myself to finally unlock the cage I had created and ended up destroying my room completely, but with my self- hate coming out, so did everything I felt towards Bella.

Every memory of her slight absentminded habits, the look in her eyes when she was pleased or amused by something, how her voice would go up when she tried lying...I couldn't stop thinking about everything or how all of it affected me.

When I entered my room it was clear morning but after my pleasant daydreaming, darkness echoed back at me.

It was a short time to think but it had me finally seeing how stupid I had been. I had _made_ myself fear what I was feeling and instead of rising against it like I should have, I remained coward in the corner.

But I was stupid to think that I would intentionally cause Bella pain in the future, I was blind to see that only the choices I had just made would harm her. I feared the future for things that might never happen instead of just enjoying what we had now and accepting that I would never purposely hurt my Bella.

What I had just done was the one thing I had feared, and yet, I was blind to see it. All because I was selfishly keeping the truth from her, and why?

Because I was stupid.

But despite all of that, I knew now was the time to finally say it… now was the time to admit that…I…

I love Bella Swan.

The weight of just finally allowing myself to think those words lifted off my shoulders and I couldn't help feeling so light. So free from my own confines.

She disarms me and I can't help but want to surrender everything I am to her. Was that truly so bad? Was I really going to allow one useless emotion such as fear guide my life forever?

I never allowed such a simple thing as fear succeed to hold me prisoner before, so why had I allowed it to this time? I didn't know, but at this moment I couldn't find myself caring. All I cared about was finally embracing that I did in fact love Bella and did want a forever with her.

Racing through the corridors, they never seemed so long in my several hundreds of years passing through them. I searched everywhere I could think of her being, but didn't find a scent of her except for a day old one.

Where could she have gone? _Where is she?_

The more I searched and the more time flew by without her being anywhere, the more excruciating agony plunged through my chest.

I needed to find her; I needed to let her know.

Deciding to question someone I knew for certain would know of her whereabouts, I headed towards the throne room next. If anything, many of the people in there would know, and I had a feeling my sister was with the masters.

Racing through the doors I found myself stared upon by the brothers, Felix, and Jane; none looked pleased with seeing me.

"Alec, just the person I wanted to summon." Aro said voice in faux happiness.

I bowed my torso down to show my submission. I had a feeling they knew what happened between Bella and I.

"Your sister has brought us very unpleasant news about Bella. Would you know what it is about?" His voice picked up a steel edge.

"It would do well for you to answer." Caius snarled.

"I may, master."

"So you know why my daughter has run off, leaving only a single note?" Marcus hissed.

"I may, master." I repeated.

"Why, brother?" I could hear the grief in my sister's voice. _My doing._

Before I could speak a word again, my body was lifted off the ground with my back pressed tightly against the wall, my neck crushed between Felix's large hands.

"Enough." Commanded Aro. "Alec, show me."

Once Felix released me from his hold, I immediately rushed to Aro's side and held my hand out for him to touch.

"Ah, it seems that our Alec here has been severely confused about his… feelings for a long while, but came here to look for dearest Bella, in order to…make up." Aro announced.

"Too late." Caius muttered to himself. But those two words inflicted a sharp twist of the current knife I put in my heart.

"Perhaps, it is my entire fault." Marcus sighed. "I should have told you both of what you are to one another."

"No, he should have just told her what was going on with him." Felix growled with a glare directly at me.

Jane placed a gentle touch on Felix's forearm, effectively calming him down some. "Leave him."

"Jane…"

"No, Felix, let me speak to him." She cut him off, and then turned to our masters. "If you will allow me to take care of him, Aro."

"No, dear one, speak to him, but no punishment."

She nodded her head, but I could tell she had wanted to use her gift on me. Jane walked right past me, moving to the doorway, and waited for me on the other side.

"I understand, Alec. But next you see her for heaven's sake confess everything." Aro practically pleaded.

"Yes, master." I said, bowing my head shortly before walking out towards my sister.

She paced waiting and briefly glanced at me before moving through the halls without a single word.

We continued to travel through the maze of halls towards it seemed the direction to her room. Not a word or glance was spared towards me, but I realized I deserved this and much more. If anything, I disagreed with Aro's thoughts of not allowing Jane to torture me with her gift.

She opened her door lightly and directly sat in a chair near her tinted window. I kept complete still near her door, not even sure if I was going to be allowed a chair.

"Why did you hurt her, brother?" She shook her head sadly at me when I couldn't answer. "Why her? She's already had enough pain from her old loves; she didn't need it by her mate."

"Mate?" I questioned shocked.

"Yes, mate. Soul mates." She answered, getting up from her seat and pulling a piece of crushed paper from her pockets. "Now, though, you both may just live alone."

"I didn't mean to make her leave. I didn't mean to hurt her." I whispered moving my gaze to the floor.

"Then why didn't you tell her?"

"I was frightened, Jane. I couldn't understand how it was she could cause emotions to sink into my pores by just a glance, a smile, a laugh, a sob…I couldn't understand and I was afraid. But I want her…I love her, and I finally realized that and now she's not here…

"She's not here," I repeated in a whisper, choking slightly. "All because of my stupidity."

"Brother, I know she'll be back sometime. I have faith that when she does, she'll give you the opportunity that you need."

"How are you so certain?" I asked looking back at her.

"Bella would never be able to stay away from her family for a long amount of time. A nomad's life is not for her and she knows this is where she belongs."

"She will not give a chance, even if she does come back." I said dejectedly.

"She will listen, and that is all you need." Jane patted my shoulder.

I shook my head, not believing in her optimistic view.

"What is that?" I finally asked, staring at the paper in her other hand.

"The note she left. It doesn't say much, though." She answered, looking down at her closed fist.

"Give it here." I ordered, my hand held out for the clenched paper in her hand. "Let me read it, Jane, please."

_I needed to leave. I can make no promises of returning. I'm sorry, my family, remember that I do love you all._

_Goodbye,_

_Bella._

_P.S. Jane it isn't his fault. It was my mistake._

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	22. Ch 21 Bleed

**Sorry for this being late, but you know how it is...things just come up.**

**Thank you to all you reviewers, favorite adders, and alerters.**

**Give many applauses to my beta xxtaylorlovesyouuxx, and special thanks to MoonPrincess623 for also editing and adding to this chapter. You guys should check out both of their stories, they rock :D**

**Oh yeah, I don't own anything.**

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_Seek Not My Heart—Bleed_

**BPOV**

Once my body exited the castle doors, my legs raced through the city without looking back. It was a pleasant surprise that no one questioned me as to where I was going. It was amazing that Jane hadn't found that note yet and set out to find me.

I would have thought they would have set Demetri out to get me, even if his gift would not work on me. Would they call Alice for my whereabouts? If they did they would be disappointed to find that I hadn't made any decisions what so ever.

Only to simply run, and even that wasn't a complete decision.

There was no point to stop my running from everyone and everything. I could continue for the rest of my life, simply running. It would probably be the closest to suicide a vampire could get, only running for eternity.

But…but it was still there. The pain, the memory with the horror of every little detail surrounding it, I could remember and it wouldn't stop replaying.

I ran and…and it ran through my mind with me.

I couldn't stop and neither could my mind.

Darkness shrouded everything in black and I wished it would help dissipate my raging thoughts. It was stupid of me to think that leaving would help me get over it; feel less of it. More than stupid, really, I was just in bloody, flat out, denial. _But didn't that ship sail long ago?_

For once, my heart and mind were screaming to return. To give him a chance, though I still felt he wouldn't take that chance. Call me whatever, but there was no way that Alec would even offer an explanation.

It all would be so much easier if he could simply tell me his actual feelings. If he told me he hated me, I think I would be slightly better than this…this life filled with unanswered questions.

I was stuck on whether returning would be better or to go off and live the life of the nomad I probably was always meant for. It couldn't be that bad, either way I would be alone but this allowed the traveling without the looks of pity. A nomad life was definitely a much better choice for me.

The running for eternity was seriously a big perk.

The downside would be the avoidance of my old families; the Cullen's and now Volturi. Alice would know; but did that mean she would tell the others or that they would tell the Volturi? I knew that the only way I could ever stumble across either would be a complete accident, but I was sure that they would look at it as way more than that.

I couldn't help the tinge of guilt I felt for not really saying a word to either. They deserved better than that, it was never their fault; I was such a selfish, pathetic creature. I couldn't, no _wouldn't_ fault them for hating me if I did ever happen to run into either of them.

In fact, I would welcome it, solely because I deserved their hatred. It seemed that I never deserved love, so perhaps hate was what I was supposed to only have.

It wasn't as if I ever really did anything for others without causing them problems. They believe that I was always selfless, but in the grand scheme of things, when had I ever done anything that never but hurt them?

Every decision I had ever made caused the ones I loved to crash down with their pain. I was evil and selfish, and never deserved to even think that Alec could have loved me back. I never deserved anyone's love.

And now…now I was a coward: running from everything that I had been the one to start. I threw my problems at someone else to take care of and run so they can't get me back to handle it.

A coward in vampire disguise.

No wonder Alec didn't want me. Who would want to put up with someone so…so disgusting?

I bet the others only spoke to me because they felt bad for the mess of a girl. Ha, the Cullen's didn't even put up much of a fight to my leaving or to ask me to go back. They probably were extremely happy that I left.

Alice, Jasper, and Jacob probably just wanted to seem nice. They sure did leave fast enough without even trying to ask me to go with them.

No, now I was being more pathetic in my self-loathing. None of them were like that; none of them were mean whatsoever. They came because they wanted to, and even the Cullen's were busy with the mess I left behind.

I was the only one at fault. None of them ever looked at me without kindness. I was the one that threw it right back in their faces.

…

I finally came to a halt realizing it had been a day or so of escaping and with the ocean brushing my feet I didn't have it in me to run or swim to a whole other continent. I was trapped, for now, in Italy, which really wasn't so bad as long as I stayed far from where I came from.

My body plopped in the sand, washing the small waves brush against my newly soaked legs. The moonlight beamed across the landscape giving even a human a clear view of the expanse of water and sand.

Swerving my head around to take in my surroundings, the light breeze picked up slightly bringing with it more than just the smell of brine. My neck snapped roughly to my left with my nostrils flaring to take in more of the delicious scent.

When was the last I had hunted? I couldn't recall, but at the moment I didn't care.

There on the shore with me, if only twenty or so feet apart, was a man cradling an arm that was leaking with crimson delight. Another rush of the wind brought a new waft of the tantalizing blood in my direction.

My eyes closed with a purr of pleasure slipping past my lips. Without realizing my feet had begun to carry me quickly towards the food bringing me directly in front of the delicious aroma.

A small gasp and a heartbeat picking up were the only sounds crashing with the shore. It was like music for my broken soul at the moment.

I snapped my eyes open and brought my hand up caressing a cheek softly while placing another hand on a shoulder. The hand on his cheek came up and yanked his head to the side. The vein grew and moved with the speed of the singing heart.

A soft kiss across the pulse, then my teeth sunk through the soft membrane of flesh. My eyes rolled to the back of my head in ecstasy as I continued to satiate my thirst with this most wonderful nectar.

I continued to pull till the last beat and drop, I felt slightly disappointed that the most delicious liquid I had ever tasted didn't last longer. My hands threw the dead body to the side in frustration. It was so good and I wanted more, I needed more.

I took an automatic deep breath and my mind cleared from the haze I hadn't known I was in. My eyes widened when my actions caught up to me and I began hoping that I didn't just do what I knew I had done.

Shakily, my feet stumbled back slightly and my gaze snapped to the now lifeless man in the sand. I rushed over and cradled his body against me, wishing beyond anything that he was moving, breathing, beating, anything.

A sob left my lips, broken. I rocked the two of us, while I held his head against my chest. I couldn't believe I had done this. I was never supposed to do this…why? Why? _Why?_

Crimson liquid began to soak through my clothes staining my skin with my atrocity. The limp body no longer clung to me, fighting for a way to live but some of his earlier original bleeding moving away.

What had I done? _What had I done?_

I stood causing the body to crash to the ground with a heavy thud. My thoughts continued yelling at me as I backed away in horror. A hand reached out without a thought, but quickly my eyes land on my hands…my hands that are covered with dripping blood.

A scream leaves my lips and my knees land roughly to the ground with my eyes trained on my tainted hands…of my most sinful crime.

….

No water was able to wash away the image of red on my hands, nor the sand that held the man's blood. It would always be there. Always my fault.

Since the accident, I couldn't really move, except to try in vain to wash my body in the sea. I got it all rinsed away but as soon as I turned back to the land, he was still there in the dried blood of heinous crimes that should have never happened.

In time, I had buried him in a nearby forest, but that was as much as I could function. After the dirt covered him entirely, I could only remain at the foot of his grave staring at nothing.

My knees were pulled tightly against my chest with my arms wrapped completely around my body, shrinking me as I rocked in place. Murmurs would pass through my lips, but they were in a voice I didn't recognize and it seemed to yell at me in a whisper, saying 'I am a monster…_I am a monster…_' over and over again.

It wasn't normal, but I couldn't stop. I wanted to go back to running like I was, but being trapped in guilt started to strip me of my sanity.

_I killed…I killed…I am a monster…hideous…hideous…hideous…_

The ragged edges of the hole that was my heart began to grow deeper in my continuous despair. It was all too much the agony, guilt, everything, and yet I deserved the pain to be much more. I would hold on to it for a long while, because I deserved this growing torture.

I did this, I caused this. Nothing Alec had said earlier caused this. I was stupid enough to let him hurt me, and stupid enough to set up my own demise. The man…the man I had buried now fueled my own self loathing.

Who was this person I was supposed to be? Was it me? Had I always been this way? I hated it. I hated it. I hated me.

I wanted my blood to flow from me. I wanted to end. In a way, I was ended; I had nothing in me to have even a half life vampires generally held. I was bleeding through my self made scars, all without the liquid of my death.

I bled for the dead man under me. I bled for the one that didn't want me. I bled with no way for it all to escape.

I bled, but no crimson could ever be released.

I wanted to bleed. I wanted to end.

Movement of my body being held entered my conscious slightly but quickly dispersed to continue the havoc in my heart and mind. The blurs of colors in my vision started to mesh more than before and a heavy wind hit across my exposed skin, but I paid no mind.

My gaze flew up slowly when a splat of water landed on my face. Another's eyes entered my vision, but I couldn't react except simply stare, because nothing else could process. The only thing that did cross my mind for a moment before returning to the torturous cries in myself, was the familiar shade of those eyes.

_Those golden eyes_.

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	23. Ch 22 Future

**Future of Stories**

Sorry for not doing this AN sooner, but unfortunately my dad got incredibly sick with pancreatic cancer and just passed away. I will not be abandoning any of my stories, just taking a break due to this sudden and awful occurrence.

Thank you for understanding.

Love Cheryl Lynn

**P.S Don't respond to this by review…if you wish to than PM me instead.**


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